helloooo people, if I can live with your ideals, get over mineee. And stop misinterpreting!

Come on, I am not turning into a robot. If ever, I'll most likely be more empathetic! Stop being the "mature" people thinking awww this girl is trying to be different when she's actually the same. Really, lame mentality.

Like I've replied an angry person's email, I KNOW I'm not the only one in this world facing shit OH MY GOD PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELVES THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME. Goodness? This is life, at some point of time, at some aspects in life, SOMEONE will have it worse than you at something. So I cannot be sad over my predicament? It's not as if I'm not getting over it? I am! Why are you guys so clogged up in your brains that you must stick to your ideals and your principles only? Be open minded, accept that people are different, people think differently. If I can accept you for who you are, then stop being a bitch to me?


For all the harping about "look at yourself" don't look at others, the entire point of the post is that I HAVE. I want to STOP JUDGING (don't you read? I really do question your intelligence now) I want to be a GOOD PERSON and it's okay that there are people with flaws! I do my best to be a better person everyday, and that is what counts. I appreciate things that are done for me and if I don't or forget to, and you find it offensive, TELL ME LIKE HOW I TELL YOU. And if you don't find an issue with it, then be happy that you made me happy! Stop playing these stupid childish games!


Like I've said countless times, I judge people. you judge people. EVERYONE will form impressions in their minds about people but ACTION IS KEY. I want to STOP acting on my judgments and I hope that the world would see the same. That though you judge, you are open-minded enough to give the person the benefit of the doubt, that they might change or actually have an amazing trait lurking beneath the nonsense that you've not seen.


I will not be friends with ANYONE. Understand? No 50% no 60% and all that bs. Goodness me. I respond to your actions(good or bad, if you are a bad person, I AM SURE I WILL RESPOND POSITIVELY TO YOUR 1% GOOD ACTION I am pretty sure you're human not satan), and I WILL BE a friend, in terms of action. I will not stand by and watch you fall or deliberately ruin your life or be heartless or be a robot. I am NOT pushing people away you retards! PEOPLE LIKE YOU make me want to push people away but I DONT. It is precisely that humans are all greys and not black and white, that's why I am a friend to everyone. Whether you take drugs, or stole a car, or bitch about people, or cheat on your lover, or are selfish, or have sex with anyone, even animals, I. Don't. Care.

What I don't want is to call you MY FRIEND. Because people like you, have to harp on it like crraaaaazzzaaayyy. I would have a relationship with you YES, it's impossible to not have a relationship with someone unless you've never met the person. Just the KIND of relationship, it would not be friendship. It would be purely based on actions on the spot.


And with regards to my exclusive few, I love you and I don't give a shit what you think about me even though I'm feeling abit of retardation from all of you. I DONT CARE. I dont care if you don't love me anymore, I don't care if you do. I love you because I love you and I do things because I love you FULLSTOP.

I don't expect anything from you SO DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM MEEEEEE BETCHEZ. I am already being the best person I possibly can, yes I make mistakes and I accept my mistakes and rectify them if I knew them and knew how.

I would not be making up theories if I don't abide to them myself. SERIOUSLY, I'm not an idiot. And I don't IMPOSEEEEE my theories on you. Okay? So please get over yourselves and your ideals because it's starting to look like you think you're the better person and your theories are the only right theories and I can't have mine.

Of course my theories can have holes poked if I don't explain it well(and theories are theories not facts), I can't, it's hard for me to express myself in words, I don't have that gift, but why don't you open up your mind a little and try to see it from how I'm seeing it, because I DO KNOW HOW YOU SEE IT and I understand WHY you see it that way and I ACCEPT IT that you want to believe in it.


Like flipping religion, I can see why Christians love Jesus to death and Buddhists believe in karma and bla bla bla. It's not that I don't read up about it, I know! You've told me all about your flipping religion! And I see where you're coming from and I accept it, I just choose not to believe in it!


I don't want nouns to express how I feel about you, unless it's something like family (DNA will kick your ass trying to deny it)or boyfriend or girlfriend (THERE IS SOMETHING WRONGGG with your r/s if you don't want a status because these are steps before marriage, BEFORE FAMILY, the commitment needs to be there)

But friends? The commitment DOES NOT need to be there. There is no ties. You're speaking up for me Jacob, like the rest of you. There is no ties. ONLY LOVE. Friends does not equal love! LOVE IS LOVEEE. Because I have you in my personal regard, because I LOVE YOU, I WILL be there for you I WILL have a commitment to YOU. okay? And it is not easy to love someone so NO I DO NOT LOVE EVERYONE. (And if you don't love your family and boyfriend or girlfriend then it sucks to be you)

So NOOOOO god I just don't believe in friends, get over it, if I don't love you, TOO BADDD I am sure someone else does (You still have family you whiny ass) and if I do, WOW GOOD FOR YOU. one more person in your life loves you, don't you feel loveddddd?


Basically I will be the same person my actions are the same, IF you had not known and read this post, YOU WOULD FIND NO SIGNIFICANT CHANGE IN ME, the only thing that has changed is my PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE. so why are you finding an ISSUEEEEE with me?
I am THIS sort of person, a person who analyses things and I do it because I find it important, you have your own set of things important to you and I have mind.
I find it important because it defines my purpose and how I feel and perceive about life, the journey that I AM TAKINGGG NOT YOUUUU LALALA HELLO HELLO WAKE UP. STOP SHAKING ME CAZ I AM AWAKE.


Look at the gazillion people in my life whom I call friends. Really, wont you find it more offensive that I consider an insignificant person friends and you friends when youre more significant to me?
So what I do, I do, because I care in some way but to hell with friends. I do it not because "it's what friends should do." screw that okay? Everything I do MEANS something, and in your point of view you would call it "friendship"

I don't. Okay? I call it love. Personal regard. Whatever. Different people, different degree of regard. GET OVER ITTTT.

