Holy turds I haven't been updating my blog in ages. Haven't talked to Ryan and Jacob in ages too. Awww the spaces between us are wider! Even I've been neglecting Hokes (sorry dear) just get caught up in things and well it's just taxing to finish everything in the weekdays just so I can have the weekends untouched and for Hokes and only Hokes. I really do love spending the entire day uninterrupted with him :)

So really, I would prefer anything else to just be slot on a weekday tyvm :)

Time flies and gosh it's 2 weeks to common tests. SHITS. Serious lack of time now. It seems I cannot decide whether I want to be alone in school or not. People (or person in fact) have been sticking to me in lectures and leeching off my reputation and I DON'T LIKE. I hate being used but then again, work needs to be done and I need help, so I cannot be a loner as much as I would like to be.

WAI DONT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?


So okay, everyone else is being cooperative (goooood gooooood very gooooooood!!!) they established a nice "hi-bye" relationship with me, which I like caz I don't really wanna "talk and have fun" with you in lectures. I actually wanna listen and be in my own little world. SO IT'S GOOD! Thank you rest-of-the-world! But this particular person keeps sms-ing me whether I'll be going for lectures and basically stalking me because he wants to sit with me in lectures so he won't look like a loser. I RESENT THAT HELLO. Firstly, your reputation is bad. Nobody likes you and you sticking with me? It makes people think that the only friends I have, is you. And you like that because my reputation is well, I'm not popular, but people certainly know me. so... NO, you aint rolling with me boy.

But then again, I don't mind actually, I mean I'll be your friend, if you are a person worth being friends with, I would. But since you are just using my reputation? I'm gonna play your game. AINT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN BITCH. So, from being indifferent to my reputation, since you do care, I'm gonna care and make sure you don't get what you want (and destroy my rep at the same time)

Plus, you are disgusting. Stop staring at my boobs! SPEAK TO THE FACE! the fat face but face nonetheless!

Besides all of that, this particular person is being less repulsive (if that is even possible) this year, he's been reading psychology/self-help books AND NOT UNDERSTANDING IT because his English sucks but have been discussing it with me (and I like this kinda stuff) so I'll explain them to him. I. Am. Such. A. Nice. Person.
Lmao, and no I'm not being conceited. I'm trying to make myself believe in that so that I'll actually turn out to be a nice person! Get it? Hahhaahaha.


My mum's friends are so annoying and wonderful and annoying AND NOT FAIR they keep buying her stuff, like bags and clothes and it's so wtf-ing. I do not understand the concept of it all(?????) but well this is how the dice rolled for her so okay. One of her friends wanted to give her a Guess bag (FOR GOD'S SAKE GIVE MEEEE) and told her if she didn't like it, she can give it to me! (PLEASE HATE IT PLEASEEE) hahahaha I guess God is compensating her for having such a horrid daughter. Sorry mum. But it is afterall my life. But hey! I'm doing my best to make you happy!

Mum has like what? 5 bags given as gifts from her friends? and countless clothes and scarves. RAWR. Sorry, I don't have sincere friends that would give me gifts because they have too much money and because they love me. The friends who do love me mostly dont have too much money.

I'm still wondering what I'm supposed to do with 21.
Oh if you don't know what 21 is. Here you go.


Mission name: 21
Objectives: Live your life.


So basically at 21, I'm gonna stop letting mum force me to do things. Of course I want to be an air stewardess but... I don't see it happening without mum disowning me. Sigh... what a depressing topic.
Anyway! basically my plan is that at 21, I'll begin this transition where I'll do things without asking her permission, but merely informing her in advance what I'm gonna do.


WHICH IS BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS BTW PPL! I'm not a prisoner afterall! So I'll begin like going out as and when I like. (I predict a huge fight will explode from this) But I will persevere and CONDITION her to get used to me LIVING MY LIFE. I will stay over at people's house as and when I want to (don't worry, I respect my parents enough to make sure they're either family or close girlfriends) I will keep my curfew at 12 midnight. And I will go overseas with my friends and no one can stop me. NO ONE. OKAY?

I want to live, really live before I'm tied down with responsibilities like a stable job and a family (like children and all that) I lived my life for you all these while! It's time to live for ME. I'm so sorry that our ideals clash and our lifestyles are vastly different but it doesn't give you any right to puppet me!


yay!
I will go through with this, I want this so bad and I love my parents (grudgingly) I do, so I want them to be happy but I MUST TEACH THEM TO BE HAPPY WITH ME. With the real me...



Anyway, CHRISTMAS IS AROUND THE CORNERRRRR!!! So exciting, but yeah yeah I know as a Muslim you're not supposed to celebrate this stuffs. Aww. But I don't believe in it doesn't mean I can't enjoy the festive feel, right..? I'm not doing traditional stuffs, I don't give presents and eat turkey and all that jazz so it's alright right?
TOTALLY LOVEEEE the decoration and lights and it feels so magical and fantasy like ooooohhh, the atmosphere is nais. :D but man life is such a bitch how they celebrate christmas and chinese new year on a much grander scale. DAMN YOUS. so unfair! If Deepavali is the festival of lights YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE LIGHTS EVERYWHERE THAN CHRISTMAS!!! I can totally think up a good mood and atmosphere for Deepavali. And Hari Raya? Go traditional! DAMNNN we have such good cultures STOP WESTERNIZING IT'S SO GAY AND WANNABE-ISH so embarrassing!

But well Singapore is LIKE THAT, damn retarded I still can't make up my mind whether to migrate or not, I love the country but the people? DAMNNNN. Hahaha

Wow, my ideal Christmas would be bright beautiful decorations, especially a giant christmas tree, warm fireplace AND IT WILL BE SNOWING OUTSIDE HOW MAGICALLL IT MAKES YOU WANNA BELIEVE IN SANTAAAAA but santa doesnt exist so no I don't believe in santa, nor christmas DOESNT MAKE IT ANYLESS EXCITING!

It's about setting the mood! Man, maybe I should be an events planner! Hahahaha ok maybe not >.>

And ew I'm blabbing too much!



Ughhhh gotta document my life down, words are so important to me. It can make or break a legend, words live forever if there is someone to read it! (and understand it) so despite having a life and being busy, I shall make an effort to pen down my thoughts on a more regular basis. Till next time! Be nice!

Labels: Elle, HELLO, Insanity, Mum, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, Religion, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

ooh. life is actually.

well.

it's actually the same.


I think I'm learning to deal with it better? I've been dealing with my parents SUPERBLY. and I've learnt how to control my temper with them. HO HO I am so proud of myself. I try not to think about how depressing it is too much. Sigh, 21. When I'm 21 I'll deal with it again. I AM STILL LIKE SO AWESOME.


I actually really want to be an air stewardess. HAHA. It's kinda like, my childhood dream. I mean maybe just work and travel for 2 years. Wow. See the world before I settle down. Wow. That will never happen. Wow. My mum will ask "WHERE'S YOUR TUDUNG?"

Mampos. Wow.



I am studying very diligently this sem :) WEEEEE, this time a 4.0 is very possible, IF SOMEBODY HUH, there's a SOMEBODY who is in all of my groups and is EXTREMELY IRRITATING, as if the drama last year wasn't enough. You better not be leeching off me and refuse to share your answer with me okay? DISGUSTING. I hate people, I hate working with people, I hate group work and projects RAWWWRRR but surprisingly people think I'm a people person because of my extroverted personality. HAHA little do they know HOW BITCHYYYYY I AMM.



WHICH, I am trying to tone down :( I mean really, I don't want to be like that but some people are just begging for it, seriously. So if everyone would just do me a favour and leave me alone, I LIKEEEEEE being alone! omg such a drastic change, but when I need to do work or study or some serious shit, I need solitude. I focus better. Sigh, I'm too easily distracted.
(HAHA after typing out this post half way i went on to facebook lololol okok I'm back)



I am also trying to lose weight, or rather decrease my appetite because eversince Hokes came into my life, he turned me into a pig. I also want to tone my body because Hokes the beloved likes playing with my flab and oh god the thunder thighs. non-stop suaning there :(
haha but jwong says that weight gain is a sign of a healthy relationship.
OKAAAY I guess that's a good thing but I have no desire to end up being a fat flabby walrus, NAH UH, so I shall start training for my napfa too :)

I need more time to do things caz I feel like doing so many things!




Went to Hokes' POP where he'll get a sexy blue beret, haha I have to say his cousin seriously keep cracking me up. lmao siao. and Hokes looks adorable and HOKES PAPA IS SO FUNNY AHAHAHAHHA he was the first to spot Hokes in the parade square (AWWW PAPA!) and then when he tried to take a picture of hokes, HE ZOOMED IN AND TOOK SOMEBODY ELSE'S FACE HAHAHHA HOKES PAPA HOW CAN YOU RECOGNISE YOUR SON FROM FAR AND NOT IN CLOSE UP ZOOOOMED BAHAHAHA OMG SHO KEWT I CANNOT TAHAN.


omg seriously Hokes' family is sho funny through out the whole thing keep laughing, and omg we kept dissing the place too ahahaha aiyo so cute.




:)
I will always try to be my best :)

Labels: Elle, Insanity, Morning Madness, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, School, The Queen

I do not know what I'm doing on blogger when I should be sleeping nao nao nao. God I am exhausted. I am so exhausted. I am so exhausted from being exhausted.
Nom nom nom.


Damn FYP my holiday is flying flying flying past. Here I am rushing my work and it's the holidays! I do not even feel the holiday mood. I am working like the devil with a sense of purpose, drive and determination, if I had exams now I would ace it caz I would have the mood to study and memorise every damn thing. No wait, if I had exams now I would die caz I'd be swamped- no, severely overworked.

