I think I'm learning to deal with it better? I've been dealing with my parents SUPERBLY. and I've learnt how to control my temper with them. HO HO I am so proud of myself. I try not to think about how depressing it is too much. Sigh, 21. When I'm 21 I'll deal with it again. I AM STILL LIKE SO AWESOME.
I actually really want to be an air stewardess. HAHA. It's kinda like, my childhood dream. I mean maybe just work and travel for 2 years. Wow. See the world before I settle down. Wow. That will never happen. Wow. My mum will ask "WHERE'S YOUR TUDUNG?"
Mampos. Wow.
I am studying very diligently this sem :) WEEEEE, this time a 4.0 is very possible, IF SOMEBODY HUH, there's a SOMEBODY who is in all of my groups and is EXTREMELY IRRITATING, as if the drama last year wasn't enough. You better not be leeching off me and refuse to share your answer with me okay? DISGUSTING. I hate people, I hate working with people, I hate group work and projects RAWWWRRR but surprisingly people think I'm a people person because of my extroverted personality. HAHA little do they know HOW BITCHYYYYY I AMM.
WHICH, I am trying to tone down :( I mean really, I don't want to be like that but some people are just begging for it, seriously. So if everyone would just do me a favour and leave me alone, I LIKEEEEEE being alone! omg such a drastic change, but when I need to do work or study or some serious shit, I need solitude. I focus better. Sigh, I'm too easily distracted. (HAHA after typing out this post half way i went on to facebook lololol okok I'm back)
I am also trying to lose weight, or rather decrease my appetite because eversince Hokes came into my life, he turned me into a pig. I also want to tone my body because Hokes the beloved likes playing with my flab and oh god the thunder thighs. non-stop suaning there :( haha but jwong says that weight gain is a sign of a healthy relationship. OKAAAY I guess that's a good thing but I have no desire to end up being a fat flabby walrus, NAH UH, so I shall start training for my napfa too :)
I need more time to do things caz I feel like doing so many things!
Went to Hokes' POP where he'll get a sexy blue beret, haha I have to say his cousin seriously keep cracking me up. lmao siao. and Hokes looks adorable and HOKES PAPA IS SO FUNNY AHAHAHAHHA he was the first to spot Hokes in the parade square (AWWW PAPA!) and then when he tried to take a picture of hokes, HE ZOOMED IN AND TOOK SOMEBODY ELSE'S FACE HAHAHHA HOKES PAPA HOW CAN YOU RECOGNISE YOUR SON FROM FAR AND NOT IN CLOSE UP ZOOOOMED BAHAHAHA OMG SHO KEWT I CANNOT TAHAN.
omg seriously Hokes' family is sho funny through out the whole thing keep laughing, and omg we kept dissing the place too ahahaha aiyo so cute.
I was in charge of this Quran, the holy book, which was beautifully designed. It was on display on the wall. Everyone visited the wall, just to admire the beautiful intricate design of the Quran.
One day, a woman in black hijab approached me. Now that I think about it, she was quite beautiful, with thick lashes lined with kohl, she had big eyes no doubt, and full lips. She had high cheek bones and her features are proportionate and placed perfectly on her face. Fair skinned, dark eyes, she looks like a typical middle-eastern woman. I seem to find most of them beautiful anyway. Her hair was high and tied back and could be seen peeking between her forehead and the hijab.
She then approached me and told me she wanted to buy the Quran. I asked her, what for? She said she is a collector and she loves collecting beautiful Qurans. I told her to give me time to think about it. And went away.
Later, I caught her touching the Quran. I reprimanded her, Have you taken your ablution? She said yes. I told her the Quran is only for display purposes. She asked me again if she could have it.
"Name any price. I'll write you a cheque. You could use the money to do anything you want. Renovate the wall. Build a museum. Anything. Any price."
I asked her again, what would you do with it?
"I would display it in my home of course," she said wistfully," among other beautiful things, where people who know how to appreciate it, like me, can appreciate its beauty to the fullest extent."
"But isn't it of more good here? Where more people can see and appreciate its beauty?" I argued.
