I need more time in a night.
I need more time.
I fear death.
Labels: Elle
Time
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
A cut on the throat, to mark where the gun should go?
His story.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
After being threatened with debarment (and expulsion), my grandmama is hospitalized.
Hokes then called to tell me I won't be able to see him on Sunday because he's leaving for M'sia that night. Smth sad happened, but it's not my place to say.
WHY does this feel like deja vu.
I REFUSE to let history repeat itself. Because I'm proud like that. Too proud to let myself consciously make the same mistakes.
I learnt from them. Right?
:(
Why can't everyone just let me be?
I miss Hokes.
I get to see him like what? 4-5 hours a week only?
And now that I'm won't be seeing him this week,
aww :(
I spent the time cleaning my room. It seems my OCD has gotten worse. I vacuum my room inside out every weekend, make my bed every morning, remembered to write stuff in my planner, do my laundry, hang my clothes properly, help mama out with extra chores since she's been staying overnight at the hospital with grandmama- HELLO what happened to the teenager living in the pigsty?
I've completed 5 projects/assignments. 3 more to go!
YESSS!
Well done, me! *pats back*
Now, to summon up the drive to spend every waking moment...
studying.
Priority change.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Dr F is threatening to debar me from exams when I CLEARLY SHOW UP FOR CLASSES. I don't know what is his problem. I really don't.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of feeling that achy worryness in my heart. Which I now know is called Anxiety.
I don't deal with stress well.
Or properly.
I don't know what people want from me.
I'm sorry I don't suck up to you.
I'm sorry I don't pretend.
I ditched my friends.
I do not consider Alfred and Sharon friends anymore.
I'm sorry guys.
I'm tired of dealing with your complications.
Since I feel that perhaps this time I shouldn't cut you guys off without prior warning or reason (like I did with Hidayah)
here's why.
Alfred.
I dislike your personality.
As much as I have tried to overlook your flaws. I cannot.
Though you may think you have matured, please think again.
The last straw was when I did your share of work for you, and you still have the nerve to come late, dressed very stylishly. You should have gone,"ah screw my hair, I'm cabbing to school." Your attitude pisses me off and I'm tired of being pissed off.
Never mind that, I receive no word of apology or thanks.
I may be your friend, but I hate being taken advantage of.
Maybe I'm petty. Or childish. Small things also want to throw away friendship.
YAH. I am. I just feel like it. So I'm done helping you.
Sharon.
You always give people the impression that you are up to standard, but you're not. You bitch alot and you don't say things to people's face, contradicting what you tell me. I'm using this as a platform to inform you guys because I cannot face friends like yous. Stress is not something I handle very well at the moment.
Both of you have a habit of talking behind people's backs about your own friends. Yes, I agree that my friends have short-comings, but I soon realise I'm sinking into that habit of bitching. Me don't like. So no.I don't like your personality. I don't like the fact that I am your friend, but you talk behind my back.
I don't talk to everyone about one person.
If I want to bitch, it's a private convo between me and you.
I don't tell everyone the same thing. I don't discuss it like a damn forum.
If you feel I'm being hypocritical in saying this, then fine. It's just as well we're not friends.
Deep down, I really hate you guys. I feel betrayed of a friendship. But I'm gonna emotionally detach myself.
I fail to thank Cassandra for being my friend. Thanks for covering my asses, helping out in FYP when I totally FAIL at calculations (I hate maths lah)
I'm listening to All that I've Got by The Used being emo happy hahahahaha. awesome. Daddy gave me something he called a "woofer" hahahaha no idea wtf it is or how to spell it but I amped up the treble and bass and now it's like HECK YEAH THIS SONG IS THE SECKS :D
Hmm Abigail, I'm very proud of her. I like her. I think she's a genuine person. Just very naive. But she improved greatly! I'm so proud of her! She can do FYP on her own now, and her standard of work is improving.
Haha me and Cass had taken her under our wing and we're like trying to teach her life skills or smth like that.
She has a habit of being easily distracted, especially when it comes to work, but I still have tolerance for her. So I'm okay with her I guess. Me and Cass genuinely want her to do better, caz we feel people might take advantage of her and she wouldn't know it.