And here I thought I could sleep in till 1pm but nooo I'm waking up early everyday to go to school, then rush down to tutor my PSLE kids, and rush down many times per week because PSLE IS NEXT WEEK FAAAART FART FART I really hope hope hope my kid'll do well. Sighhhh :( Then my Sec 1 kid's exam is a coupla weeks after PSLE so the stress isn't gonna end anytime soon.


I have a full day ahead of me tmr and yet I wish with all my might that Hokes won't feel too bummed in army. I mean I know army is supposed to toughen you up and all, but listening to it? Ugh, I wouldn't survive in army. Not physically, mentally. Seriously, I would like to sue the administration and revamp the entire thing. I am very sure, with a more EFFICIENT administration, everything can be done and learnt within 10 months. or less. looking at the way they're handling things now. useless bums.


And no, I'm not being anal STFU I'm just a perfectionist about certain things. And knowing that people are being unproductive eats me inside out because I have a thing against wasting life. Life is short, I myself don't have enough time to do everything I want to, accomplish everything I want to, and watching 2 years of lameness kinda ticks me haha.


Cheer up, chubby bunny! Are you still chubby? :D



On a happier note, I am SO DAMN CONTENTED because I am not moody. My god, you just have to be in my shoes when I'm PMSing, you'd feel like shit. Like literally shit. Like you just wanna run roll lie on the ground, kick slap jump, shake shake shake your headddddd and get rid of the shitty feeling. You feel restless and depressed and hate every god damn thing for being so so stupid lame.


I'm quite sad that my PMSes are so severe. I fear they might take over my life. They could even possibly be an alternate personality. Wowzers.
But it feels kinda good now because I'm feeling healthy stress not brain eating stress. I'm feeling the sense of urgency and worry but I'm not stressed to the point I'm going OH ^%%$# oh $@$%# letmedienowplease and I'm coping pretty fine. I'm actually happy. I'm happy eventhough army is eating into my Saturdays with Hokes, I'm okay with it, though poor dear kinda bummed abt it. *hugs*
I'm happy eventhough bird poop on my arm, eventhough FYP and tuition is worrying me endlessly, eventhough I hate some people, eventhough my parents are acting up (BUT I AM DEALING WITH IT WONDERFULLY OMG SURPRISINGLY) eventhough I am in debt, so badly in debt, I'm happy eventhough I don't smile.



I wish people would stop misunderstanding each other. I'm too damn tired to explain myself properly all the damn time, and people shouldn't have to explain themselves all the time so if you'd judge a little less, this post wouldnt mean anything much. What I do wouldn't mean anything much. sometimes people just dont know how to give other people a break and feel the need to intrude and impose your views on everyone or rather share your witty comments with the world caz yeah you're so smart wow
*rolls eyes*
and no, no one actually did this to me, it's just something I observed. if you thought otherwise, you should mind your own beeswax and obviously have been judging and forming impressions and analyzing a little too much.

Also, I'm too tired to smile. But I've been enjoying myself. In a I-wanna-close-my-eyes-and-lean-back-WITHOUTSMILING kinda enjoy myself. Leave me alone!



Bonne Mama jams are so damn expensive but so damn delicious.

Labels: Elle, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, School, The Queen

Lady Gaga's Paparazzi is suddenly speaking to me in volumes. Hahaha I watched her music video and loved it. She's so weird. Recently watched an interview and the interviewer asked her about her love life. She shooked her head and went," Nope. No nah-uh." and when he tried to probe deeper, she looked around and said," Can we just stick to my music? Please?"

Hahaha THANK YOU thank for being so painfully honest. Even though it calls for awkward situations but like her, I've also learned from life, screw awkward situations. Even if I am put in one, no one will make me feel awkward without my consent!

Had a conversation about this with Cass Lee recently and we regret holding back in our lives. Now we say what we mean and mean what we say and god I feel liberated. It feels good to not care what people think about you. And more often than not, being honest equals less complications which is just the way I like it.


I mean look. It's true now I'm all antisocial not hanging out with people and I deliberately keep to myself and don't indulge in small talk to "make friends" and it's perfectly alright.

:)

I'm not gonna pretend I know you very well. I'm not gonna pretend I know many people and are close to many people. I'm not gonna pretend I'm popular and well loved.
I KNOW I'm not such a hideous person that everyone hates me. I KNOW I get along fine with alot of people. I KNOW people might get irritated with me and it's okay.

I mean, this image thing is getting too out of hand. It's like high school. All this politics and sticking with friends and pretending you're close to someone and what what what whaaaaat?

Hahahaha. If everyone hated me right now I think I would embrace it with open arms caz I love myself so much right now, dammit ryan, your influence is too strong! Ryan is a narcissist by the way :)


The people I love should know by now I love yous even though I don't consistently express it. I'm shy like that. The people I'm not close to, or just casual friends with, I'm perfectly fine with you too.

I think everyone actually appreciates me being solo in lab because I KNOW you don't really wanna talk to me. You, like me, just wanna do your FYP in routined peace and it actually feels good. You don't have to crack your heads to think of what to say in a feeble attempt at small talks. GOD I AM SO CONSIDERATE EVERYONE LOVE ME NOW.

HAHAHAHA EW I AM SO UP MYSELF EW RYAN EW EW EEEEEEEEEWWW this is your doing :D


I feel like I'm less dependant on friends now. I've become more introverted. Somehow friends became such a shallow word. I cannot refer to anyone I know as friends, because to me, a friend is... well a friend. Like really you've been a true friend kinda friend. But it feels kinda cold to call you an acquaintance haha but you know what I mean. I finally understood my 3rd aunt too. I don't need friends actually. It's not a need. I mean, many people can be your "friend". Your cousin can be your friend. Your relatives, siblings anyone in your family can be a friend. So... friends. Friends come and go and some people are good ones and some suck at being friends.

I think it's the thought that counts? If you look carefully in your life, alot of your friends actually take advantage of you. You may feel like that person is so important to you but they may not feel the same way back. I used to love my friends to death. Everyone whether we're close or not. I appreciate them. Now I don't. Because they don't. So when you need me, I'll be there for you, it's the most human thing to do. But if I lose you? I can live with it.

It's not that I don't cherish friendship anymore. I do. And I will put in effort to maintain all my (real) friendships. It's just that I have come to terms with and accept that there is a possibility where the day comes when we're no longer friends and I'm able to move on and live with it. Like someone once told me, Friends come and go. It doesn't mean I don't give a rat's ass about friendships anymore you know? There's a difference. I hope none of you will misunderstand and I hope it won't change the state of our current friendship.

And also, this introverted-don't-talk-to-people thing? It's a phase or mood or whatever name you'd like to give it. It'll pass and suddenly I feel like partying and being a social butterfly again. Actually, if you put me in a situation where I HAVE to socialise, I think I'd still do a decent job at it. It's just that given a choice, I like to do my work in peace :D And not wander around, sit next to a random and ask how's your FYP going along. Or ask people to have dinner with me caz I'm bored or something like that that I used to do.


Haha I see my posts have been rather long and wordy. It's a mood really (:

Labels: Elle, fweedom, Music, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

I just want to eat something. Or sleep.


But I can't caz I gotta wait till 12 midnight to take my meds.



Rawr?


Okay I guess since I haven't been blogging, I should finish this post proper. Well see, the reason I haven't been blogging is because I don't feel the need to. Amazing isn't it? I always thought it was an outlet, one of the more essential outlets in my life because if I don't blow off steam here, I'd morph into one of the most crazy bitch this planet has ever seen.

I guess I'm changing again? Haha I don't come online often, and when I do I don't feel like talking to anyone. And if I've got something on my chest I need to vomit out, there's Hokes who's perpetually asking me regarding my well-being so how not to tell the lovely boy? Well, actually I do enjoy talking to him, I don't know how he puts up with me, really I don't because while I was being such a bitch, I even annoyed myself.

I'm lucky :D

Let's see, today started off crappy. First thing in the morning a bird shat on my arm. It was warm. Awesome. Warm white poop dripping down my right arm and people around were sniggering and holding their laughter. GLAAAAD I MADE YOUR DAAAAY.

So I had to wipe it off with paper since I didn't bring any tissue, and walked all the way to the train station's toilet before I can wash my arm.
Oh god talk about gross.


What a bad mannered bird. You shouldn't poop so inconsiderately. Look at hamsters, they know how to poop in a corner. You wouldn't like someone pooping on you would you?



On a less disgusting note, recently went over to Hoke's godsis's place. Apparently, his family has alot of these family gatherings which I find very nice and wish my family had more of these. I think we used to but my parents kinda screwed relations in my family. Ah well. Maybe it was me. I don't know. I love all of you, you know? Sigh. Even though I don't know how to express it properly.

ANYWAYS, Hokes and his bros and cousins went to the room to play Wii and omg it was hilarious. I've never laughed to hard in ages. :D I was afraid to intrude on family time, you know how people tend to be more comfortable with their own family rather than outsiders but I learned from life that if you try, they'll try too and I think everyone got along just fine :D

The most epic Wii moment was when we were playing this mini game called B.R.U.S.H. by some bunny game and you're supposed to move the controller according to the actions on screen.

Like you move up and down when it's a toothbrush to brush your teeth.
Left and right for a razor to shave your chin.


EPIC MOMENT: I moved up and down when I saw a razor (accident! I swear!) and my bunny started razoring his teeeth hahahahahaha with sparks flying hahahaha omg I swear I laughed so hard I couldn't play the rest of the game properly xD


Went to Island Creamery for dessert and MMMMMMM YUMMEHZ. I talked more to Hokes' brothers more in a day than I have in the entire 6 months I've known them. And they seriously crack me up.

