Lady Gaga's Paparazzi is suddenly speaking to me in volumes. Hahaha I watched her music video and loved it. She's so weird. Recently watched an interview and the interviewer asked her about her love life. She shooked her head and went," Nope. No nah-uh." and when he tried to probe deeper, she looked around and said," Can we just stick to my music? Please?"
Hahaha THANK YOU thank for being so painfully honest. Even though it calls for awkward situations but like her, I've also learned from life, screw awkward situations. Even if I am put in one, no one will make me feel awkward without my consent!
Had a conversation about this with Cass Lee recently and we regret holding back in our lives. Now we say what we mean and mean what we say and god I feel liberated. It feels good to not care what people think about you. And more often than not, being honest equals less complications which is just the way I like it.
I mean look. It's true now I'm all antisocial not hanging out with people and I deliberately keep to myself and don't indulge in small talk to "make friends" and it's perfectly alright.
:)
I'm not gonna pretend I know you very well. I'm not gonna pretend I know many people and are close to many people. I'm not gonna pretend I'm popular and well loved. I KNOW I'm not such a hideous person that everyone hates me. I KNOW I get along fine with alot of people. I KNOW people might get irritated with me and it's okay.
I mean, this image thing is getting too out of hand. It's like high school. All this politics and sticking with friends and pretending you're close to someone and what what what whaaaaat?
Hahahaha. If everyone hated me right now I think I would embrace it with open arms caz I love myself so much right now, dammit ryan, your influence is too strong! Ryan is a narcissist by the way :)
The people I love should know by now I love yous even though I don't consistently express it. I'm shy like that. The people I'm not close to, or just casual friends with, I'm perfectly fine with you too.
I think everyone actually appreciates me being solo in lab because I KNOW you don't really wanna talk to me. You, like me, just wanna do your FYP in routined peace and it actually feels good. You don't have to crack your heads to think of what to say in a feeble attempt at small talks. GOD I AM SO CONSIDERATE EVERYONE LOVE ME NOW.
HAHAHAHA EW I AM SO UP MYSELF EW RYAN EW EW EEEEEEEEEWWW this is your doing :D
I feel like I'm less dependant on friends now. I've become more introverted. Somehow friends became such a shallow word. I cannot refer to anyone I know as friends, because to me, a friend is... well a friend. Like really you've been a true friend kinda friend. But it feels kinda cold to call you an acquaintance haha but you know what I mean. I finally understood my 3rd aunt too. I don't need friends actually. It's not a need. I mean, many people can be your "friend". Your cousin can be your friend. Your relatives, siblings anyone in your family can be a friend. So... friends. Friends come and go and some people are good ones and some suck at being friends.
I think it's the thought that counts? If you look carefully in your life, alot of your friends actually take advantage of you. You may feel like that person is so important to you but they may not feel the same way back. I used to love my friends to death. Everyone whether we're close or not. I appreciate them. Now I don't. Because they don't. So when you need me, I'll be there for you, it's the most human thing to do. But if I lose you? I can live with it.
It's not that I don't cherish friendship anymore. I do. And I will put in effort to maintain all my (real) friendships. It's just that I have come to terms with and accept that there is a possibility where the day comes when we're no longer friends and I'm able to move on and live with it. Like someone once told me, Friends come and go. It doesn't mean I don't give a rat's ass about friendships anymore you know? There's a difference. I hope none of you will misunderstand and I hope it won't change the state of our current friendship.
And also, this introverted-don't-talk-to-people thing? It's a phase or mood or whatever name you'd like to give it. It'll pass and suddenly I feel like partying and being a social butterfly again. Actually, if you put me in a situation where I HAVE to socialise, I think I'd still do a decent job at it. It's just that given a choice, I like to do my work in peace :D And not wander around, sit next to a random and ask how's your FYP going along. Or ask people to have dinner with me caz I'm bored or something like that that I used to do.
Haha I see my posts have been rather long and wordy. It's a mood really (:
But I can't caz I gotta wait till 12 midnight to take my meds.
Rawr?
Okay I guess since I haven't been blogging, I should finish this post proper. Well see, the reason I haven't been blogging is because I don't feel the need to. Amazing isn't it? I always thought it was an outlet, one of the more essential outlets in my life because if I don't blow off steam here, I'd morph into one of the most crazy bitch this planet has ever seen.
I guess I'm changing again? Haha I don't come online often, and when I do I don't feel like talking to anyone. And if I've got something on my chest I need to vomit out, there's Hokes who's perpetually asking me regarding my well-being so how not to tell the lovely boy? Well, actually I do enjoy talking to him, I don't know how he puts up with me, really I don't because while I was being such a bitch, I even annoyed myself.
I'm lucky :D
Let's see, today started off crappy. First thing in the morning a bird shat on my arm. It was warm. Awesome. Warm white poop dripping down my right arm and people around were sniggering and holding their laughter. GLAAAAD I MADE YOUR DAAAAY.