Abi's more independent now, good for you!
I don't like my course, hate the people in my school with a few people being exceptions. Hate the incompetent biased lecturers. I'm gonna study my ass off from tonight onwards so pardon me if I go on long hiatus.
Okay, I'm gonna start work at 8.30pm. It's 8.10 now, so for 20 mins I'm gonna headbang to The Used and forget my worries for awhile.
It's the only thing I could do when the #@$%@##$! army stole my boyfriend away from me.
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind
The worries are washed out to sea
See the changes, people's faces blurred out
Like sunspots or raindrops...
(Chorus)
Now all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time.
but today ive wasted away for today is on my mind...
Left the only worries I had in my hands,
Away from the light in my eyes..
Holding tight and try not to hide how i feel....
(Pre-Chorus)
'Cause Feelings mean nothing
(Chorus)
Now all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time
but today I’ve wasted away for today is on my mind
(yeah today is on my mind)
I can't care to worry
Im feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind
(Pre-Chorus)
Where feelings mean nothing
(Chorus)
Now All those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time (all be lost in time)
But today I’ve wasted away, for today is on my mind
For today is on my mind
Yeah today is on my mind
Now I care to worry
I’m feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart...
The Used rocks my socks. THANKS ADAM FOR THE INTRO. xoxo
I'm tired.
I'm tired of feeling that achy worryness in my heart. Which I now know is called Anxiety.
I don't deal with stress well.
Or properly.
I don't know what people want from me.
I'm sorry I don't suck up to you.
I'm sorry I don't pretend.
I ditched my friends.
I do not consider Alfred and Sharon friends anymore.
I'm sorry guys.
I'm tired of dealing with your complications.
Since I feel that perhaps this time I shouldn't cut you guys off without prior warning or reason (like I did with Hidayah)
here's why.
Alfred.
I dislike your personality.
As much as I have tried to overlook your flaws. I cannot.
Though you may think you have matured, please think again.
The last straw was when I did your share of work for you, and you still have the nerve to come late, dressed very stylishly. You should have gone,"ah screw my hair, I'm cabbing to school." Your attitude pisses me off and I'm tired of being pissed off.
Never mind that, I receive no word of apology or thanks.
I may be your friend, but I hate being taken advantage of.
Maybe I'm petty. Or childish. Small things also want to throw away friendship.
YAH. I am. I just feel like it. So I'm done helping you.
Sharon.
You always give people the impression that you are up to standard, but you're not. You bitch alot and you don't say things to people's face, contradicting what you tell me. I'm using this as a platform to inform you guys because I cannot face friends like yous. Stress is not something I handle very well at the moment.
Both of you have a habit of talking behind people's backs about your own friends. Yes, I agree that my friends have short-comings, but I soon realise I'm sinking into that habit of bitching. Me don't like. So no.I don't like your personality. I don't like the fact that I am your friend, but you talk behind my back.
I don't talk to everyone about one person.
If I want to bitch, it's a private convo between me and you.
I don't tell everyone the same thing. I don't discuss it like a damn forum.
If you feel I'm being hypocritical in saying this, then fine. It's just as well we're not friends.
Deep down, I really hate you guys. I feel betrayed of a friendship. But I'm gonna emotionally detach myself.
I fail to thank Cassandra for being my friend. Thanks for covering my asses, helping out in FYP when I totally FAIL at calculations (I hate maths lah)
I'm listening to All that I've Got by The Used being emo happy hahahahaha. awesome. Daddy gave me something he called a "woofer" hahahaha no idea wtf it is or how to spell it but I amped up the treble and bass and now it's like HECK YEAH THIS SONG IS THE SECKS :D
Hmm Abigail, I'm very proud of her. I like her. I think she's a genuine person. Just very naive. But she improved greatly! I'm so proud of her! She can do FYP on her own now, and her standard of work is improving.
Haha me and Cass had taken her under our wing and we're like trying to teach her life skills or smth like that.