Stop trying to show me that I am wrong and yet tell me at the same time "there is no right and wrong" YOU look who's doing the judging. hypocritical bunch of shits leh all of you! wahlao! Must bombard me for what I believe in? I am so disappointed in all of you! haha and I don't really care if you're disappointed in me or son't want to be friends with me. like everything else in life, I can live with it and I can move on. Just because I can, does not mean I am a robot and you are such wonderful empathetic human beings. Fuck off.

NOW, I want to talk about my day hahahaha. Hmm I watched Detroit Metal City, the first few episodes of the anime and OMG SO FUNNAYYY HAHAHAHA-

eh wait, I forget to tell Jacob I love him too eventhough he always think he's better than me and everyone and drive me crazy. See? I told you. I love means I love forever AIYO LEAVE ME ALONE LAH. No "friends" to love me also never mind. My family does and hopefully a future husband to have a family with. TADA! Happiness. Hehehehahaha.-

OKAY continue. Anyway remember Singapore Idol? the third season (latest one) there was this dude in long blonde hair and costume and face painting I JUST WATCHED DETROIT METAL CITY SO NOW THEN I REALISED WHO KRAUSER IS HAHAHAHAHA

You see, in Detroit Metal City, Krauser is this crazy metal screamo guy, lead singer of a screamo metal band. BUT this guy accidentally joined that band, he thought it would be a lovey dovey meaningful soft melodious tunes kinda band. BECAUSE HE IS ACTUALLY that kinda of person! But the sad thing is that he is good at being metal screamo and his love songs SUCKSSSS. Hahahaha! And everytime the anime shows him trying to sing love songs he looks soooo retarded and gay and mushy BAHAHAHA

So, my point is, Krauser on SG Idol I SALUTE YOUUUU. The irony is BEAUTIFULLL how you dress like that and purposely sing a love song hahahaha THE JUDGES ARE STUPID. Your voice isn't that bad and you should make it through and they should appreciate the irony. But sadly, eventhough the judges are immersed in the MEDIA industry, they don't know the existence of KRAUSER, shame on you! Aiyah, I think the judges are retarded to begin with so whatever.

(Hate Dick Lee. He's a dick hehehehehe and Florence is really a Lian. Don't know anything but act like know everything. Ken is arrogant and think he so damn good. BUT I respect that occasionally his comments are professional and made sense. Other than that, I think all three judges are RUDE and purposely try to mock and diss people because they think they are so funny and give entertainment value. Disgusting. Even American Idol isn't mean please.Singaporeans really over do things.)

And then I recently I also watched Survivor (just the last episode because I cannot be bothered with TV) AND OMG ASS TO THE MAX RUSSEL SHOULD HAVE WON. I was so upset, Russel was so upset UGHHH people are just sore losers and sometimes need to OPEN UP THEIR MINDS and see that the bad people have good in them and that eventhough russel betrayed everyone like siao and lie and deceive and manipulate and use people? HE DID IT FOR THE GAME. It is how you play the game! And they should stop taking it personally and give him the win because HE deserves it! Jaison is stupid because he said in real like "you would hate the Russel and you wouldnt want to let him win" OMG YOU CHILDISH BRAT IN REAL LIFE, YOUR PRIZE IS DEATH.
Idiot.

You die, you go to heaven or hell. So the point of the game of Life, is to do good things, live a purposeful life and ENJOY THE JOURNEY. In survivor, SCREW THE JOURNEY ONLY 1 MONTH WHAT, and you get a million dollars! Doesn't mean that Russel is a bad person! He just know what to do in the game! Wahlao! hate sore losers and people who take it personally. I AM SO UPSET FOR RUSSELLLLLL :( Russel I am officially your number 1 fan because I APPRECIATE THAT HOW YOU PLAYED THE GAME WAS AN ART MAN. WOOOAAHHH
hahahahahaha

shiz man my post is very long and I have chores to do but I really don't feel like doing them. I feel like eating. RAWR. I really feel like eating.SIGHZ it seems I am gaining weight even thought I cut down on my food.WTHHHH. And I have been exercising (though not as often as I want to)sigghhhh not enough! Must do more! RAWR.

Hokes is my favouritest boy in the world. That's why he's my boyfriend. Not the other way around. Yay! It seems I still cant wear that halter dress. Sad. I want to make custard tarts. Without growing fat. maybe give some to my aunts, cousins and hokes' family too. Hmm. I would give Jacob too. But he would never meet me. And Ryan but he's overseas. And other people but they are angry with me. TOO BAD. no yummy tarts for you! until you want to talk to me. because actually i am ok. HAHA. contradictory. Im ok if youre ok. OK! my mama is being annoying but I love my papa like crazy suddenly caz I thought he almost died. Sigh, it's so cute when your parents show you they love you. SEE. NO MATTER WHAT MUST RESPECT YOUR PARENTS. even if they are wrong and retarded. omg I really feel like eating tarts. See? this is how my train of thought travels.

I am weird.

Labels: Angry Bombs, Brother, Elle, fweedom, HELLO, Insanity, Jacob, Mum, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Questionable, Religion, ryan pwns asses, The Anarchist, The King, The Queen, Weird Shiz

Holy turds I haven't been updating my blog in ages. Haven't talked to Ryan and Jacob in ages too. Awww the spaces between us are wider! Even I've been neglecting Hokes (sorry dear) just get caught up in things and well it's just taxing to finish everything in the weekdays just so I can have the weekends untouched and for Hokes and only Hokes. I really do love spending the entire day uninterrupted with him :)

So really, I would prefer anything else to just be slot on a weekday tyvm :)

Time flies and gosh it's 2 weeks to common tests. SHITS. Serious lack of time now. It seems I cannot decide whether I want to be alone in school or not. People (or person in fact) have been sticking to me in lectures and leeching off my reputation and I DON'T LIKE. I hate being used but then again, work needs to be done and I need help, so I cannot be a loner as much as I would like to be.