SAW CASS NGGGGG ♥ who was with her classmates, gave her a hug but left caz the family split into 2 groups, adult and kids and kids corner were at MacDs where Hokes' 2nd bro was feasting. Conversations includes Mac and Microsoft debate which is something I have no stand on at the moment.

(I can't judge caz I've never used a Mac- and you need to be a regular user before you can properly judge)

Oh oh and Hokes' nieces are uber adorableeeee. I kept stealing them and carrying the younger one (I seriously had to control myself from raining her with hugs and kisses) the older one seems friendly with me now, she constantly try to get my attention WHICH I LOVE caz she always ignore me the previous times I've seen her.

Hahahaha I like his family alrdy. I need to thank so many of them I'm losing count. They were awfully nice and welcoming and awwww :')



Oh did I mention we tried to cook pasta for lunch that day? And kinda failed caz it tasted weird and funny but still alright, we finished up our meal and Hokes' 2nd bro went for seconds HAHA yeah his bro ate our cooking hahahahahaha epicccc.


:) Wii is officially the coolest thing on earth according to me. :D I'm so gonna save up for one in future :D:D And omg can someone please please please buy me Season 1-6 of Grey's Anatomy so I can sit and eat chips and go on a Grey's marathon. That would be awesome shit.


I MISS HOKES the dodo is in armyyyy and I won't see him till Sundayyyy gaaaaayyy. Ryan has been keeping me company with random heartwarming short emails and texts and our occasional go-crazy-and-retardedly-random conversations at night when I actually bother coming online. Other than that, Hokes and seeing Cass Lee for FYP, that's the only human connection I get apart from my family.


Told you I'm antisocial.
I'm pretty much alone these days, but I'm not lonely. I kinda like it. I was lonely once. It was at night and I was emo (as usual, I'm always emo at night) but Ry cheered me up :) That was also when I was PMS-ing.

I'm actually quite contented with life, despite irritating Singaporeans, FYP, tutoring and stuffs that has kept me from enjoying my hols. But yeah, life is boring, slow, monotonous, routine-d and uneventful save for random things like Hokes' family gathering, I'm not worrying.

I think I've accepted that I screwed up my life and now the only thing you can do is make the best of it. And I am, and enjoying it too. I hope this feeling lasts caz the next time I PMS I'm gonna ruin it all and feel like shit again.

And wow. This is a pretty long post. Not bad.
:)

Labels: Babies, DVD, Elle, Insanity, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

Welcome to the Esplanade. I like the Esplanade. Alot. It's so artsy fartsy. I like the library in there too. It's a conducive place to study in. I study there on my own. Now that you know where I study, please don't go there because I hate people.


Went there recently to study and Jtan was so niceeeee. Jtan just came back from Hongkong and has no exams BUT STILL he's so nice he actually offered to accompany me while I mug, for motivation and to poke me when I'm being lazy. Isn't Jtan just the sweetest? I'm praising him now, so his head will swell and he won't fit through the door. Haha! You're stuck now, hongky boy! If it weren't for him, I would've been to lazy to get out and probably not studying productively at home. Yayyy.


After studying from 11am to about 4plus pm, We went to the roof terrace thingy thing thing to chill out, or rather thaw, after being frozen in the library. And I took that picture! Isn't it niceeee? I'm trying to be artsy fartsy! Don't mock me okay, I know I'm a noob leave me beeeeee!

I took other pictures too. Which left Jtan very amused caz I was all over the place and letting mozzies feast on my arms too.







Considering the camera is only 3 megapix, like the camera in my phone (EEESH!) I think I like the pictures I took. I want to put Jtan's face up here but, we both saw his double chin hahahaha I shall put up a more flattering one next time :D


Jtan! I owe you Starbucks! Don't forget :)



Elle

Labels: Elle, fweedom, Photo Log, School, The Queen

You're a stupid lecturer!
OMG I hate studying for INAC.


Firstly, the questions that come out are stupid, redundant, unimportant yet given SUCH A HIGH WEIGHTAGE OF MARKS FART. FART FART FART.

Secondly, in your notes, you listed 4 and 5 errors for 2 different methods respectively. At the end of your notes, your revision question was;

List 6 errors involved in the preparation of volumetric solutions by each of these methods:
a)The Direct method
b)The serial dilution method

WTF YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT DIRECT METHOD. wtf is a direct method? The 2 methods previously mentioned in your notes is "Errors involved in preparing stock solution" and "Errors involved in dilution" (AND this is after I corrected your English)

I AM GOING TO ASSUME that "Errors involved in preparing stock solution" is the DIRECT FARTING METHOD you were talking about.


STILL, you want me to list 6 errors for EACH METHOD? WHEN YOU ONLY GAVE LESS THAN 6 WTF WTF WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? Are you retarded? Did someone stab you in the brain?
OMG HOW CAN YOU EARN SO MUCH MONEY AS A LECTURER WHEN YOU SUCK BALLS.


I am so pissed off studying.
Hopeless.
I HATE polytechnics. YOU HEAR ME? YES. Poly is full of SHITHEADS. Shoudve gone to a JC.


FML.



Angry,
Elle.

Labels: Angry Bombs, Bitch-mode, Elle, Hissy Fit, Insanity, School, The Queen

I'm now lying in bed feeling woozy with a wet towel on my forehead and neck in an attempt to bring down the fever I am currently and unfortunately stuck with. (Go away, flu bug! Go away!)

Ryan thinks I have Swine Flu- CHOY! No one in Singapore has Swine Flu. It takes forever to reach Singapore. Like movies and shows and awesome entertainment things etc etc.

I was helping Cass out for FYP, which is a total ***** really, someone kept changing-

(sorry, medication made me fall asleep so I'm continuing this post at 1.12pm 21 May)

-anyway, as I was saying.

Someone kept changing the RPM and the temperature of our incubator. I'm so sick of censoring myself. I mean, I actually stopped using vulgarities. To the extent that I'm actually shocked when people use the F word. But today, my throbbing brain says Fuck you all, I'm gonna use Fuck all I want because it gives me an immature satisfaction of using an ugly word to describe ugly things.


So as I was saying. I was helping Cass out for FYP. I felt sick in the morning and the feeling was just deteriorating. By INAC, I was completely off.

And LC was unhappy. Because I couldn't help much. Amazing isn't it? To think that I scolded LC last year for not contributing to the project. And now I'm stuck as his lab partner and he is the one now frustrated with me.

Good thing I don't keep grudges for long. As annoying as he may be, I'm actually capable of being normal around him. We talk when we see each other. And I even had lunch with him once! For an entireeee hourrr. zomg. amazing.

Here's the list of irritating things.


#1

LC refuses to cooperate. He gets experiment results, calculates and refuses to share his knowledge. Thankfully, I got my own brains despite the fever so I proceeded to do the questions that I know how to, and attempt to trade answers with him for questions I don't know how to do. Realising that I am actually attempting to contribute, he only shares answers with me but ignores our other lab partner.

Either he's racist, or, he thinks she's damn useless. So, Idk. Anyway, we completed the experiment, and my other lab partner clearly having her worksheet empty because she has no idea what's going on since LC is not sharing anything with her, I helped her anyway. I think LC isn't too happy with that but whatever.


#2

I went over to do FYP and my fever went up. Eventhough it was a relatively warm day, I wore my hoodie over my long sleeved top and still felt freezingly cold. I was shivering in the lab but strangely I could feel heat radiating from my face.

I helped Cass with FYP and regrettably slowly too, but seriously I really couldn't take it, if I had my way, I would've cabbed home already.

An hour later, my fever shot up. I felt so cold, I felt like I was in Antartica. Cass was obviously pissed with me, but I was too delirious to care. I did things slowly with extra effort not to spill things. Because my hands were unsteady. Cass was late for Heroes Seminar, so was I, but I decided I really really couldn't take it.


#3

Cass rushed off to the seminar leaving me to clean up. I really badly wanted to just leave an hour ago. By now, I felt like dying. I carried the four bottles down to the other lab to incubate and the students there kept staring at me as if I got leprosy.

FUCK YOU.

FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO CHANGED THE RPM AND TEMPERATURE. FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU STUPID JUNIORS WHO DONT KNOW SHIT.

I taped the broken handle as an improvisation. And burning thighs from squatting was equally painful as the muscle aches I keep having. My thigh would suddenly hurt, a short sharp pain. Then my calves. Or sometimes my back. Or arms. Tsk.


#4

After I cabbed home, mum scolded me for being sick. See. Sick also get scolded. Wahlao. She said I didn't take care of myself. What rubbish. Nvm. She's just concerned. She then took my temperature. It was 42 degrees celsius. I couldn't move at all in bed. I couldn't open my eyes. And all I remembered was seeing Mama freak out. She rushed to get wet towels and sponged me. One on my forehead. The other under my neck. She gave me panadol and let me sleep. By now it's 5 pm.


#6

I woke up at 9pm. Mum fed me porridge. She told me I had to bathe. To bring down the ridiculously high fever. I realised I couldn't walk so I had to lean on Mama. And at 18 years old. Mama had to bathe me like I'm a baby. how humiliating. I had to sit on a chair in the bathroom while I showered. And the water was so fecking cold. Mama helped me change and put me into bed.


#7

My fever wasn't 40 degress plus anymore but it didnt subside. it remained hovering between 38.9 to 39.9 . I was shivering the entire night. It was so so so cold. I remembered how I feel better when I shiver because it made me slightly warmer. But also hated shivering because any movements hurt my head excruciatingly so. Mama stayed up the entire night to sponge me.