She has a habit of being easily distracted, especially when it comes to work, but I still have tolerance for her. So I'm okay with her I guess. Me and Cass genuinely want her to do better, caz we feel people might take advantage of her and she wouldn't know it.
Abi's more independent now, good for you!
I don't like my course, hate the people in my school with a few people being exceptions. Hate the incompetent biased lecturers. I'm gonna study my ass off from tonight onwards so pardon me if I go on long hiatus.
Okay, I'm gonna start work at 8.30pm. It's 8.10 now, so for 20 mins I'm gonna headbang to The Used and forget my worries for awhile.
It's the only thing I could do when the #@$%@##$! army stole my boyfriend away from me.
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind
The worries are washed out to sea
See the changes, people's faces blurred out
Like sunspots or raindrops...
(Chorus)
Now all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time.
but today ive wasted away for today is on my mind...
Left the only worries I had in my hands,
Away from the light in my eyes..
Holding tight and try not to hide how i feel....
(Pre-Chorus)
'Cause Feelings mean nothing
(Chorus)
Now all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time
but today I’ve wasted away for today is on my mind
(yeah today is on my mind)
I can't care to worry
Im feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind
(Pre-Chorus)
Where feelings mean nothing
(Chorus)
Now All those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time (all be lost in time)
But today I’ve wasted away, for today is on my mind
For today is on my mind
Yeah today is on my mind
Now I care to worry
I’m feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart...
The Used rocks my socks. THANKS ADAM FOR THE INTRO. xoxo
Dear friends of mine
Monday, July 6, 2009
You guys are damn stupid.
Seriously.
You take 3 hours to produce work that I can produce in 10 mins.
YOU SUCK!
Hahahaha
I don't even care what you think about me now because,
you have got it in your stupid little heads that you have done ENOUGH!
Or maybe, done more than you should have!
PUHLEASE
Who is the one chasing for compilations?
Cass. Me.
Who is the one re-organising your work?
Cass. Me.
Who is the one who stay up the entire night with me to produce a DECENT presentation?
Cass
Who is the one telling you what to do?
Cass
Who is the one who teach you what to do?
Cass. Me.
Who is the one researching on your part, because your slides are the shit.
Cass. Me.
Who are the ones who even CARE what is going on in the stupid project?
US. CASS.ME. JUST US. 2 PERSONS TO DO A 5 PERSON WORK LOAD AND YOU MAKE IT HARDER FOR US.
WHY IS IT YOU GUYS ARE SO STUPID?!
Don't know how to think for yourself is it?
Stupid!
Stupid like siao!
I don't know what you are doing here!
Drop out of school please!
You say you spent your time researching.
BULLSHIT!
I research faster than you!
You must be an idiot, or I must be a genius!
Hahaha! you are at least 875433685585 times stupider than me!
How come I can find so much info, YOU CANNOT?
Useless brainless creatures who have the nerve to act self-righteous and give attitude! Eff you! Go and die! Still want to talk about how other people so lousy at project work, WHY DON'T YOU LOOK AT YORUSELVES.
The only ones that are producing is me and Cass. And not only we are not appreciated, it is not even acknowledged! You guys firmly DONT BELIEVE that we have been covering your asses! YOU BURDENS! you make life so difficult for us!
DOING OURSELVES WOULD BE 99999999 times simpler!
You brainless imbeciles!
Don't give me that attitude that you are so stressed oh poor you, you got so many things, awww
YOU THINK WHAT?
We're supposed to accommodate to you is it?
If you know you're busy, DO THE WORK WHEN YOURE FREE.
Don't give excuses!
Even if I MYSELF am a last minute person, I ACTUALLY DO IT LAST MINUTE. I DONT GO TO SLEEP, ASSHOLES. I'LL STAY UP THE ENTIRE NIGHT IF I HAVE TOO.
CB.
All talk no action. Act as if you all damn good. You ask me whether I'm free on this date this time, and I haven't even replied you yet, you sms me again that it's confirmed, meet here at this time.
CRAZY AH.
MY OPINION DONT MATTER LAH.