So I had to wipe it off with paper since I didn't bring any tissue, and walked all the way to the train station's toilet before I can wash my arm. Oh god talk about gross.
What a bad mannered bird. You shouldn't poop so inconsiderately. Look at hamsters, they know how to poop in a corner. You wouldn't like someone pooping on you would you?
On a less disgusting note, recently went over to Hoke's godsis's place. Apparently, his family has alot of these family gatherings which I find very nice and wish my family had more of these. I think we used to but my parents kinda screwed relations in my family. Ah well. Maybe it was me. I don't know. I love all of you, you know? Sigh. Even though I don't know how to express it properly.
ANYWAYS, Hokes and his bros and cousins went to the room to play Wii and omg it was hilarious. I've never laughed to hard in ages. :D I was afraid to intrude on family time, you know how people tend to be more comfortable with their own family rather than outsiders but I learned from life that if you try, they'll try too and I think everyone got along just fine :D
The most epic Wii moment was when we were playing this mini game called B.R.U.S.H. by some bunny game and you're supposed to move the controller according to the actions on screen.
Like you move up and down when it's a toothbrush to brush your teeth. Left and right for a razor to shave your chin.
EPIC MOMENT: I moved up and down when I saw a razor (accident! I swear!) and my bunny started razoring his teeeth hahahahahaha with sparks flying hahahaha omg I swear I laughed so hard I couldn't play the rest of the game properly xD
Went to Island Creamery for dessert and MMMMMMM YUMMEHZ. I talked more to Hokes' brothers more in a day than I have in the entire 6 months I've known them. And they seriously crack me up.
SAW CASS NGGGGG ♥ who was with her classmates, gave her a hug but left caz the family split into 2 groups, adult and kids and kids corner were at MacDs where Hokes' 2nd bro was feasting. Conversations includes Mac and Microsoft debate which is something I have no stand on at the moment.
(I can't judge caz I've never used a Mac- and you need to be a regular user before you can properly judge)
Oh oh and Hokes' nieces are uber adorableeeee. I kept stealing them and carrying the younger one (I seriously had to control myself from raining her with hugs and kisses) the older one seems friendly with me now, she constantly try to get my attention WHICH I LOVE caz she always ignore me the previous times I've seen her.
Hahahaha I like his family alrdy. I need to thank so many of them I'm losing count. They were awfully nice and welcoming and awwww :')
Oh did I mention we tried to cook pasta for lunch that day? And kinda failed caz it tasted weird and funny but still alright, we finished up our meal and Hokes' 2nd bro went for seconds HAHA yeah his bro ate our cooking hahahahahaha epicccc.
:) Wii is officially the coolest thing on earth according to me. :D I'm so gonna save up for one in future :D:D And omg can someone please please please buy me Season 1-6 of Grey's Anatomy so I can sit and eat chips and go on a Grey's marathon. That would be awesome shit.
I MISS HOKES the dodo is in armyyyy and I won't see him till Sundayyyy gaaaaayyy. Ryan has been keeping me company with random heartwarming short emails and texts and our occasional go-crazy-and-retardedly-random conversations at night when I actually bother coming online. Other than that, Hokes and seeing Cass Lee for FYP, that's the only human connection I get apart from my family.
Told you I'm antisocial. I'm pretty much alone these days, but I'm not lonely. I kinda like it. I was lonely once. It was at night and I was emo (as usual, I'm always emo at night) but Ry cheered me up :) That was also when I was PMS-ing.
I'm actually quite contented with life, despite irritating Singaporeans, FYP, tutoring and stuffs that has kept me from enjoying my hols. But yeah, life is boring, slow, monotonous, routine-d and uneventful save for random things like Hokes' family gathering, I'm not worrying.
I think I've accepted that I screwed up my life and now the only thing you can do is make the best of it. And I am, and enjoying it too. I hope this feeling lasts caz the next time I PMS I'm gonna ruin it all and feel like shit again.
*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says: gushhhhhhhhh guys are such assesssssssss i wish i were lesbiannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn hahahhaa or a guy
kt says: hahaha cannot. later jefri die
*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says: lol.
kt says: or become gay
*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says: i told him i wish iw ere a guy then he said cannot, then he wouldnt be able to be w me. so i said its okay. he can be gay then he said no!
kt says: hahahaha
*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says: oh em geee hahaha then i whacked him. xDD he’s not supposed to say no! LOL he’s supposed to say he would be gay for me. hahahahhahahahahahhahaha
kt says: hahaha “i would be gay for you my love” HAHA JINX
*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says: HAHAHAH OMG YOU READ MY MIND HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake, "Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season" Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes Like they have any right at all to criticize, Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands And breathe, just breathe, Oh breathe, just breathe
May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss "Just a day," he said down to the flask in his fist, "Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year." And here in town you can tell he's been down for a while, But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles, Wanna hold him. maybe I'll just sing about it.