#8

I woke up at 11am. I realised I was in bed since 5pm last night. I needed to see a doctor. I went to Sengkang Polyclinic and doctor gave me tonnes of medicine. He said I just got a very bad case of flu. Gave me a course of antibiotics that I must finish. I hate medicine. And medicine means you have to swallow. My sorethroat was so bad I didn't wanna talk. I didn't wanna sneeze or cough or retch because it was so fucking painful. Doctor gave me lozenges and a gargle for my throat.


#9

Mama received a call regarding a certain someone who is going through a divorce and something happened to that someone that makes me very very angry. I hate people. No wonder my ambition when I was a kid was to be a vet. Animals are so much less retarded sometimes.


#10

I texted Cass earlier in the day to remind her to submit the Genomic Report. I was reminded by LC that the dateline was that day. Cass texts late at night telling me she's out and asks me to submit it. I got online and checked and realised the dateline was at 5pm. I submitted it via email to the lecturer anyway. FML.


#11

For the life of me, I don't understand why but my fever shot up again. Doctor says if it's bacteria and not virus infected flu, the fever would shoot up and down. It would go down because of the Panadol then later go up again.


#12

I began developing this excruciating pain in my head. Everytime I get up from lying down, or stand up from sitting, the entire back of my head would burst into sudden sharp pain. I would stop and just stand there with my hands over my head. Mum and Dad would look worriedly at me. Then I continue walking slowly.


#13

After medication, I slept again till morning. Fever went down to 38. Fluctuate between 38 and 39 so I was occasionally feeling good and bad. Thankfully it's not 40 so in general I was feeling better. Sorethroat was not recovering. Headaches kept coming more often and more painful each time. I am on 6 hourly Panadol. 8 hourly amoxylin + lozenges + cough syrup. I refuse to take the runny nose medicine because I have NO RUNNY NOSE. stupid doctor. Make me pay for something I don't need.


#14

Cass once again is pissed at me for not going to school again. She has to do FYP alone again. Which initially, I was already feeling very bad about it. But everytime she texts, she makes me feel guilty. which I don't appreciate. for the life of me I don't understand how you can be angry at someone who didn't ask to be sick.
And I am genuinely sick right now.

I don't know which one is gonna explode now. my artery or my brains. my eyes exploded last week. tsk.

Labels: Angry Bombs, Bitch-mode, Elle, Hissy Fit, Mum, Questionable, School, The Queen

I know I haven't been updating. I'm sorry. I've been swamped with assignments after assignments and projects after projects. And FYP! It eats alot of my time and by the time I'm back home, all I want to do is... nothing. Common tests is in 2 weeks. I need to get As. I want to. Please.

Labels: Elle, School, The Queen

I am ridiculously busy that I don't even have time for my FYP! Which is troubling because FYP is number one on my priority list. Unfortunately, the school is stupid to put FYP slots that aren't in sync with my project partner's slot. And our project requires us to work together. Tada! We had very little time for FYP to begin with. In addition, lab closes at 5pm everyday. Grrreaaatt.

I'm snuggled up in bed with hot milk tea, and I'm making an effort to blog despite my hectic schedule. I think blogging is therapeutic. My stress threshold is much higher when I empty my head of excessive musings onto the blog. It's like having a reflection session. Makes me think. And unthink.

Monday
-9am to 11am classes.
-12pm onwards, work @ Prudential.
Tuesday
-8am to 3pm classes.
-3pm onwards, FYP.
Wednesday
-9am to 1pm, work @ Prudential
-2pm to 5pm classes.
Thursday
-10am to 3pm classes.
-3pm to 4pm, FYP
-5.30pm to 7pm, giving tuition.
Friday
-10am to 5pm classes.
Saturday
-11am to 12.30pm, giving tuition.
-1.30pm to 6pm, Hokes quality time.
-8pm to 11pm, Sat night religious classes.
Sunday
-11am to 12.30pm, giving tuition.
-12.30pm onwards stay at home. rest day/ family day.

So, as you can see. I'm really quite pathetic :(
And look! Only 4.5 hrs with Hokes every week! Don't use him as an excuse as to why I'm not available kay?! I'm available in the eveninggsss! I think it's just as well Hokes is in the army. I'm so busy I'd just end up neglecting him. And I know most of you get to see your bf/gf everyday or every other day so shush! Let me whine a little!

:D

I'm not bummed out that I don't see Hokes everyday though. The first 2 weeks was tough, because before that it was the holidays, and I'm so used to meeting him almost everyday. Like 3-5 times per week? And God, 2.5 weeks really feels like forever! But now I get to see him every weekend, so I'm fine :) I've got 2 of his tshirts! So his scent is keeping me company everynight yayyy. Though I'm a little worried about how he's coping in field camp. 6 days in the jungle. Eating food rations. Sleeping on cold hard ground. Aiyo, I think he's gonna lose weight. (Surprisingly he didn't lose weight during the first 2 weeks! yay!) Awww, don't lose weeeeiightt leh hokes. :( Aiyo aiyo the poor dear :(

Tsk, I miss him. Lmao.
Weekends are excitinggggg hehehehehehehehe!


Lmao.



Tomorrow would be my first day on the new job @ Prudential. It's kinda worrying. Because I'm currently the only one working on the project so the pressure is on me, and if I don't get at least 15 people to turn up for the conference then well... I'm screwed. What a thoroughly humiliating possibility.
:(
I'm so nervous lmao. Okay okay, relax kt. You can do itttt :)


I'm going to bed now :) So I can wake up bright an early for work tmr.
Goodnight!

Labels: Elle, Insanity, Of Hokums and Honeystars, School, The Queen

The more I read Alfred's blog post, the more irritated I get.

Not only is he completely blind to whatever I'm saying, he still thinks he's in the right?

I'm wrong? Is it? I'm wrong?

Okay, I'm horrendously evil. I extract myself from this stupid petty fight.


You want to be angry with me? Go ahead, I'm not gonna bother wasting my energy being angry at something so stupid.



Yes Alfred, you're the only one who failed two modules. Yes Alfred, you're the only one whose parents are being asses. Yes Alfred, you so poor thing, have to be so independent, support yourself and your school fees.

SO POOR THING. POOR YOU AWWWWW.


I mean, ***** probably feels so much better than you, she's supporting herself AND her family while her father was retrenched and struggling to help the family pay the bills.

Oh, **** feels awesome too, when her parents are currently going through a divorce.


And ***** is gonna be alright because his father has a mistress.
Wow, you have no idea how many people I know who have families breaking apart. Really. But it's personal so obviously, I'm not gonna start listing them.


How bout the countless others who lost a loved one? or loved ones?



You want pity is it? Huh Alfred? Is the only thing youre gonna do is resign to your bad luck and horrible life, and not do anything about it? Is your life that horrible that you can't see anything at all that you could possibly be happy about? Possibly appreciate?



Btw, I have never. Pangseh-ed anyone, for Hokes. The only one time I pangseh-ed you, I told you the reason why already. And everytime I go out with Hokes, it's because he booked me, ensuring that I have no prior plans with any one of you first. And if I need to emergency pangseh Hokes for any of you, I would. And he would definitely understand. But just that SHORT ONE WEEK. One week. 7 days. Just because I prioritize him first, does not mean I don't have an hour or 2 to spare for you at all. And after that one week, I am so bloody available?! So I don't see the issue of me ditching friends for boyfriend kinda shit coming up. Because eventhough I did say "I'm gonna spend every waking moment with Hokes." I would never abandon you when youre in a crisis. If you believed i meant that literally, then I shall say with gusto,

You are a fucking idiot! HAHA!

So JUST BECAUSE I GET EXCITED TO MEET HOKES and just because I don't jump around when I've plans with you guys, does not make me a hypocrite.



You know damn well that if you needed me, I'd be there for you. Don't be so wishy washy. Say things CLEARLY.

Need examples?

"Khalisah, I need to talk to you. Yes. Now."


"Khalisah are you free now? I need to talk to you. Can I call you? Or you call me?"


"Khalisah, I feel like shit. Get back to me asap."



If something is not alright DON'T ACT AS IF IT IS. IF YOU ACT AS IF IT IS then I will assume it's too personal to talk about it so I WONT ASK YOU IF YOURE ALRIGHT. I don't like to probe. It makes me feel like a kepo.

I'm not a psychic, and I may not know what's the right thing to do all the time. But I try my best to at least be there for you. If you won't tell me, how would I know?


Lastly, I don't know why I must justify myself. If I wanna pon lesson I pon lah. Why cannot? At least I did my assignment. At least I bothered. At least I have an attitude to want to do well. YOU don't. That's the difference between us. You just give up. Just like that. I have an issue with your attitude. Attitude.

And to think I forgot all about being angry at you for making me wait 2 hours for you. You're being kinda selfish, don't you think?



My advice.
Go read your own blog.
LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

And listen to how retarded you sound.

Wake up.

Labels: Bitch-mode, Elle, Hissy Fit, Of Hokums and Honeystars, School, The Queen

I am so so ****ing annoyed right now.


And I refuse to talk to Alfred until he gets over himself.



For God's sake, since I refuse to talk to you until you actually grow up, here's a not-so-little message on my humble blog.

GET OVER YOURSELF.


You were late. For school. By an hour. While I highly doubt it's possible that could be an hour late when you left the house early/on time. But let's give you the benefit of the doubt. Let's say you DID left the house EARLY, let's say the traffic was RIDICULOUSLY HORRIBLE, and the bus is UNBEARABLY SLOW, and you were, in all honesty, an hour late.