So I must come down only when you're free la?
YOU THINK WHAT?
I YOUR DOG IS IT?
I'M NOT YOUR DOG, CB.
Eff you all!
You lazy idiots!
You lazy unproductive idiots!
Spend 3 hours doing project of which 20 mins is doing the actual project while 2 hours 40 mins is spent on facebook, or facebook games, or chatting or whatever useless shit you idiots do!
It's either you guys are damn useless and lazy, that you put in so little effort, or you guys are really stupid such that you take 3 hours to produce a lump of SHIT.
Pick one!
I DON'T WANNA DO PROJECTS WITH YOU GUYS ANYMORE.
Effing idiots!
Next time, if got project,
split the work between the 3 of you.
Once you're done, me and Cass will salvage your shit.
You stupid burdens.
Seriously.
You take 3 hours to produce work that I can produce in 10 mins.
YOU SUCK!
Hahahaha
I don't even care what you think about me now because,
you have got it in your stupid little heads that you have done ENOUGH!
Or maybe, done more than you should have!
PUHLEASE
Who is the one chasing for compilations?
Cass. Me.
Who is the one re-organising your work?
Cass. Me.
Who is the one who stay up the entire night with me to produce a DECENT presentation?
Cass
Who is the one telling you what to do?
Cass
Who is the one who teach you what to do?
Cass. Me.
Who is the one researching on your part, because your slides are the shit.
Cass. Me.
Who are the ones who even CARE what is going on in the stupid project?
US. CASS.ME. JUST US. 2 PERSONS TO DO A 5 PERSON WORK LOAD AND YOU MAKE IT HARDER FOR US.
WHY IS IT YOU GUYS ARE SO STUPID?!
Don't know how to think for yourself is it?
Stupid!
Stupid like siao!
I don't know what you are doing here!
Drop out of school please!
You say you spent your time researching.
BULLSHIT!
I research faster than you!
You must be an idiot, or I must be a genius!
Hahaha! you are at least 875433685585 times stupider than me!
How come I can find so much info, YOU CANNOT?
Useless brainless creatures who have the nerve to act self-righteous and give attitude! Eff you! Go and die! Still want to talk about how other people so lousy at project work, WHY DON'T YOU LOOK AT YORUSELVES.
The only ones that are producing is me and Cass. And not only we are not appreciated, it is not even acknowledged! You guys firmly DONT BELIEVE that we have been covering your asses! YOU BURDENS! you make life so difficult for us!
DOING OURSELVES WOULD BE 99999999 times simpler!
You brainless imbeciles!
Don't give me that attitude that you are so stressed oh poor you, you got so many things, awww
YOU THINK WHAT?
We're supposed to accommodate to you is it?
If you know you're busy, DO THE WORK WHEN YOURE FREE.
Don't give excuses!
Even if I MYSELF am a last minute person, I ACTUALLY DO IT LAST MINUTE. I DONT GO TO SLEEP, ASSHOLES. I'LL STAY UP THE ENTIRE NIGHT IF I HAVE TOO.
CB.
All talk no action. Act as if you all damn good. You ask me whether I'm free on this date this time, and I haven't even replied you yet, you sms me again that it's confirmed, meet here at this time.
CRAZY AH.
MY OPINION DONT MATTER LAH.
So I must come down only when you're free la?
YOU THINK WHAT?
I YOUR DOG IS IT?
I'M NOT YOUR DOG, CB.
Eff you all!
You lazy idiots!
You lazy unproductive idiots!
Spend 3 hours doing project of which 20 mins is doing the actual project while 2 hours 40 mins is spent on facebook, or facebook games, or chatting or whatever useless shit you idiots do!
It's either you guys are damn useless and lazy, that you put in so little effort, or you guys are really stupid such that you take 3 hours to produce a lump of SHIT.
Pick one!
I DON'T WANNA DO PROJECTS WITH YOU GUYS ANYMORE.
Effing idiots!
Next time, if got project,
split the work between the 3 of you.
Once you're done, me and Cass will salvage your shit.
You stupid burdens.
Labels: Hissy Fit