WAI DONT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?


So okay, everyone else is being cooperative (goooood gooooood very gooooooood!!!) they established a nice "hi-bye" relationship with me, which I like caz I don't really wanna "talk and have fun" with you in lectures. I actually wanna listen and be in my own little world. SO IT'S GOOD! Thank you rest-of-the-world! But this particular person keeps sms-ing me whether I'll be going for lectures and basically stalking me because he wants to sit with me in lectures so he won't look like a loser. I RESENT THAT HELLO. Firstly, your reputation is bad. Nobody likes you and you sticking with me? It makes people think that the only friends I have, is you. And you like that because my reputation is well, I'm not popular, but people certainly know me. so... NO, you aint rolling with me boy.

But then again, I don't mind actually, I mean I'll be your friend, if you are a person worth being friends with, I would. But since you are just using my reputation? I'm gonna play your game. AINT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN BITCH. So, from being indifferent to my reputation, since you do care, I'm gonna care and make sure you don't get what you want (and destroy my rep at the same time)

Plus, you are disgusting. Stop staring at my boobs! SPEAK TO THE FACE! the fat face but face nonetheless!

Besides all of that, this particular person is being less repulsive (if that is even possible) this year, he's been reading psychology/self-help books AND NOT UNDERSTANDING IT because his English sucks but have been discussing it with me (and I like this kinda stuff) so I'll explain them to him. I. Am. Such. A. Nice. Person.
Lmao, and no I'm not being conceited. I'm trying to make myself believe in that so that I'll actually turn out to be a nice person! Get it? Hahhaahaha.


My mum's friends are so annoying and wonderful and annoying AND NOT FAIR they keep buying her stuff, like bags and clothes and it's so wtf-ing. I do not understand the concept of it all(?????) but well this is how the dice rolled for her so okay. One of her friends wanted to give her a Guess bag (FOR GOD'S SAKE GIVE MEEEE) and told her if she didn't like it, she can give it to me! (PLEASE HATE IT PLEASEEE) hahahaha I guess God is compensating her for having such a horrid daughter. Sorry mum. But it is afterall my life. But hey! I'm doing my best to make you happy!

Mum has like what? 5 bags given as gifts from her friends? and countless clothes and scarves. RAWR. Sorry, I don't have sincere friends that would give me gifts because they have too much money and because they love me. The friends who do love me mostly dont have too much money.

I'm still wondering what I'm supposed to do with 21.
Oh if you don't know what 21 is. Here you go.


Mission name: 21
Objectives: Live your life.


So basically at 21, I'm gonna stop letting mum force me to do things. Of course I want to be an air stewardess but... I don't see it happening without mum disowning me. Sigh... what a depressing topic.
Anyway! basically my plan is that at 21, I'll begin this transition where I'll do things without asking her permission, but merely informing her in advance what I'm gonna do.


WHICH IS BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS BTW PPL! I'm not a prisoner afterall! So I'll begin like going out as and when I like. (I predict a huge fight will explode from this) But I will persevere and CONDITION her to get used to me LIVING MY LIFE. I will stay over at people's house as and when I want to (don't worry, I respect my parents enough to make sure they're either family or close girlfriends) I will keep my curfew at 12 midnight. And I will go overseas with my friends and no one can stop me. NO ONE. OKAY?

I want to live, really live before I'm tied down with responsibilities like a stable job and a family (like children and all that) I lived my life for you all these while! It's time to live for ME. I'm so sorry that our ideals clash and our lifestyles are vastly different but it doesn't give you any right to puppet me!


yay!
I will go through with this, I want this so bad and I love my parents (grudgingly) I do, so I want them to be happy but I MUST TEACH THEM TO BE HAPPY WITH ME. With the real me...



Anyway, CHRISTMAS IS AROUND THE CORNERRRRR!!! So exciting, but yeah yeah I know as a Muslim you're not supposed to celebrate this stuffs. Aww. But I don't believe in it doesn't mean I can't enjoy the festive feel, right..? I'm not doing traditional stuffs, I don't give presents and eat turkey and all that jazz so it's alright right?
TOTALLY LOVEEEE the decoration and lights and it feels so magical and fantasy like ooooohhh, the atmosphere is nais. :D but man life is such a bitch how they celebrate christmas and chinese new year on a much grander scale. DAMN YOUS. so unfair! If Deepavali is the festival of lights YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE LIGHTS EVERYWHERE THAN CHRISTMAS!!! I can totally think up a good mood and atmosphere for Deepavali. And Hari Raya? Go traditional! DAMNNN we have such good cultures STOP WESTERNIZING IT'S SO GAY AND WANNABE-ISH so embarrassing!

But well Singapore is LIKE THAT, damn retarded I still can't make up my mind whether to migrate or not, I love the country but the people? DAMNNNN. Hahaha

Wow, my ideal Christmas would be bright beautiful decorations, especially a giant christmas tree, warm fireplace AND IT WILL BE SNOWING OUTSIDE HOW MAGICALLL IT MAKES YOU WANNA BELIEVE IN SANTAAAAA but santa doesnt exist so no I don't believe in santa, nor christmas DOESNT MAKE IT ANYLESS EXCITING!

It's about setting the mood! Man, maybe I should be an events planner! Hahahaha ok maybe not >.>

And ew I'm blabbing too much!



Ughhhh gotta document my life down, words are so important to me. It can make or break a legend, words live forever if there is someone to read it! (and understand it) so despite having a life and being busy, I shall make an effort to pen down my thoughts on a more regular basis. Till next time! Be nice!

Labels: Elle, HELLO, Insanity, Mum, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, Religion, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

Lady Gaga's Paparazzi is suddenly speaking to me in volumes. Hahaha I watched her music video and loved it. She's so weird. Recently watched an interview and the interviewer asked her about her love life. She shooked her head and went," Nope. No nah-uh." and when he tried to probe deeper, she looked around and said," Can we just stick to my music? Please?"