"Ah, but what use is it, if they don't really know how to appreciate it? All they do is look and see a pretty designed Quran. Can I touch it?" she never took her eyes off the Quran.
I said no.
"What you lust after is material beauty. You want it because of its beautiful cover. The beauty of the Quran is not in its cover. It is in Allah's words. Thus, all Qurans are beautiful. For this reason, I cannot sell you the Quran. It will remain on this wall for everyone to appreciate it equally," I said.
She closed her eyes and nodded her head, I understand. And left.
I woke up to my mum telling me to drink some soya-milk because I had been very ill the night before and I need food in my system. I find it pretty scary that I dreamt this in the month of Ramadhan. And more so, that I had even said those words in my dream. I tried to re-enact it the best I could BUT TRUST ME I sounded deeper and wiser in my dream. In reality I could never have come up with words like that. The phrasings are so... old-school. And peculiar. Come on man, I'm too hip to talk like that. OK, freaky period over. I'll tell you about my other dreams another time.
And I refuse to talk to Alfred until he gets over himself.
For God's sake, since I refuse to talk to you until you actually grow up, here's a not-so-little message on my humble blog.
GET OVER YOURSELF.
You were late. For school. By an hour. While I highly doubt it's possible that could be an hour late when you left the house early/on time. But let's give you the benefit of the doubt. Let's say you DID left the house EARLY, let's say the traffic was RIDICULOUSLY HORRIBLE, and the bus is UNBEARABLY SLOW, and you were, in all honesty, an hour late.
Isn't it completely idiotic, to reach school, and then decide to return home JUST BECAUSE you're an hour late and the lecturer might actually say something about it and you just don't wanna listen to it. You could have a productive 2 hour lesson out of the 3 hour prac lesson.
But just because Dr F is gonna say what, 2-3 lines at most? You're gonna miss the entire lesson. I'm sorry but I find it completely idiotic to waste your time like that.
STOP LETTING YOUR EMOTIONS RULE YOUR LIFE.
I once did, and look where it got me? I ****ed up my life. At least I actually make an effort to fix it. You don't even bother trying. I hate unambitious people.
I said the things I said to you to WAKE YOU UP. Stop thinking you're the most important person in the world. Stop making mountains out of molehills.
Let me quote your oh so victimized text message.
"Right. lik you are acting lik a 19? you just said e worst thing you can say to your fren.your fren who had e worst holiday yet stayed strong to cheer you up to tolerate with your hokes frenzy.your bloody fren who you think is childish and redundant."
What pisses me of is how you assume I think you're childish and redundant.
Do I think you're behaving childishly now?
Yes.
Do I think you're redundant?
No. I have never thought my friends redundant. Close or distant, all my friends played a role in my life to shape me into who I am today. Putting words into my mouth eh, dear friend?
YOU had the worst holiday? Really now. HAD YOU CONSULTED ME regarding Her I might actually get your head outta the clouds long enough for you to stop taking action on impulse. Now look, at the mess you got yourself into. GET OVER IT. BGR issues are small issues. Yes they strike close to the heart but STOP MAKING IT YOUR ENTIRE WORLD.
Regarding Hokes, I think you're being unfair to me. You know how much time I have left with Hokes. You know why I focus my time with him because you have more opportunities than him to meet me, see me, talk to me.
I say these things not to spitefully hurt you. YES, I'm pissed at you, but this is the brutal honest painful truth. Here I am trying to HELP YOU but how can I help you WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER TRYING HELPING YOURSELF.
I see no effort made whatsoever.
You stayed strong to cheer me up and tolerate my hokes frenzy? You know it's just a SMALL THING, what makes you think I would forgo YOUR ISSUES just because I'm suddenly crazy over Hokes? You didn't even bother TRYING to tell me about your issues. You speak as if I rattle on and on about Hokes non-stop.
PUH-LEASE.
YOU HAD MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO SHARE IT WITH ME. IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO, I RESPECT YOUR ****ing DECISION SO DON'T ACT AS IF I WASN'T BEING YOUR FRIEND.
You could have asked me out ANY DAY, you didn't. The only day I rejected you to go out with Hokes was because we only had a week left with each other. And also because I just lan-ed with you and Hokes the other day to try cheer you up.