Isn't it completely idiotic, to reach school, and then decide to return home JUST BECAUSE you're an hour late and the lecturer might actually say something about it and you just don't wanna listen to it. You could have a productive 2 hour lesson out of the 3 hour prac lesson.

But just because Dr F is gonna say what, 2-3 lines at most? You're gonna miss the entire lesson. I'm sorry but I find it completely idiotic to waste your time like that.

STOP LETTING YOUR EMOTIONS RULE YOUR LIFE.


I once did, and look where it got me? I ****ed up my life. At least I actually make an effort to fix it. You don't even bother trying. I hate unambitious people.


I said the things I said to you to WAKE YOU UP. Stop thinking you're the most important person in the world. Stop making mountains out of molehills.

Let me quote your oh so victimized text message.


"Right. lik you are acting lik a 19? you just said e worst thing you can say to your fren.your fren who had e worst holiday yet stayed strong to cheer you up to tolerate with your hokes frenzy.your bloody fren who you think is childish and redundant."


What pisses me of is how you assume I think you're childish and redundant.

Do I think you're behaving childishly now?

Yes.


Do I think you're redundant?

No. I have never thought my friends redundant. Close or distant, all my friends played a role in my life to shape me into who I am today. Putting words into my mouth eh, dear friend?



YOU had the worst holiday? Really now. HAD YOU CONSULTED ME regarding Her I might actually get your head outta the clouds long enough for you to stop taking action on impulse. Now look, at the mess you got yourself into. GET OVER IT. BGR issues are small issues. Yes they strike close to the heart but STOP MAKING IT YOUR ENTIRE WORLD.


Regarding Hokes, I think you're being unfair to me. You know how much time I have left with Hokes. You know why I focus my time with him because you have more opportunities than him to meet me, see me, talk to me.


I say these things not to spitefully hurt you. YES, I'm pissed at you, but this is the brutal honest painful truth. Here I am trying to HELP YOU but how can I help you WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER TRYING HELPING YOURSELF.

I see no effort made whatsoever.


You stayed strong to cheer me up and tolerate my hokes frenzy? You know it's just a SMALL THING, what makes you think I would forgo YOUR ISSUES just because I'm suddenly crazy over Hokes? You didn't even bother TRYING to tell me about your issues. You speak as if I rattle on and on about Hokes non-stop.


PUH-LEASE.


YOU HAD MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO SHARE IT WITH ME. IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO, I RESPECT YOUR ****ing DECISION SO DON'T ACT AS IF I WASN'T BEING YOUR FRIEND.

You could have asked me out ANY DAY, you didn't.
The only day I rejected you to go out with Hokes was because we only had a week left with each other. And also because I just lan-ed with you and Hokes the other day to try cheer you up.

You could have called me ANY TIME, you didn't.
Want me to check my call log?


You could have msn-ed me ANY TIME, I'm online almost every other night.
But when you did, you didn't even come close to telling me.

I rattle on and on about Hokes is it? That I don't even give you ANY OPPORTUNITY AT ALL TO OPEN UP TO ME? PLEASE LA, THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT HOKES REGARDLESS OF MY LOVE FOR HIM.


Stop acting victimized. GET your act together. Here I am trying to help you and you think I happily happily kick you deeper into the mud when you're down? WAKE UP, ALFRED. THERE ARE THINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR MOODS.



How dare you act self-righteous? As if you're the only one going through one of your lowest points in life.


You did not see me breakdown when Ryan gave me the ultimatum. You did not see me breakdown when my mother told me I was ruining her life, ruining her family as if I'm not part of the family.
You did not see me struggling to sleep.
You did not see me rejecting Lexapro.
You did not see me trying to get myself in the right state of mind.

Don't act as if you're so wonderful a friend that you've been there for me all along.


I understand depression. I've been there. It's addictive. It makes you feel good about your misery. It makes you feel alone, like no one understands you. It makes you come up with excuses and makes you BELIEVE in your own excuses. You've seen me there, done that. I've said depression makes you stupid.

SO don't let something stupid like depression ruin your life too.



Everytime you feel down, and upset or depressed about your life, just remember someone else out there has it worse.

Your problems are NOTHING, compared to some people out there. You CAN get over these problems so stop happily wallow in your misery and start doing something about it.


Sure, I skip school too. Sure, I sleep in lectures. But AT LEAST I have the attitude to WANT to accomplish something. I don't see that in you at all.
It annoys me.


I've yet to slap you for making me wait for 2 ****ing hours yesterday.





Get out of the abyss of self-pity. Help me help you. I'm not gonna bitch about you being irritating to other people and ignore you totally. I'm here if you want help. Just make an effort to reach out to it.

Labels: Bitch-mode, Elle, Hissy Fit, Morning Madness, School, The Queen

I know I haven't been blogging. I'm sorry, I've been real busy with FYP and Hokes is going into army ON MONDAY SO I WILL SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH HIM, and yes I will ditch all of you for more time with Honeystar.

I've got tonnes of things to blog about so..

too bad I guess.




-17629
HAHAHAHAHA WATCH THIS.

Labels: Elle, Emo Nemo, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Questionable, Random Mandoms, School, The Queen, Videos, Weird Shiz

I know I know.

I'm supposed to be on hiatus BUT WHATEVER.



I think I just screwed up my life even more with the BCHEM paper. Ah shucks. Ah. Shucks. Please kill me.


Anyway a bazillion things has happened, alot of which I don't wanna talk about less I go crazy again but yes.
I've been weird AGAIN, but hey, I'm improving. I think I must have been frustrating a whole bunch of people with my low self-esteem so okok, I'll.. well. Dammit, I'm so sorry but I set damn high standards for myself and I'm not fulfilling them so..


:(


A teensy bit of juicy gossip.
I've been seeing a certain someone.
And that certain someone knows the existence of this blog.
And I kinda feel weird. Lmao. Shuddup. We'll see.


Studying is not working out for me, I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT L4D I'm sorry, this is how random my train of thought is. But shuddup, I never got to touch the damned game till recently and dammit I suck hahahaha frikken noob BUT I so wanna play it until I'm not as noob as I so am now xD

Joshua Wong has left for Aus and I HATE HIM SO, hahaha but I got him, in my opinion, the most apt and awesome birthday/ farewell-see-you-in-a-coupla-years gift. I'm sure he loves it too :D


Recently, I attempted to study at Lido, saw Sam Power, had an awkward conversation, bid farewell, had Starbucks' Frapp just to realise a white guy was staring at me. He walked past several times, and as we made eye contact, he'd give a small smile. So I returned the smile, a small and almost unnoticeable one and carried on with my own nonsense, memorizing the structures of 20 amino acids.

Then, Weird White Guy (WWG) spoke to me. He was standing a little behind me with his arms crossed.


"I realized a lot of Singaporeans like to study in cafes. Why's that?"

"Umm, I don't know. I like Starbucks. Starbucks makes me happy."

"But wouldn't it be better to study at home?"

"I can't study at home, it's more distracting."

"Isn't studying here more distracting? The noise and all?" he gestures to the screen playing movie trailers softly behind me.

"Umm, well, home's my comfort zone, so I can't be in my comfort zone. My bed is really distracting, I'd fall asleep and eat and walk around doing nothing."

"Your what?"

"My bed."

"Oh your bed."

(Is my bloody accent that hard to understand?)

Then, realising that the conversation isn't gonna end anytime soon, and that it's kinda weird talking to him while I'm sitting down and looking up to him looming over me, I gave him a fork in the road.

"Would you like to have a seat?"

"Oh sure."


And WWG sat down across me.
You know, he really should've said something like awww nah, I was just passing by. I'll not bother you now, good luck with your studies! But no. So he started chatting with me in the weirdest white guy accent. It was definitely not American nor British nor Australian nor Irish. Because I can recognise those accents somewhat.


So okay. He started telling me how he can't do Chemistry, how he stole a test paper and sold it for fifty bucks, how he took drugs, meth in fact, to stay up all night several days consecutively to study.

And all I could come up with as a response was,"Well, Starbucks kinda keeps me awake."

We talked about how weird Singapore's education system is, and he wanted me to show him what I'm studying so I took out my 20 amino acid structures and gave it to him. He stares at it.

While chatting with him, I was texting Hokes and my last text msg to Hokes was "There's a weird white guy talking to me now. Ah." Or something along those lines. And I was feeling quite awkward. Am I supposed to continue studying? Caz that would be kinda rude. And chatting with him would just prove his point about studying at cafes are more distracting because of white guys like him.
Lmao. He said that I swear, and he gave me a very amused smile.

I grinned and shrugged.


Dammit lah.
Hahahahaha.


AND THEN MY HERO CAME, yayyy, Hokes the idiot, surprised me. I thought he was still at home but no! He secretly came down without telling to surprise me, which he kinda failed caz I saw him and he wasn't able to come up behind me and shock me to death or something.

So I went all," EH HIIIII! What are you doing here?!"

And Hokes noticed me and grinned and sat beside me.

WWG suddenly had a change in attitude, he completely ignored me, chatted to Hokes about ipods, and then left without saying goodbye to me.
Asshole.


I hope you can only find Creative stores around you rude bugger! I hope you never find the Apple store! NEVAH!

Lmao, but I was very glad to see Hokes. And that sweet little thing started helping memorise BCHEM and even wrote for me lists of things I should remember, WHEN I SHOULD BE THE ONE WRITING THOSE DOWN lmao, awwww.

(I wonder if you've guessed it yet)


He's been doing this alot, that scheming boy, lying to me that he's still at home, then turn up unannounced at macs yesterday where I was having lunch with the usual gang. We then went to a LAN shop and played L4D and finished the entire thing, it was fun, hilarious, and dammit, best fwen was better than me!