Hahaha THANK YOU thank for being so painfully honest. Even though it calls for awkward situations but like her, I've also learned from life, screw awkward situations. Even if I am put in one, no one will make me feel awkward without my consent!

Had a conversation about this with Cass Lee recently and we regret holding back in our lives. Now we say what we mean and mean what we say and god I feel liberated. It feels good to not care what people think about you. And more often than not, being honest equals less complications which is just the way I like it.


I mean look. It's true now I'm all antisocial not hanging out with people and I deliberately keep to myself and don't indulge in small talk to "make friends" and it's perfectly alright.

:)

I'm not gonna pretend I know you very well. I'm not gonna pretend I know many people and are close to many people. I'm not gonna pretend I'm popular and well loved.
I KNOW I'm not such a hideous person that everyone hates me. I KNOW I get along fine with alot of people. I KNOW people might get irritated with me and it's okay.

I mean, this image thing is getting too out of hand. It's like high school. All this politics and sticking with friends and pretending you're close to someone and what what what whaaaaat?

Hahahaha. If everyone hated me right now I think I would embrace it with open arms caz I love myself so much right now, dammit ryan, your influence is too strong! Ryan is a narcissist by the way :)


The people I love should know by now I love yous even though I don't consistently express it. I'm shy like that. The people I'm not close to, or just casual friends with, I'm perfectly fine with you too.

I think everyone actually appreciates me being solo in lab because I KNOW you don't really wanna talk to me. You, like me, just wanna do your FYP in routined peace and it actually feels good. You don't have to crack your heads to think of what to say in a feeble attempt at small talks. GOD I AM SO CONSIDERATE EVERYONE LOVE ME NOW.

HAHAHAHA EW I AM SO UP MYSELF EW RYAN EW EW EEEEEEEEEWWW this is your doing :D


I feel like I'm less dependant on friends now. I've become more introverted. Somehow friends became such a shallow word. I cannot refer to anyone I know as friends, because to me, a friend is... well a friend. Like really you've been a true friend kinda friend. But it feels kinda cold to call you an acquaintance haha but you know what I mean. I finally understood my 3rd aunt too. I don't need friends actually. It's not a need. I mean, many people can be your "friend". Your cousin can be your friend. Your relatives, siblings anyone in your family can be a friend. So... friends. Friends come and go and some people are good ones and some suck at being friends.

I think it's the thought that counts? If you look carefully in your life, alot of your friends actually take advantage of you. You may feel like that person is so important to you but they may not feel the same way back. I used to love my friends to death. Everyone whether we're close or not. I appreciate them. Now I don't. Because they don't. So when you need me, I'll be there for you, it's the most human thing to do. But if I lose you? I can live with it.

It's not that I don't cherish friendship anymore. I do. And I will put in effort to maintain all my (real) friendships. It's just that I have come to terms with and accept that there is a possibility where the day comes when we're no longer friends and I'm able to move on and live with it. Like someone once told me, Friends come and go. It doesn't mean I don't give a rat's ass about friendships anymore you know? There's a difference. I hope none of you will misunderstand and I hope it won't change the state of our current friendship.

And also, this introverted-don't-talk-to-people thing? It's a phase or mood or whatever name you'd like to give it. It'll pass and suddenly I feel like partying and being a social butterfly again. Actually, if you put me in a situation where I HAVE to socialise, I think I'd still do a decent job at it. It's just that given a choice, I like to do my work in peace :D And not wander around, sit next to a random and ask how's your FYP going along. Or ask people to have dinner with me caz I'm bored or something like that that I used to do.


Haha I see my posts have been rather long and wordy. It's a mood really (:

Labels: Elle, fweedom, Music, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

I just want to eat something. Or sleep.


But I can't caz I gotta wait till 12 midnight to take my meds.



Rawr?


Okay I guess since I haven't been blogging, I should finish this post proper. Well see, the reason I haven't been blogging is because I don't feel the need to. Amazing isn't it? I always thought it was an outlet, one of the more essential outlets in my life because if I don't blow off steam here, I'd morph into one of the most crazy bitch this planet has ever seen.

I guess I'm changing again? Haha I don't come online often, and when I do I don't feel like talking to anyone. And if I've got something on my chest I need to vomit out, there's Hokes who's perpetually asking me regarding my well-being so how not to tell the lovely boy? Well, actually I do enjoy talking to him, I don't know how he puts up with me, really I don't because while I was being such a bitch, I even annoyed myself.

I'm lucky :D

Let's see, today started off crappy. First thing in the morning a bird shat on my arm. It was warm. Awesome. Warm white poop dripping down my right arm and people around were sniggering and holding their laughter. GLAAAAD I MADE YOUR DAAAAY.

So I had to wipe it off with paper since I didn't bring any tissue, and walked all the way to the train station's toilet before I can wash my arm.
Oh god talk about gross.


What a bad mannered bird. You shouldn't poop so inconsiderately. Look at hamsters, they know how to poop in a corner. You wouldn't like someone pooping on you would you?



On a less disgusting note, recently went over to Hoke's godsis's place. Apparently, his family has alot of these family gatherings which I find very nice and wish my family had more of these. I think we used to but my parents kinda screwed relations in my family. Ah well. Maybe it was me. I don't know. I love all of you, you know? Sigh. Even though I don't know how to express it properly.

ANYWAYS, Hokes and his bros and cousins went to the room to play Wii and omg it was hilarious. I've never laughed to hard in ages. :D I was afraid to intrude on family time, you know how people tend to be more comfortable with their own family rather than outsiders but I learned from life that if you try, they'll try too and I think everyone got along just fine :D

The most epic Wii moment was when we were playing this mini game called B.R.U.S.H. by some bunny game and you're supposed to move the controller according to the actions on screen.

Like you move up and down when it's a toothbrush to brush your teeth.
Left and right for a razor to shave your chin.