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, boys So cradle your head in your hands, And breathe, just breathe Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout 'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out and These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again If you only try turning around.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd 'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button, now Sing it if you understand, and breathe, just breathe oh breathe, just breathe, oh breathe, just breathe, oh breathe, just breathe
I guess each and every one of us has different definitions for the word 'attention'
Monday, September 14, 2009
So, I don't exactly get why people go on msn to only set their status as 'away' and leave the computer there for days.
Hmm, people are weird.
And, katie aka kt aka grrrrrrrrfriend aka elle aka tan tan aka khalisah is playing FFRRRRRR aka FRAWRHHHHH. And so...below is a little snippet of our conversation that gave me inspiration to blog.
kt says (12:50 AM): YOU WANTED MY ATTENSHUNNNN HAHAAHA where are you? says (12:50 AM): i know. and youre still not giving me enough of it kt says (12:52 AM): wtffff I WILL BITEEEEE YOUUUU where are you? says (12:53 AM): but youre not I WANT LOADS LOADS BUCKET LOADSSS OF ATTENTION kt says (12:54 AM): RYAN WOOOOW YOU LOOK AWESOMEEEEE
And so apparently according to her that's considered as giving 'attention'. Wow.
I was in charge of this Quran, the holy book, which was beautifully designed. It was on display on the wall. Everyone visited the wall, just to admire the beautiful intricate design of the Quran.
One day, a woman in black hijab approached me. Now that I think about it, she was quite beautiful, with thick lashes lined with kohl, she had big eyes no doubt, and full lips. She had high cheek bones and her features are proportionate and placed perfectly on her face. Fair skinned, dark eyes, she looks like a typical middle-eastern woman. I seem to find most of them beautiful anyway. Her hair was high and tied back and could be seen peeking between her forehead and the hijab.
She then approached me and told me she wanted to buy the Quran. I asked her, what for? She said she is a collector and she loves collecting beautiful Qurans. I told her to give me time to think about it. And went away.
Later, I caught her touching the Quran. I reprimanded her, Have you taken your ablution? She said yes. I told her the Quran is only for display purposes. She asked me again if she could have it.
"Name any price. I'll write you a cheque. You could use the money to do anything you want. Renovate the wall. Build a museum. Anything. Any price."
I asked her again, what would you do with it?
"I would display it in my home of course," she said wistfully," among other beautiful things, where people who know how to appreciate it, like me, can appreciate its beauty to the fullest extent."
"But isn't it of more good here? Where more people can see and appreciate its beauty?" I argued.
"Ah, but what use is it, if they don't really know how to appreciate it? All they do is look and see a pretty designed Quran. Can I touch it?" she never took her eyes off the Quran.
I said no.
"What you lust after is material beauty. You want it because of its beautiful cover. The beauty of the Quran is not in its cover. It is in Allah's words. Thus, all Qurans are beautiful. For this reason, I cannot sell you the Quran. It will remain on this wall for everyone to appreciate it equally," I said.
She closed her eyes and nodded her head, I understand. And left.
I woke up to my mum telling me to drink some soya-milk because I had been very ill the night before and I need food in my system. I find it pretty scary that I dreamt this in the month of Ramadhan. And more so, that I had even said those words in my dream. I tried to re-enact it the best I could BUT TRUST ME I sounded deeper and wiser in my dream. In reality I could never have come up with words like that. The phrasings are so... old-school. And peculiar. Come on man, I'm too hip to talk like that. OK, freaky period over. I'll tell you about my other dreams another time.
#1 How I'm such a Beeyatch. Inspired by my brother when I asked him what I should blog about.
Beeyatch(n):An unpleasant, rude girl.
1) When I was in the bus. I saw Fauzi and Shaun. I said hi. They said, Why don't you have a seat (refers to window seat in front). A woman was sitting next to that seat (aisle seat). I said, DONT WANT. I DONT WANNA CLIMB OVER MOUNT EVEREST. She looked up at me, smiled apologetically, and moved in.
:O BEEYATCH!
2) I make racist jokes to my brother about his dark skin colour everyday. He finds it so funny, he can't help laughing along.
:O BEEYATCH!
3) I scold people in the lab loudly but indirectly for being slobs. "WHO THE HELL NEVER REFILL PIPETTE TIPS HUH? LIKE NEVER DO LAB BEFORE LIKE THAT WAH LAO."
:O BEEYATCH!
4) When someone hit my leg accidentally with his shopping bags, I apologised. When he just ignored me, I screamed," YOU HIT PEOPLE LEG THEN NEVER APOLOGISE!" Much to the shock of Hokes and the people around me. The D-bag walked away ignoring me. (to be fair, my leg hurt a hell alot)
:O BEEYATCH!
5) I did all of these things without feeling bad for being a beeyatch.
:O
ENOUGH, I shall now mend my ways. PATIENCE is once again key.
3 persons. 1 blog. Elle, Ryan, Jacob.
I do not have split personality.
Ry and Jacob are real people and to differentiate between our posts, do look at the labels below each post.
Labels:
Elle= The Queen
Jacob= The Anarchist
Ryan= The King