You could have called me ANY TIME, you didn't. Want me to check my call log?
You could have msn-ed me ANY TIME, I'm online almost every other night. But when you did, you didn't even come close to telling me.
I rattle on and on about Hokes is it? That I don't even give you ANY OPPORTUNITY AT ALL TO OPEN UP TO ME? PLEASE LA, THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT HOKES REGARDLESS OF MY LOVE FOR HIM.
Stop acting victimized. GET your act together. Here I am trying to help you and you think I happily happily kick you deeper into the mud when you're down? WAKE UP, ALFRED. THERE ARE THINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR MOODS.
How dare you act self-righteous? As if you're the only one going through one of your lowest points in life.
You did not see me breakdown when Ryan gave me the ultimatum. You did not see me breakdown when my mother told me I was ruining her life, ruining her family as if I'm not part of the family. You did not see me struggling to sleep. You did not see me rejecting Lexapro. You did not see me trying to get myself in the right state of mind.
Don't act as if you're so wonderful a friend that you've been there for me all along.
I understand depression. I've been there. It's addictive. It makes you feel good about your misery. It makes you feel alone, like no one understands you. It makes you come up with excuses and makes you BELIEVE in your own excuses. You've seen me there, done that. I've said depression makes you stupid.
SO don't let something stupid like depression ruin your life too.
Everytime you feel down, and upset or depressed about your life, just remember someone else out there has it worse.
Your problems are NOTHING, compared to some people out there. You CAN get over these problems so stop happily wallow in your misery and start doing something about it.
Sure, I skip school too. Sure, I sleep in lectures. But AT LEAST I have the attitude to WANT to accomplish something. I don't see that in you at all. It annoys me.
I've yet to slap you for making me wait for 2 ****ing hours yesterday.
Get out of the abyss of self-pity. Help me help you. I'm not gonna bitch about you being irritating to other people and ignore you totally. I'm here if you want help. Just make an effort to reach out to it.
I love coffee. It keeps me up when I need to be up. And. I'm still praying. I desperately hope you're okay. Please be. Please. I look like a panda. I want to look like a panda forever if it means you'll be okay. I'd fail any common test, if it means you're okay. I don't like how insignificant you seem in my life because you're just the calefare. I don't like how significant you seem now because something drastic happened. I'm sorry. I saw WS. WS says he heard from R that your condition is improving and not deteriorating. I'm relieved. Be okay. Please. Your friends are worried for you. I see a girl crying. Everyone's waiting for you. You matter alot to them. So be okay. Please.
-16048 I remember feeling low I remember losing hope I remember all the feelings And the day they stopped
[Edit: Texas is the fattest state in America. Just so you know.] [2nd Edit: By fattest state, I mean it has the most cases of obese individuals. Not it's geographical size whatsoever. I mean, come on, yall ain't that stupid right?]
Studying makes you eat alot. It's 5.44am. BCHEM's test is at 9am. I'm meeting up earlier in school at 8.30am. Which means I have to leave the house at 7am. I need about 30 mins to change. So I need to stop studying at 6.30am. That gives me about 45 mins.
SHEEEEEET.
What am I still doing here?
This time I wonder what it feels like To find the one in this life The one we all dream of But dreams just aren't enough So I´ll be waiting for the real thing. I'll know it by the feeling. The moment when we´re meeting Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen So I`ll be holdin’ my breath Right up to the end Until that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there. 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere. There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight And damn it this feels too right It´s just like Déjà Vu Me standin’ here with you So I´ll be holdin`my breath Could this be the end? Is it that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up! When you're Lookin´ for a diamond in the rough Because you never know when it shows up Make sure you´re holdin` on ‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there. And everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There's gotta be somebody for me Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there And everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There's gotta be somebody for me out there.
-14606 If you judge people, you have no time to love them. -Mother Theresa
3 persons. 1 blog. Elle, Ryan, Jacob.
I do not have split personality.
Ry and Jacob are real people and to differentiate between our posts, do look at the labels below each post.
Labels:
Elle= The Queen
Jacob= The Anarchist
Ryan= The King