EPIC MOMENT: I moved up and down when I saw a razor (accident! I swear!) and my bunny started razoring his teeeth hahahahahaha with sparks flying hahahaha omg I swear I laughed so hard I couldn't play the rest of the game properly xD


Went to Island Creamery for dessert and MMMMMMM YUMMEHZ. I talked more to Hokes' brothers more in a day than I have in the entire 6 months I've known them. And they seriously crack me up.

SAW CASS NGGGGG ♥ who was with her classmates, gave her a hug but left caz the family split into 2 groups, adult and kids and kids corner were at MacDs where Hokes' 2nd bro was feasting. Conversations includes Mac and Microsoft debate which is something I have no stand on at the moment.

(I can't judge caz I've never used a Mac- and you need to be a regular user before you can properly judge)

Oh oh and Hokes' nieces are uber adorableeeee. I kept stealing them and carrying the younger one (I seriously had to control myself from raining her with hugs and kisses) the older one seems friendly with me now, she constantly try to get my attention WHICH I LOVE caz she always ignore me the previous times I've seen her.

Hahahaha I like his family alrdy. I need to thank so many of them I'm losing count. They were awfully nice and welcoming and awwww :')



Oh did I mention we tried to cook pasta for lunch that day? And kinda failed caz it tasted weird and funny but still alright, we finished up our meal and Hokes' 2nd bro went for seconds HAHA yeah his bro ate our cooking hahahahahaha epicccc.


:) Wii is officially the coolest thing on earth according to me. :D I'm so gonna save up for one in future :D:D And omg can someone please please please buy me Season 1-6 of Grey's Anatomy so I can sit and eat chips and go on a Grey's marathon. That would be awesome shit.


I MISS HOKES the dodo is in armyyyy and I won't see him till Sundayyyy gaaaaayyy. Ryan has been keeping me company with random heartwarming short emails and texts and our occasional go-crazy-and-retardedly-random conversations at night when I actually bother coming online. Other than that, Hokes and seeing Cass Lee for FYP, that's the only human connection I get apart from my family.


Told you I'm antisocial.
I'm pretty much alone these days, but I'm not lonely. I kinda like it. I was lonely once. It was at night and I was emo (as usual, I'm always emo at night) but Ry cheered me up :) That was also when I was PMS-ing.

I'm actually quite contented with life, despite irritating Singaporeans, FYP, tutoring and stuffs that has kept me from enjoying my hols. But yeah, life is boring, slow, monotonous, routine-d and uneventful save for random things like Hokes' family gathering, I'm not worrying.

I think I've accepted that I screwed up my life and now the only thing you can do is make the best of it. And I am, and enjoying it too. I hope this feeling lasts caz the next time I PMS I'm gonna ruin it all and feel like shit again.

And wow. This is a pretty long post. Not bad.
:)

Labels: Babies, DVD, Elle, Insanity, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

transexual by *Bob-Rz on deviantART

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
gushhhhhhhhh
guys are such assesssssssss
i wish i were lesbiannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
hahahhaa
or a guy

kt says:
hahaha cannot. later jefri die

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
lol.

kt says:
or become gay

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
i told him i wish iw ere a guy
then he said cannot, then he wouldnt be able to be w me.
so i said its okay. he can be gay
then he said no!

kt says:
hahahaha

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
oh em geee
hahaha
then i whacked him. xDD
he’s not supposed to say no! LOL
he’s supposed to say he would be gay for me. hahahahhahahahahahhahaha

kt says:
hahaha “i would be gay for you my love”
HAHA JINX

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
HAHAHAH OMG YOU READ MY MIND
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA





Hahahaha talk about apt!

Labels: Chat Log, Comic, Elle, Photo Log, Questionable, The Queen, Weird Shiz

So, I don't exactly get why people go on msn to only set their status as 'away' and leave the computer there for days.

Hmm, people are weird.

And, katie aka kt aka grrrrrrrrfriend aka elle aka tan tan aka khalisah is playing FFRRRRRR aka FRAWRHHHHH. And so...below is a little snippet of our conversation that gave me inspiration to blog.

kt says (12:50 AM):
YOU WANTED MY ATTENSHUNNNN
HAHAAHA
where are you? says (12:50 AM):
i know. and youre still not giving me enough of it
kt says (12:52 AM):
wtffff
I WILL BITEEEEE YOUUUU
where are you? says (12:53 AM):
but youre not
I WANT LOADS LOADS BUCKET LOADSSS OF ATTENTION
kt says (12:54 AM):
RYAN WOOOOW
YOU LOOK AWESOMEEEEE

And so apparently according to her that's considered as giving 'attention'.
Wow.

Labels: Elle, ryan pwns asses, Weird Shiz

I was in charge of this Quran, the holy book, which was beautifully designed. It was on display on the wall. Everyone visited the wall, just to admire the beautiful intricate design of the Quran.

One day, a woman in black hijab approached me. Now that I think about it, she was quite beautiful, with thick lashes lined with kohl, she had big eyes no doubt, and full lips. She had high cheek bones and her features are proportionate and placed perfectly on her face. Fair skinned, dark eyes, she looks like a typical middle-eastern woman. I seem to find most of them beautiful anyway. Her hair was high and tied back and could be seen peeking between her forehead and the hijab.

She then approached me and told me she wanted to buy the Quran. I asked her, what for? She said she is a collector and she loves collecting beautiful Qurans. I told her to give me time to think about it. And went away.


Later, I caught her touching the Quran. I reprimanded her, Have you taken your ablution? She said yes. I told her the Quran is only for display purposes. She asked me again if she could have it.

"Name any price. I'll write you a cheque. You could use the money to do anything you want. Renovate the wall. Build a museum. Anything. Any price."

I asked her again, what would you do with it?


"I would display it in my home of course," she said wistfully," among other beautiful things, where people who know how to appreciate it, like me, can appreciate its beauty to the fullest extent."


"But isn't it of more good here? Where more people can see and appreciate its beauty?" I argued.