Then Best Fwen's BF came along, and all four of us were playing and omg sho fun.
We had dinner, and ah, it felt like a, ah. Should I just say it?
Ah.
So many things has happened.
Man.
This blog is so outdated.

ok...

it's been like this.

met hokes at cny.
crashed ac orientation.
hokes asked me out on vday, that bodoh.
i rejected M who also asked me out on vday, and i think M is an idiot(I find some people very immature even though they're so old).
i spend some time with hokes.
i went out with bff to play with horses AND THEY ARE SHO BEAUTIFULL
i smelt like hay.
i changed and went on a double date with bff and her bf and me with hokes.
watched slumdog millionaire.
damn sick parts, ouchies my eyes.
but good movie.
i agree with bff that double dates are gay.
but hey, try new things lorz.
i met up with jwong to pass him his present.
jwong gave hokes immunity to my sluttiness.
damn you.
and recently, after L4D-ing with best fwen and her bf and hokes,
we went to dinner and it felt like a second double date.
lmao-ness.


I'm so glad I don't update my blog too often. Having a small circle of readers is so my cup of tea. So yesza! Now you know. And well, I don't know what to do about it, or how's this gonna turn out, but I'm doing my best, I'm being better,I have my weirdity and even though I threw him a whole lot of shit about me, I don't know what's wrong with him, What's wrong with you, Hokes?! Are you blind?! Maybe he's only seen me being my weird self that he can't tell when I'm normal and when I'm not lmao lmao lmao ness.

I miss ryan like crazy I haven't been talking to him much and Jacob too.
But ah.
Sigh.



Okok, now that all's updated, I'm gonna study. Again.



-16421
never lose your childish innocence
-Under The Tuscan Sun

Labels: Chat Log, Elle, Insanity, Jacob, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

I love coffee.
It keeps me up when I need to be up.
And.
I'm still praying.
I desperately hope you're okay.
Please be.
Please.
I look like a panda.
I want to look like a panda forever if it means you'll be okay.
I'd fail any common test, if it means you're okay.
I don't like how insignificant you seem in my life because you're just the calefare.
I don't like how significant you seem now because something drastic happened.
I'm sorry.
I saw WS.
WS says he heard from R that your condition is improving and not deteriorating.
I'm relieved.
Be okay.
Please.
Your friends are worried for you.
I see a girl crying.
Everyone's waiting for you.
You matter alot to them.
So be okay.
Please.



-16048
I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped

Labels: Elle, Emo Nemo, Morning Madness, School, The Queen

The school sent to letters to inform my parents of my debarment.

Ah.

They flipped.



Sigh.


Dad cut off all my electricity. I have to bathe in cold water AGAIN. For a night, I slept without a fan nor aircon nor air ventilation. IT WAS HOT AS HELL ugh. Everything I've worked for has been undone. Parents filled with disappointment.

Dad says he's not gonna pay for my school fees again.

Sigh.

Is this what you want? Huh? All because I didn't suck up to you? Everyone tells me not to worry because you have a reputation of favouring girls over boys. They tell me you're a perverted old bastard, the boys resent your favouritism. But they tell me not to worry, caz I'm a girl! But I'm not like other girls, who ask you alot of questions, who try to get on your good side. I don't bother. I treat everyone the same. You don't like that do you? Is it because I don't reciprocate?

They tell me that usually the system would try as hard as possible not to debar me. They tell me that all I need to do is send an appeal and they'll let me continue. It's not a big deal anyway. And I have medical reason.

But no! you tell me you can't accept it because I went to the doctor after the debarment. Not before! If I went before, you would have accepted it. I told you I didn't know. I told you I didn't realise it was serious. I told you that depressive disorder is a prolonged disorder. The symptoms don't last a day or two, it takes several months to manifest. I told you that that is proof for all the absence before the debarment.

But you still said the same damn thing. You can't accept medical proof after the debarment was made. What a load of crock. What a load of bullshit.
See?
I told you I had issues at home, but no, because of your stupid resentment against me, you tore my life apart.

Dad stopped talking to me AGAIN. We were good. We were improving. We were talking and joking and LAUGHING again.

AND YOU HAD TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME?
THE ONE THING THAT I YEARN FOR, MY PARENTS' APPROVAL, THEIR AFFECTION.

I love joking and laughing and teasing them.
I love that things, though unresolved, are stabilizing.

BUT YOU JUST HAD TO DESTROY THAT.

You selfish son of a dog.
I hate you.

I hope you die, lonely and unloved in an old folks' home. I hope everyone forgets you. I hope you are miserable, and yearn love but will never ever in your pathetic life ever receive any love or display of affection what so ever.

I hate you.
I hate you for taking this away from me.
I hate you for being selfish.
I hate you for being unreasonable and biased.
I hate you for destroying my future.
I hate you for doing all of these to me.



Fortunately, I expected it. I worried like crazy. It was eating me inside out. Then I faced the music. I was miserable so miserable. But I got over it. I deserved it I guess, I saw it coming. I'm doing the best I can now.
Thanks to Cass and Hokes for being there for me. I think I'm lucky to have met Hokes through Cass. He's super nice really, trying to cheer me up with Cookie Monster on webcam, dancing at AC Campfire eventhough I totally forgot the dance I learnt = dancing FAIL. Haha. And for telling me the most kickass awesome bedtime story everrr I swear it was so entertaining, at 1 am when I was having trouble sleeping in the heat and lack of air ventilation and me being afraid to open the windows and doors because I'm scared of the dark but I braved myself and did it anyway.

Lmao, Cass, Jefri, Ryan, Hokes and I were in the story involving Royalty and kingdoms, and Jellyfishes armed with Corals with deadly Neurotoxins BAHAHAHAHAHA
Does this sound familiar? Hahahaha BIF project can go and dieee really.


But thanks, everyone, I'm happy now. I'm at ease. I'm no longer taking the pills and I'm not as stressed out. I'm relaxed! And I'm trying to work as hard as I can. I am taking time off to unwind with my friends, and I am ok :)

I am NO LONGER depressed, my symptoms went away.
So I'm okay :)

And I shall be happy :)
At least Mum's still talking to me, so yes, I shall be happy :)
I shall strive to improve things at home and outside.
And
I shall
be happy :)


Thank you :)


-15963
This is us - our lives are weaved into each other. Just like our interlocking fingers.
-Jacob Chew
:) See? I used your quote, Cobby!

Labels: Bitch-mode, Elle, Hissy Fit, Mum, Quote, School, The Queen

I'm glad to say I'm sort of improving. I don't feel sleepy anymore just, lethargic. I can't ever get rid of the lethargy, it frustrates me to no end.
My appeal against debarment failed, much to the surprise of alot of people, who also gave me false hope, but I don't blame you, I think the lecturer is really just a bias ass#@%! I think his reason for my debarment is wholly unacceptable. I don't bear grudges but I wanna learn to keep this one.

>:\


I listened to Ryan and stopped taking the pills. And I tried psycho-ing myself into the proper state of mind (happiness is a state of mind!) I think I'm less weird, and more normal-ish, but I think I still have my hiccups of weirdity.


Recently, crashed orientation in one of the JCs lol. Something happened then that made me very uncomfortable, about myself even more so. I'll not elaborate.

My BIF project is irritating me, not only were the instructions to the project so vague, it might as well be nonexistent, but I've been hearing alot of unreasonable behavior of our lecturer from the other classes. If I receive any of that shit, the lecturer is gonna be sorry.

Not that I don't have respect for lecturers, but when you're being unreasonable and stupid, well, I don't think you deserve my respect afterall. So I will question you, in a way that would not cross the line, but in a way that would fully reflect your stupidity across the lecture, and your credibility would be questioned, thus, it would be a cascade of gargantuan shame for you, echoing across the student body.

And it would serve you right.


While I resent that my life has been turned upside down, just because of this debarment, I am determined to escape the state of anxiety. I will go zen! Like a monk, and not let worldly matters affect my inner mind.
Whatever that means.

My attachment is screwed up, I've to change classes AND semesters, I can't do Redcamp and OpenHouse next year anymore, I have to repeat the stupidest module in the world just because of something stupid, and everything is turning ugly.

I feel like I'm losing my friends. My mother, oblivious to everything has ridiculously high expectations of me, my father slogging away to pay for my ridiculously expensive school fees as well as transport fees (I RESENT THAT I HAVE TO PAY ADULT FAIR WHEN I AM A STUDENT) Idiocy is prevalent around me, and sometimes I feel like the biggest idiot, and I just can't control myself nor my life anymore as it swerves uncontrollably into the abyss of doom.

I wonder what it's like to be me. I've been someone else for so long, I don't remember what it's like to be myself anymore. While I am vain enough to care what people that matters think of me, I also am proud enough to care what I think of myself, and I don't think very highly of myself (equals low self-esteem) and that bothers me too, and therefore, it is a never ending vicious cycle.

Also, besides freaky things happening to me like the aircon being turned on FOR NO APPARENT REASON, I have been hearing freaky shrilling sounds that are consistent with the movement of my arms. And only my arms. I thought it was the bed squeaking so I bounced on it to see if it was synchronized but no! It responds to my arm moving up and down, and I thoroughly freaked out. I feel scared at night caz I feel my blankets moving so I pray and pray and I brave myself to open my eyes and it stopped. So I stopped taking the pills and everything is.. normal now. Nothing has happened so far and I'd like to keep it that way. I don't know what to do with myself really. Either my brain is going crazy, or the ghost in my room is umm. Yeah. There. Although Liza's theory of wonky electronics is plausible, but considering that sometimes the aircon doesnt read my remote when I am pressing on it several times? ah.

What I am going to do, however, is study for the two modules I have left. I am not going to bother going for lectures or practicals for my debarred module, why should I? I'm going to see his stupidassed face again anyway. I'm gonna focus and score A's and this will be my last post, as I take a hiatus to study and get my life back on track.

I must also remember to meet up with JWong before 19th Feb! HE'S LEAVING ME FOR DOWN UNDER HATE HIMMM HATE HIMM :( So yes, despite exams, I shall take a day off to torment him :) Or rather give him one last chance to torment me. After exams I shall remember to read all my unread books, to watch all the movies I missed out, to hang out with friends and go indulge in Starbucks and BE HAPPY, before the horror starts all over again, I shall play games be addicted to L4D and Halo, and omg bug Hokes to L4D with him, or alone, I just need the freaking gameeee tee hee. Wow, I'm already planning how to enjoy, but for now, I shall kill my eyes with protein sequences for BIF, and study and study and mug like I'm a natural born mugger.

I will be alright.

If everything isn't alright, I damn well will make it alright.



Wish me luck!



-15896
I know my posts are long and boring, but I'm too emo to care.


P/S:
Special thanks to Timo for your kind offer in financial help :)
Special thanks to clique for not holding it against me (I hope) and being there for me while I'm a dysfunctional self-destructive emo.
Prayers for Alfred's sis who's in labour :)
Much love to Jacob and Ryan, one emo and the other having a blast in OZland -.-

Labels: Babies, Elle, Emo Nemo, Insanity, Jacob, Mum, School, The Queen

I am sick.
I am coughing until my abdominal muscles hurt.
Until my throat is sore, I think I taste blood.
My nose is constantly blocked, I can't breathe.
My voice is now manly, a stark contrast to my previously high pitched voice.
I have headaches, the ones you get when you have a fever.
I am weak.


And.

I am officially tired of being sick.


I am SICK and TIRED of the headaches.
I am sick and tired of the lethargy.

I WANT TO JUMP AROUND, I want to do things, I want to have bundles of energy, limitless amount of energy to spare.

I want to be able to focus on my studies, I want to...

I want so many things, but who says we get what we want all the time?




I saw the counsellor last week.
A bloody waste of time.
A
bloody
waste
of
time.


Do not PRETEND to understand me when I know you don't.
You don't know what I want.
How can you pretend you know what I want, when I don't know what I want exactly?
I want things to be okay, but what is okay?
All I know for sure is what I don't want.

I talked to the freaking counsellor for AN HOUR. And I thought, hey, a counsellor, might as well make use of it. I don't wanna be one of those shallow people. I want to be open minded. So yes, I poured my heart and soul to you. My deepest darkest secrets that some of my closest friends don't even know.

And after it all,
you
don't
even
understand me.


YOU SUCK SO BAD.
I AM NEVER GOING FOR COUNSELLING AGAIN.

The doctor at the polyclinic, the one who diagnosed that I have depression.
HE UNDERSTOOD ME BETTER.
I almost cried because I knew he understands, and I don't want him to. Because he's a doctor. Not a psychiatrist. He referred me to a psychiatrist but I don't want to go because I don't have the money and I can't ask my parents because THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT I'M GOING THROUGH WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH.

I'm screwed up. Okay? I admit.
I am a self-destructive dysfunctional person.
I cannot think logically anymore.
The doctor says depression does that.
SCREW DEPRESSION


FROM NOW ON I AM NOT EFFING DEPRESSED.
I LOVE MY LIFE.
I LOVE MYSELF.
I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND MY FAMILY.

I don't pick at flaws, caz flaws are OKAY.
Everyone has flaws. I AM TOLERANT of flaws, I will ACCEPT YOU FLAWS AND ALL.
AND I WILL STOP FREAKING CRYING LIKE A GODDAMNED BABY.



I WILL stick to my resolutions. I WILL stick to my principles, stick to my goals.
Depression is retarded.
I always thought that people going through depression are stupid caz, awww youre so sad awww your life suck awwww you might as well die AWWWW TOO BAD. THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE HAVING IT WORSE THAN YOU OUT THERE SO SUCK IT UP AND STOP BEING A PANSY.

And then now
I know why
they are retarded
caz depression is a mental retardation disorder.
depression makes you stupid
so now
I'm a retard.
be nice to me.

I'm not gonna be retarded anymore.
I am going to be FINE.

My lecturer can go and die.
"Oh it's quite serious you know. You should go get help. Bla bla bla. It's not too expensive."

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MONEY HUH?
I am in DEBT.
And I cannot let my parents KNOW.
Why?


Because I am not throwing away what I have been working for MY ENTIRE LIFE just because I'm going through this retarded disorder.


Depressive disorder my ass.

STOP DEBARRING ME.



I turn up for lessons now.
And I've started studying.
I know I'm inconsistent but when I am truly working and trying hard, CUT ME SOME SLACK AND COOPERATE WILL YA?
You are so not helping me by DEBARRING ME.


I understand my parents too well.
Only too well.
You don't think I've not tried reasoning with them? Like proper rational adults?
You can't reason with them unless you want to turn their whole world upside down.
And eventhough I hate hate hate so much what they are doing, I know they do it because they love me.
And because of that, I can never truly hate them.
And because of that..
I cannot bear to hurt them.


No matter how much you tell me it's for the better.
No matter how much it's healthier for me, for them, for my life, and their life.

I cannot do anything, that would hurt them.


Last Christmas, I tested their limits.
They hurt of course. It hurt me that they hurt.
but they're better now.
And I can't complain.



Now this issue, lies with me. With my principles. My moral values.
It's just me. Me with the retarded brain.


I'm fine now.
I'm improving.
I've stopped dating.
The guys I go out with are purely friends. And they are good friends.
I'm sorry to say I'm not close to much girls in poly except for Cass Lee.
Other girls in my clique include Sharon and Abigail.
But I'm not as close to them.
There are just some people that you feel alright to open up to and others, uncomfortable with.

I don't know.
I just don't have that many girls around me.
I have guys around me because guys are horny buggers. They like girls. So obviously, they don't mind hanging out with me.
But after that, we came to a mutual agreement.
That we will only be friends and that's it.

And that's okay.
And they happen to be good friends.

So yes, I know alot of guys, because the guys approach me. If girls approached me, I'm equally nice and friendly.
Like, in Ambassadors.
There are tonnes of awesome girls.
Ning and her fellow Year 1 gang.
Joyce and Joyce both from Ambassadors and French.
XiangWei and Hannah, my a.l. and L.
Tsk, psh, I'm okay with practically all the girls in Ambassadors.

I'm okay with the girls in my course.
I got to know a new girl, in my lab.
She's repeating a module with Eugene.
I talked to Eugene once in lab because he was my lab partner.
We hit off hilariously.
That was ages ago.
And.
Only recently have I started talking to her.
Girls are just slower and less receptive of me.
And it's normal BECAUSE THEY'RE GIRLS.
No matter how open I am to girls, I am just less approachable to them.

(This is my theory. If you have another theory, please enlighten me, so I can LEARN)



And of course, the girls that understand me, I cherish them like crazy.
I love them to bits.
I love my friends to bits.
Even though I know friends come and go.
I can't help it?
I just love all of you, even when I find you guys sometimes retarded or your flaws irks me, or you can be immature or childish.
No matter what negative opinion I have of any of my friends (because your mind can't help but judge, it's whether you act on it), I love you all the same.

I know it's hard to believe.
you might think I'm stupid this way,
but that's just the way retarded me works.

I love my friends to bits
no matter how crazy you guys drive me.

Like the way I love my parents,
no matter how much I say I hate them,
no matter how crazy they drive me too.


I just.. cherish relationships in my life.
Suuuure I pretend to be some brave strong jaded girl, like I can just drop friends if I think you're not worthy to be considered a friend,
but
I actually take very long to get over it.


On the outside, I pretend to be over it,
but
I secretly think about it every night.


It took me a year and a half to get over Hidayah.
And
to be completely honest
when she talks to me on msn
it still hurts
till now.


I'm so sorry, but
..

I'm sorry.


I'm sorry everyone.


I'm sorry for being so weird.
I really wish I wasn't.
I have my own ideals in my head.

Bear with me.

I've begun to mellow down. No clubbing since that time, no drinking, I still to this day am proud to say I don't smoke, no boys, I know my heart now, no rebelling against teachers, no rebelling against parents,

I'm fixing myself.
One step at a time.


Bear with me.


I love you.




-15670
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
-Mark Twain

Labels: Chat Log, Elle, Emo Nemo, Hissy Fit, Mum, Questionable, Quote, School, The Queen

So great.

Lemme update yous.




I have been debarred from one of my modules for my poor attendance.
And close to being debarred from the rest.
I told them I can't wake up. I seriously can't.
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SEVERITY OF MY INCAPABILITY OF WAKING UP?

I cannot wake up.
Simple.
My radio alarm would be loud enough to wake the entire family at 6 am, until they got up and started walking around disoriented before banging on my door to tell me to shut the damned thing, and I WOULD BE COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS.

I put my handphone, with the loudest and noisiest metal song I have, set with vibration and all, to wake me up EVENTHOUGH I have my loudass radio alarm already.
But no, I sleep through like the dead, even with my phone ringing and buzzing on my face, with my mum banging on the door, with the radio alarm blaring away.

I.
Cannot.
Wake.
Up.


Until my eyes decides to open.


WHICH part of that do you not understand?