"Ah, but what use is it, if they don't really know how to appreciate it? All they do is look and see a pretty designed Quran. Can I touch it?" she never took her eyes off the Quran.

I said no.

"What you lust after is material beauty. You want it because of its beautiful cover. The beauty of the Quran is not in its cover. It is in Allah's words. Thus, all Qurans are beautiful. For this reason, I cannot sell you the Quran. It will remain on this wall for everyone to appreciate it equally," I said.


She closed her eyes and nodded her head, I understand.
And left.



I woke up to my mum telling me to drink some soya-milk because I had been very ill the night before and I need food in my system. I find it pretty scary that I dreamt this in the month of Ramadhan. And more so, that I had even said those words in my dream. I tried to re-enact it the best I could BUT TRUST ME I sounded deeper and wiser in my dream. In reality I could never have come up with words like that. The phrasings are so... old-school. And peculiar. Come on man, I'm too hip to talk like that. OK, freaky period over. I'll tell you about my other dreams another time.

Labels: Dreams, Elle, Morning Madness, Religion, The Queen, Weird Shiz

Lmaoaoaoaoaooaoa.

Luh-maw?

L-maw?

Luh-mau-oh?

L-em-ay-oh?

Lame-oh?

Lam-owwwww?

L-mayo?

Labels: Random Mandoms, The King, Weird Shiz

The BFF is over at my placeeeee.

haha she's stealing my pretty letter writing pads and writing letters randomly to random people and watching awesome songs on youtube by Andy McKee and Antoine Dufour and I'm letting her listen to PaperBag's songs and she's waiting for Sleeping Beauty to be done streaming so we can watch it (YES, we are in Disney Mood) I have OneRepublic on iTunes and we're singing along to it while she's on her phone with her BF, while mine is in the JUNGLEEEEE this very moment, I hope he's okay :/

Spent the last 3 days with Hokes, yay! :) I have a huge reserve of happy juice to last me till next week :) So I think I'll be fine :) :)

OMG Cassandra is being weird.

OMG I am disturbed.









AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



KHALISAH IS WEIRDER.










Cass said that.




Okay. I think I lost my mood to blog.
Heh.
I shall blog about philosophical musings and religion in my next post.
:)
I like Uztaz Zulkeflee. :) He's the guy whom my Dad learnt from before he converted.
I shall blog about him nexttt.


Time for Oreos!

Labels: Elle, HELLO, Insanity, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Questionable, Random Mandoms, The Queen, Weird Shiz

Strangely, I feel so at peace now!


Hahahaha


I've had dinner.
I'm chatting with Jwong.

I don't know why I'm in such a good mood. Well not really good mood. Just feel so... serene.


cookies starbucks movies stolen kisses long talks cuddles bedtime stories tshirts to breathe your scent in deep reminiscence early morning naps nature walks breakfast sets jokes laughter endless staring tickles teasing I don't walk right not like I used to there's a jump in my step as I rush to see you I could be happy here as long as you're near to me as long as you're close to me now that I'm alright as I'm trying I can help you out just to keep things right I'll be what you need goodbye apathy so goodbye apathy


I think.
I shall read a book :)

Labels: Elle, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Questionable, Random Mandoms, The Queen, Weird Shiz

I know it's a Wednesday but I really have no mood to blog.


Until now! haha!


So, anyway, on Monday, I woke up reeeeaaall early to go all the way down to Hokes' place. I had breakfast with him and his parents, of which they paid for my meal (how nice! I must remember to pay hokes back) They then drove me down to the SAF jetty thingy where we're to take a ferry to Tekong!

And his parents are sooo awesome, they gave me a coupon to join them!


SO, I went onboard the ferry, we saw Hokes' waterpolo friend WHO ALSO LOOKS HILARIOUS BALD hahahahaha seriously xD

We arrived on Pulau Tekong and we gotta split up so Hokes and the other boys had to settle administrative issues (like uniform sizes and bunk rooms and all that jazz) while me and Hokes' parents were given a tour around Tekong.

I was kinda afraid to be left alone with his parents, caz I've never been alone with them before, but my worries were unfounded caz they were awfully nice and I feel surprisingly comfortable with them. We boarded the bus, and this army dude starting talking and he kept assuring us that our sons will be fine and the facilities are awesome and they will be comfortable and even more safe here under the awesome supervision of the army dudes ah whatever. I know you're gonna give poor Hokes hell. hahahaha IT'S OKAY. HE WILL LEARN HOW TO BE A MAN. suuuuure hahaha stupid.


We saw the bunks and the canteen and the training grounds and it really looks like a school. It looks like Crescent HAHA the colours are like beigey like in crescent. Now I have the impression that army is like a more horrible version of OBS with shitty instructors and you wake up at 4.30 am every day.

The food there is supposedly better today since the family is here, but it's still below average tasting. I can't imagine the food when we're not there. I bet it taste shitty hehehe TOO BAD. Hokes, you have to learn to stop being picky. Please don't lose weight. Sigh, I like you just the way you are now.

We went to the auditorium and sat in comfy seats and air-condition. Listened to the most boring speech in the world about how awesome army is and what they're gonna do and their purpose and whatnots I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER IT NOW maybe that's their real intention hahaha.

Then they had to take the oath.

Which is FREAKING FUNNY I LAUGHED OUT LOUD.



dude in-charge: Repeat after me. 'I'.

boys: I.

dude in-charge: 'NRIC number'

boys: (verbal vomit. everyone says their IC number at the same time hahahahaha)

dude in-charge: 'name'.

boys: (more verbal vomit hahahahahahaha)

dude in-charge: 'will swear to protect bla bla bla'

boys: will swear to protect blabblabla


Hahahahahaha


So we had a final lunch with the boys before they had to line up and march to their bunks and I gave Hokes a final goodbye kiss and hug sighhh.



Hokes: Mee, Pa, take care of yourselves k? (turns to me) You take care of yourself too k?

Mamee and Pa: Mmm.(nods)

Hokes: Mee, take care of her for me k?

Mamee: NO. I THROW HER AWAY.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Pa:

Hokes:

Mamee: Of course I take care of her lah! Aiyo. Then what? I throw her away ah?

Me: HAHAHAAHHAHAA

Pa:

Hokes:

Mamee: You ah.

Hokes: Okok you take care of youself too k? Bye bye!



Lmao seriously, I can make a comedy out of the conversations I hear.


His parents are seriously adorable, I feel like they're my own parents really. Pa was always all today very hot, must drink more water and so I'd drink water from the bottle. And Mee (Hokes calls his parents Pa and Mee. Mee as in from Mummy. you know. ah whatevs hahaha) would call me young lady at first, telling me to be careful and watch my step when we're boarding/alighting the ferry or bus or when we're walking down the stairs. Then she took to calling me dear and asked me if there's any food I wanna get, joking with me about army dudes hahaha she once thought that this army dude fully uniformed with green and black face paint and all was a statue! and she almost poked his face AHAHAHAAH and then she started laughing to herself when she realised it was a real man lmao didn't I say they were adorable?

While Mee was away talking to the whoever it is in charge of Hokes' company, I sat down in the canteen with Pa and we constantly had funny conversations. (I found them funny and cute actually) Pa would ask me about my school and course and universities and what Hokes applied to, and it would lead to me asking him about Hokes' brothers. We talked about PK and SL (the brothers) and what course PK was in and how I'm in the same year as his cousin and seeing as we're all from NP too.

Then during the talk about army equipment and uniform, Pa asked me if I've ever been on the Tekong tour and asked me if I had a brother and I said yeah but he's younger and Pa would tell me how my bro would go through this too and how good it is for him but we ended up talking about SL(the first brother) in army previously and how PK is going into army soon (the second brother) I don't think I've ever heard his Dad talked so much before, he's always a quiet looking man hahahaha.
Maybe I ask too many questions? Or he likes talking about his sons. HE'S ADORABLE DID I MENTION THAT? hahahaha omg i'm so weird.



After hokes left, in the ferry on the way back to Sg, Mee offered me some sour preserved peaches and they're yummy. All of us were so tired, walking around Tekong and IT WAS SO HOT. Blardy.


We walked back to the car, me chatting with Mee abit about fishing and then they drove me to Habourfront MRT station.

I was sleepy in the car so I stoned alot looking out the window, generally missing Hokes to bits.

Then, I overheard this really funny conversation between his parents. It's in English mixed with dialect and Mandarin. But they were mostly speaking in dialect or smth. Or maybe it's justt Mandarin but my ear got problem hahaha.


Mee: (was talking about PK for awhile. PK couldnt make it today. was relief teaching) You know, PK almost make one of his students cry you know?

Pa: Hmm.

Mee: Tsk that PK ah. At least he can control his students. Got discipline. Sumore he very big-sized.

Pa:

Mee: Wah... Song Loo cannot man. He sure cannot one.

Pa:

Mee: But PK can la. If Hoe Khoon... Aiya Hoe Khoon ah. Cannot make it lah. Hoe Khoon will go and play with the kids already.


HAHAHAHAHAHA
OMG I found that so hilarious I was grinning in the backseat hahahaha.



So they dropped me off outside Vivo and I thanked them and promised to drop by their shop soon to pass them something (HEHE DONT TELL YOU WHAT) And I slept in the train all the way home.


I miss you chubby bunny! I've been spamming him with smses all day so he can read them all at night, I know he'll be too tired to call and talk to me or it would be lights out and he cant call caz if the sarge walking around. So sms spam is nice :)
I'm an awesome girlfriend hahaha riiiight. On the ferry, before he left for army, I gave him my whistle necklace thingy. It's a small wooden less-than-an-inch-long rectangular whistle with black and silver design and my name on it. I had it made last year. It has a thick and long black string around and Hokes wanted it, so I gave it to him to keep him company in army :)

I also gave him my ugly alumni card with my face on it, caz he wanted a picture of me and I forgot to print one. We didnt think of it earlier :( Hokes gave me his blue ezlink card with his retarded sec 1 face on it HAHAHAHA the exact same hairstyle he has now. awwwwww :)


Mee thinks his botak hairstyle now is adorable, so geram you know, he looks like when he was younger last time hahahaha.



Before he left, Hokes also gave me the t-shirt he wore the night before. It has his scent on it :) And I keep breathing in the scent sighh, he smells good :) But the scent is fadingggg :(



I miss you.


-17788
I'm not used to this.

Labels: Brother, Chat Log, Elle, Of Hokums and Honeystars, The Queen, Weird Shiz

I know I haven't been blogging. I'm sorry, I've been real busy with FYP and Hokes is going into army ON MONDAY SO I WILL SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH HIM, and yes I will ditch all of you for more time with Honeystar.

I've got tonnes of things to blog about so..

too bad I guess.




-17629
HAHAHAHAHA WATCH THIS.

Labels: Elle, Emo Nemo, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Questionable, Random Mandoms, School, The Queen, Videos, Weird Shiz

Okay, I've decided to move my personal issues away from this blog :) This blog shall be a happier one :)




-17425
I may create another blog if I can be bothered. ask me.

Labels: Elle, Emo Nemo, Hissy Fit, Insanity, Questionable, Random Mandoms, The Queen, Weird Shiz

I know I know.

I'm supposed to be on hiatus BUT WHATEVER.



I think I just screwed up my life even more with the BCHEM paper. Ah shucks. Ah. Shucks. Please kill me.


Anyway a bazillion things has happened, alot of which I don't wanna talk about less I go crazy again but yes.
I've been weird AGAIN, but hey, I'm improving. I think I must have been frustrating a whole bunch of people with my low self-esteem so okok, I'll.. well. Dammit, I'm so sorry but I set damn high standards for myself and I'm not fulfilling them so..