I missed so many lessons because I sleep nonstop and only wake up at like 12 or 1. And stumble my way to school. And sometimes, school ends at 3 pm so why in the world would I go to school for 30 mins of lessons? (I take 1.5 hours to get to school)



I went to the first doctor-
ugh
i dont even feel like typing or blogging now
iwannasleep
andit's only 9.11pm
tsk



UGH i have to do this or my blog will die.im so tired bodoh.


ANYWAY

I went with best fwen to a private doctor. He told me that I am an insomniac.
And now my brain is entering a compensatory state. Which is why I suddenly sleep so much.
And how I should NEVER sleep in the day while he is resetting my (insert scientific name) in my brain. He gave me some pills, anxiety pills, and told me to take one type every morning and one type every night.


AND IT COST ME 70 BUCKS.
ARE YOU CRAZY I DONT HAVE 70 BUCKS.
Now I owe best fwen 70 bucks because she helped me pay for it.

I WOULD SO SCREAM VULGARITIES RIGHT NOW IF NOT FOR MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS.



stupid expensive anxiety pills.
I dont even see how I'm in a state of anxiety.
Am I anxious, people?
Huh?
AM I?
I'm so pissed.



So, I asked him for a letter to verify that I do have an existing sleeping disorder, good lord SURE I LIED ABOUT IT.
NO REALLY,
I actually have a good night's sleep everynight, I just don't come for classes because I love being a rebel and failing is my ultimate goal in life.

GIVE ME A BREAK GOOD LORD.

and the doctor refuses to write one because he says it's dangerous and can be used against me in the court of law.
Like.
okay.
whatever.


He gave me 3 days MC and wrote Sleep Disorder in it. I was satisfied.
My lecturer wasn't.
"I need a letter of verification bla bla bla"
OH WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEEEEEEEEEED GOD

Debarment is a stupid assed policy,
IF I DONT WANNA COME TO SCHOOL AND IM STILL SMART ENOUGH TO PASS MY EXAMS THEN YOU SHOULD LEAVEEE MEEEE ALONEEEEE.
I'm the one paying you money for my education right? SO WHY IS MY ATTENDANCE A BIG FAT ISSUE RAWR.


So, he tells me to go see a polyclinic, it's cheaper (but I generally have bad impression of GPs in polyclinics, because they are always so uncaring. meh)
And okay so I went there,
waited for HOURS,
wasted more money.


And the doctor was surprisingly nice and creepy too.
He stares at me and smile. Without saying anything.
HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M A FREAK.
And when I tell him stuff, he looks at me as if he could see deep into my soul and I was so uncomfortable around him.

It got so bad that when I was done talking and he's still staring at me, I went,"What???"
And all he did was smiled and wrote a whole lot of shit into my file of which I couldn't decipher because his handwriting was so illegible(why is this typical of doctors?) it looked like he was writing in Tamil.

And he was so hesitant about asking me questions too.
I think, he's like afraid of me.
Like if he says the most dangerous words ," You. Are. Suffering. From. Depression."
I'll turn into a nasty green hulk and eat him.

-.-


And so I told him abit of my family problems, because he's a doctor not a shrink (AND OMG I AM FORCED TO SEE A COUNSELLOR IN SCHOOL WTFWTFWTFTWF I SO TOTALLY OBJECT)

He even asked me if my lecturer was interested in me.
WHAT THE FORK SPOON KNIFE?
and I'm like "Ew? No?!"
And he asked, "How old is your lecturer?"
and i was like," I have no idea, he's old?"
LAWL people LAWL.

He keeps going hmmm..
and looking at me, weirdly, like observing me.
Sometimes, it's like the way best fwen looks at me when she thinks I'm acting like a nutcase.


OKAY FINE, BEST FWEN, YOU WIN.
I'm suffering from depression
WOOO I'm one of those emo morons, tsk.


And and and he said he would write a letter to my lecturer to tell him what he thinks, but he won't verify the sleeping disorder.
LIKE
OH MY GOD.


IF YOU AGREE WITH ME THAT I HAVE ISSUES SLEEPING AND WAKING UP WHY CANT YOU BLOODY WRITE THE DAMN LETTER PUT ME OUTTA MY MISERY SO I WONT GET SO IRRITATED ABOUT BEING DEBARRED MAKING MY LIFE WITH MY PARENTS ALL THE MORE HORRIBLE.


Here's what the nice but creepy doctor wrote.
(Yes, I opened the envelope and read it eventhough it's for my lecturer. Bite me.)


"...she has symptoms of poor appetite, lethargy, somnolence (?) and anieclonia(?). she is most likely to have depressive disorder. We have offered her a referral to the psychiatrist but due to financial difficulties, she has declined it. It seems that her depression stems from problems @ home. When asked for more details, she declined to revealmore. Please feel free to let us know how else to help Khalisah."

(I tried my best to decipher his handwriting)

The doctor also tells me not to take those anxiety pills, because I don't look anxious to him.
But, maybe that's because I already took one in the morning.
And he was like,"Don't take la... This is for anxiety..."

And essentially, he never really did help me much solve my issues.
GRREEAAATTT.


But he was actually very nice.
So nice that he makes me wanna cry.
And I almost cried again when I talked to him.
To that he said,"What's that?"
"What's what?"
"Are those tears?"
"NOOOOOoooo...?"

And he just smiled and stared and nodded his head and wrote more shit into my file.


>:(


I don't know how to get rid the crying in public syndrome.
I cried at the brownie stall when Ryan was being an ass in his texts, and when James Morrison was playing on the speakers.
Nobody saw me though, I ran to the toilet to do my make up.

Hehe I'm so pro.


I also cried in front of Sam and Raphael and Sean, embarrassing as hell. I can't stand it, I cried after reading this really sad article in NP tribune.

I cried when I told my lecturer about my issues with my family.

I almost cried in the bus and train.
I almost cried when I feel so alone.


And everytime the urge to cry comes, I would feel tremendous shock and disgust.


BECAUSE I AM NOT A CRY IN PUBLIC PERSON
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew



you cannot believe how much I am so ugh-ing about the way I am now.



So I pretty much wasted alot of time, money and energy.
And my life
is crumbling
like a cookie.
wheeeee.




-15491
I join Facebook groups for their funky names. If you start a group with the previous sentence, I will sue you.

Labels: Chat Log, Elle, Emo Nemo, Hissy Fit, Questionable, School, The Queen

(I think Audrey Hepburn is gorgeous. But this is just me being random.)


So, I haven't been blogging because I simply don't have the mood to blog, but that's also due to the fact that I don't even have the time. Which, by the way, is something I RESENT GREATLY, because 2 years back, I always have time for anything. I was so freaking free. I was so free I could lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and muse about life's philosophies and get up hours later for dinner and then proceed to watch TV. THEN, when inspiration finally strikes, I'd blog about the most hilarious and entertaining incident, which led to my blog receiving a fair amount of readers.


Sadly to say, due to time constraints, I no longer have that luxury, my readers grew bored of me,(also due to the fact that Ryan started changing my blog webbie around, but I love him anyway), my blog is now close to dead.


Nevertheless, I shall muse a little more.



Open House had just ended a few days back, and I'm feeling slightly ill, perhaps because I've been working too hard. Over exertion when you spent the entire day on your feet, walking up and down the slopes in the humongous campus of your institution, talking non-stop to visitors, answering their queries as well as providing them more information about the school.

Which I thought was the coolest shizzle ever, because I loved it, PR is always fun and interesting, you meet a variety of personalities, you give them your warmest smile, and your sincerest answers to their questions. And when they smile back, or seemed pleased at such a wonderful reception and the warm service, IT MAKES YOU FEEL SO DARN GOOD.

And no matter how much a bitch the visitor(s) can get, it doesn't matter, because I will always be the nicest person in the world when I'm wearing my golden name tag and black Ambassador's shirt.

AND THAT IS HOW EVERYBODY IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY SHOULD BE.
God,
you guys really suck at this.
Sheesh, I seriously should take over all your lousy jobs, because there is just too many people giving bad service around here.




ANYWAY,

after the entire 3 days, the graduating Year 3s, gave really touching speeches, because the Open House would be the last major school event they would ever participate in as Ambassadors.

And I cried like a kuku.

:'(



IT'S SO SADDDD really, I'm gonna miss them so dearly, they were so awesome. And I already felt the pang of pain and sadness for my graduation next year, I DON'T WANNA LEAVE AMBASSADORS EVER DAMMIT.


:(





Besides that,
I had a really really nostalgic and heartwarming time with the girls from Crescent.

I MISSED THEM SO, and it's amazing how you meet up with friends you've not seen for 2 years only to find they've suddenly bloomed into such gorgeous people.
And then I realised how flat chested I am, and how I'm lacking an ass, how I resemble a ruler and how they all have boobs except me.


Which I find grossly unfair, because I am a womanly woman! I deserve boobies too! But it's just as well, perhaps this helps me sieve out horny guys who wouldn't love me for me and just my boobies.


They all went curvy and sexy and pretty on me, while my head is still flat, so is my chest and bum, my hair too fine, my face blunt, eyes small, nose button-y.

And psh, I know I don't look that bad, I like to think I have adequate self-esteem, but seriously, I can look so hideous without make-up, contact lenses and thank god braces straightened out my teeth.

Here are some pictures to amuse you.
I'm the one in grey tank and black skinnies. Observe my nonexistent T&A and my skinny twig-like limbs.











I don't know why we camwhore in toilets (only pretty ones btw) but all I know is that it's a girl thing.




-15307
I love how you make me smile.




P/S: The previous post was hilarious hahaha I laughed out loud :D I'm so sorry but I was typing with my eyes closed to Ryan. That was the night of the last day of Open House and I was exhausted. I'm so funny xD

Labels: Elle, Photo Log, School, The Queen