:(


A teensy bit of juicy gossip.
I've been seeing a certain someone.
And that certain someone knows the existence of this blog.
And I kinda feel weird. Lmao. Shuddup. We'll see.


Studying is not working out for me, I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT L4D I'm sorry, this is how random my train of thought is. But shuddup, I never got to touch the damned game till recently and dammit I suck hahahaha frikken noob BUT I so wanna play it until I'm not as noob as I so am now xD

Joshua Wong has left for Aus and I HATE HIM SO, hahaha but I got him, in my opinion, the most apt and awesome birthday/ farewell-see-you-in-a-coupla-years gift. I'm sure he loves it too :D


Recently, I attempted to study at Lido, saw Sam Power, had an awkward conversation, bid farewell, had Starbucks' Frapp just to realise a white guy was staring at me. He walked past several times, and as we made eye contact, he'd give a small smile. So I returned the smile, a small and almost unnoticeable one and carried on with my own nonsense, memorizing the structures of 20 amino acids.

Then, Weird White Guy (WWG) spoke to me. He was standing a little behind me with his arms crossed.


"I realized a lot of Singaporeans like to study in cafes. Why's that?"

"Umm, I don't know. I like Starbucks. Starbucks makes me happy."

"But wouldn't it be better to study at home?"

"I can't study at home, it's more distracting."

"Isn't studying here more distracting? The noise and all?" he gestures to the screen playing movie trailers softly behind me.

"Umm, well, home's my comfort zone, so I can't be in my comfort zone. My bed is really distracting, I'd fall asleep and eat and walk around doing nothing."

"Your what?"

"My bed."

"Oh your bed."

(Is my bloody accent that hard to understand?)

Then, realising that the conversation isn't gonna end anytime soon, and that it's kinda weird talking to him while I'm sitting down and looking up to him looming over me, I gave him a fork in the road.

"Would you like to have a seat?"

"Oh sure."


And WWG sat down across me.
You know, he really should've said something like awww nah, I was just passing by. I'll not bother you now, good luck with your studies! But no. So he started chatting with me in the weirdest white guy accent. It was definitely not American nor British nor Australian nor Irish. Because I can recognise those accents somewhat.


So okay. He started telling me how he can't do Chemistry, how he stole a test paper and sold it for fifty bucks, how he took drugs, meth in fact, to stay up all night several days consecutively to study.

And all I could come up with as a response was,"Well, Starbucks kinda keeps me awake."

We talked about how weird Singapore's education system is, and he wanted me to show him what I'm studying so I took out my 20 amino acid structures and gave it to him. He stares at it.

While chatting with him, I was texting Hokes and my last text msg to Hokes was "There's a weird white guy talking to me now. Ah." Or something along those lines. And I was feeling quite awkward. Am I supposed to continue studying? Caz that would be kinda rude. And chatting with him would just prove his point about studying at cafes are more distracting because of white guys like him.
Lmao. He said that I swear, and he gave me a very amused smile.

I grinned and shrugged.


Dammit lah.
Hahahahaha.


AND THEN MY HERO CAME, yayyy, Hokes the idiot, surprised me. I thought he was still at home but no! He secretly came down without telling to surprise me, which he kinda failed caz I saw him and he wasn't able to come up behind me and shock me to death or something.

So I went all," EH HIIIII! What are you doing here?!"

And Hokes noticed me and grinned and sat beside me.

WWG suddenly had a change in attitude, he completely ignored me, chatted to Hokes about ipods, and then left without saying goodbye to me.
Asshole.


I hope you can only find Creative stores around you rude bugger! I hope you never find the Apple store! NEVAH!

Lmao, but I was very glad to see Hokes. And that sweet little thing started helping memorise BCHEM and even wrote for me lists of things I should remember, WHEN I SHOULD BE THE ONE WRITING THOSE DOWN lmao, awwww.

(I wonder if you've guessed it yet)


He's been doing this alot, that scheming boy, lying to me that he's still at home, then turn up unannounced at macs yesterday where I was having lunch with the usual gang. We then went to a LAN shop and played L4D and finished the entire thing, it was fun, hilarious, and dammit, best fwen was better than me!

Then Best Fwen's BF came along, and all four of us were playing and omg sho fun.
We had dinner, and ah, it felt like a, ah. Should I just say it?
Ah.
So many things has happened.
Man.
This blog is so outdated.

ok...

it's been like this.

met hokes at cny.
crashed ac orientation.
hokes asked me out on vday, that bodoh.
i rejected M who also asked me out on vday, and i think M is an idiot(I find some people very immature even though they're so old).
i spend some time with hokes.
i went out with bff to play with horses AND THEY ARE SHO BEAUTIFULL
i smelt like hay.
i changed and went on a double date with bff and her bf and me with hokes.
watched slumdog millionaire.
damn sick parts, ouchies my eyes.
but good movie.
i agree with bff that double dates are gay.
but hey, try new things lorz.
i met up with jwong to pass him his present.
jwong gave hokes immunity to my sluttiness.
damn you.
and recently, after L4D-ing with best fwen and her bf and hokes,
we went to dinner and it felt like a second double date.
lmao-ness.


I'm so glad I don't update my blog too often. Having a small circle of readers is so my cup of tea. So yesza! Now you know. And well, I don't know what to do about it, or how's this gonna turn out, but I'm doing my best, I'm being better,I have my weirdity and even though I threw him a whole lot of shit about me, I don't know what's wrong with him, What's wrong with you, Hokes?! Are you blind?! Maybe he's only seen me being my weird self that he can't tell when I'm normal and when I'm not lmao lmao lmao ness.

I miss ryan like crazy I haven't been talking to him much and Jacob too.
But ah.
Sigh.



Okok, now that all's updated, I'm gonna study. Again.



-16421
never lose your childish innocence
-Under The Tuscan Sun

Labels: Chat Log, Elle, Insanity, Jacob, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz