helloooo people, if I can live with your ideals, get over mineee. And stop misinterpreting!

Come on, I am not turning into a robot. If ever, I'll most likely be more empathetic! Stop being the "mature" people thinking awww this girl is trying to be different when she's actually the same. Really, lame mentality.

Like I've replied an angry person's email, I KNOW I'm not the only one in this world facing shit OH MY GOD PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELVES THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME. Goodness? This is life, at some point of time, at some aspects in life, SOMEONE will have it worse than you at something. So I cannot be sad over my predicament? It's not as if I'm not getting over it? I am! Why are you guys so clogged up in your brains that you must stick to your ideals and your principles only? Be open minded, accept that people are different, people think differently. If I can accept you for who you are, then stop being a bitch to me?


For all the harping about "look at yourself" don't look at others, the entire point of the post is that I HAVE. I want to STOP JUDGING (don't you read? I really do question your intelligence now) I want to be a GOOD PERSON and it's okay that there are people with flaws! I do my best to be a better person everyday, and that is what counts. I appreciate things that are done for me and if I don't or forget to, and you find it offensive, TELL ME LIKE HOW I TELL YOU. And if you don't find an issue with it, then be happy that you made me happy! Stop playing these stupid childish games!


Like I've said countless times, I judge people. you judge people. EVERYONE will form impressions in their minds about people but ACTION IS KEY. I want to STOP acting on my judgments and I hope that the world would see the same. That though you judge, you are open-minded enough to give the person the benefit of the doubt, that they might change or actually have an amazing trait lurking beneath the nonsense that you've not seen.


I will not be friends with ANYONE. Understand? No 50% no 60% and all that bs. Goodness me. I respond to your actions(good or bad, if you are a bad person, I AM SURE I WILL RESPOND POSITIVELY TO YOUR 1% GOOD ACTION I am pretty sure you're human not satan), and I WILL BE a friend, in terms of action. I will not stand by and watch you fall or deliberately ruin your life or be heartless or be a robot. I am NOT pushing people away you retards! PEOPLE LIKE YOU make me want to push people away but I DONT. It is precisely that humans are all greys and not black and white, that's why I am a friend to everyone. Whether you take drugs, or stole a car, or bitch about people, or cheat on your lover, or are selfish, or have sex with anyone, even animals, I. Don't. Care.

What I don't want is to call you MY FRIEND. Because people like you, have to harp on it like crraaaaazzzaaayyy. I would have a relationship with you YES, it's impossible to not have a relationship with someone unless you've never met the person. Just the KIND of relationship, it would not be friendship. It would be purely based on actions on the spot.


And with regards to my exclusive few, I love you and I don't give a shit what you think about me even though I'm feeling abit of retardation from all of you. I DONT CARE. I dont care if you don't love me anymore, I don't care if you do. I love you because I love you and I do things because I love you FULLSTOP.

I don't expect anything from you SO DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM MEEEEEE BETCHEZ. I am already being the best person I possibly can, yes I make mistakes and I accept my mistakes and rectify them if I knew them and knew how.

I would not be making up theories if I don't abide to them myself. SERIOUSLY, I'm not an idiot. And I don't IMPOSEEEEE my theories on you. Okay? So please get over yourselves and your ideals because it's starting to look like you think you're the better person and your theories are the only right theories and I can't have mine.

Of course my theories can have holes poked if I don't explain it well(and theories are theories not facts), I can't, it's hard for me to express myself in words, I don't have that gift, but why don't you open up your mind a little and try to see it from how I'm seeing it, because I DO KNOW HOW YOU SEE IT and I understand WHY you see it that way and I ACCEPT IT that you want to believe in it.


Like flipping religion, I can see why Christians love Jesus to death and Buddhists believe in karma and bla bla bla. It's not that I don't read up about it, I know! You've told me all about your flipping religion! And I see where you're coming from and I accept it, I just choose not to believe in it!


I don't want nouns to express how I feel about you, unless it's something like family (DNA will kick your ass trying to deny it)or boyfriend or girlfriend (THERE IS SOMETHING WRONGGG with your r/s if you don't want a status because these are steps before marriage, BEFORE FAMILY, the commitment needs to be there)

But friends? The commitment DOES NOT need to be there. There is no ties. You're speaking up for me Jacob, like the rest of you. There is no ties. ONLY LOVE. Friends does not equal love! LOVE IS LOVEEE. Because I have you in my personal regard, because I LOVE YOU, I WILL be there for you I WILL have a commitment to YOU. okay? And it is not easy to love someone so NO I DO NOT LOVE EVERYONE. (And if you don't love your family and boyfriend or girlfriend then it sucks to be you)

So NOOOOO god I just don't believe in friends, get over it, if I don't love you, TOO BADDD I am sure someone else does (You still have family you whiny ass) and if I do, WOW GOOD FOR YOU. one more person in your life loves you, don't you feel loveddddd?


Basically I will be the same person my actions are the same, IF you had not known and read this post, YOU WOULD FIND NO SIGNIFICANT CHANGE IN ME, the only thing that has changed is my PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE. so why are you finding an ISSUEEEEE with me?
I am THIS sort of person, a person who analyses things and I do it because I find it important, you have your own set of things important to you and I have mind.
I find it important because it defines my purpose and how I feel and perceive about life, the journey that I AM TAKINGGG NOT YOUUUU LALALA HELLO HELLO WAKE UP. STOP SHAKING ME CAZ I AM AWAKE.


Look at the gazillion people in my life whom I call friends. Really, wont you find it more offensive that I consider an insignificant person friends and you friends when youre more significant to me?
So what I do, I do, because I care in some way but to hell with friends. I do it not because "it's what friends should do." screw that okay? Everything I do MEANS something, and in your point of view you would call it "friendship"

I don't. Okay? I call it love. Personal regard. Whatever. Different people, different degree of regard. GET OVER ITTTT.

Stop trying to show me that I am wrong and yet tell me at the same time "there is no right and wrong" YOU look who's doing the judging. hypocritical bunch of shits leh all of you! wahlao! Must bombard me for what I believe in? I am so disappointed in all of you! haha and I don't really care if you're disappointed in me or son't want to be friends with me. like everything else in life, I can live with it and I can move on. Just because I can, does not mean I am a robot and you are such wonderful empathetic human beings. Fuck off.

NOW, I want to talk about my day hahahaha. Hmm I watched Detroit Metal City, the first few episodes of the anime and OMG SO FUNNAYYY HAHAHAHA-

eh wait, I forget to tell Jacob I love him too eventhough he always think he's better than me and everyone and drive me crazy. See? I told you. I love means I love forever AIYO LEAVE ME ALONE LAH. No "friends" to love me also never mind. My family does and hopefully a future husband to have a family with. TADA! Happiness. Hehehehahaha.-

OKAY continue. Anyway remember Singapore Idol? the third season (latest one) there was this dude in long blonde hair and costume and face painting I JUST WATCHED DETROIT METAL CITY SO NOW THEN I REALISED WHO KRAUSER IS HAHAHAHAHA

You see, in Detroit Metal City, Krauser is this crazy metal screamo guy, lead singer of a screamo metal band. BUT this guy accidentally joined that band, he thought it would be a lovey dovey meaningful soft melodious tunes kinda band. BECAUSE HE IS ACTUALLY that kinda of person! But the sad thing is that he is good at being metal screamo and his love songs SUCKSSSS. Hahahaha! And everytime the anime shows him trying to sing love songs he looks soooo retarded and gay and mushy BAHAHAHA

So, my point is, Krauser on SG Idol I SALUTE YOUUUU. The irony is BEAUTIFULLL how you dress like that and purposely sing a love song hahahaha THE JUDGES ARE STUPID. Your voice isn't that bad and you should make it through and they should appreciate the irony. But sadly, eventhough the judges are immersed in the MEDIA industry, they don't know the existence of KRAUSER, shame on you! Aiyah, I think the judges are retarded to begin with so whatever.

(Hate Dick Lee. He's a dick hehehehehe and Florence is really a Lian. Don't know anything but act like know everything. Ken is arrogant and think he so damn good. BUT I respect that occasionally his comments are professional and made sense. Other than that, I think all three judges are RUDE and purposely try to mock and diss people because they think they are so funny and give entertainment value. Disgusting. Even American Idol isn't mean please.Singaporeans really over do things.)

And then I recently I also watched Survivor (just the last episode because I cannot be bothered with TV) AND OMG ASS TO THE MAX RUSSEL SHOULD HAVE WON. I was so upset, Russel was so upset UGHHH people are just sore losers and sometimes need to OPEN UP THEIR MINDS and see that the bad people have good in them and that eventhough russel betrayed everyone like siao and lie and deceive and manipulate and use people? HE DID IT FOR THE GAME. It is how you play the game! And they should stop taking it personally and give him the win because HE deserves it! Jaison is stupid because he said in real like "you would hate the Russel and you wouldnt want to let him win" OMG YOU CHILDISH BRAT IN REAL LIFE, YOUR PRIZE IS DEATH.
Idiot.

You die, you go to heaven or hell. So the point of the game of Life, is to do good things, live a purposeful life and ENJOY THE JOURNEY. In survivor, SCREW THE JOURNEY ONLY 1 MONTH WHAT, and you get a million dollars! Doesn't mean that Russel is a bad person! He just know what to do in the game! Wahlao! hate sore losers and people who take it personally. I AM SO UPSET FOR RUSSELLLLLL :( Russel I am officially your number 1 fan because I APPRECIATE THAT HOW YOU PLAYED THE GAME WAS AN ART MAN. WOOOAAHHH
hahahahahaha

shiz man my post is very long and I have chores to do but I really don't feel like doing them. I feel like eating. RAWR. I really feel like eating.SIGHZ it seems I am gaining weight even thought I cut down on my food.WTHHHH. And I have been exercising (though not as often as I want to)sigghhhh not enough! Must do more! RAWR.

Hokes is my favouritest boy in the world. That's why he's my boyfriend. Not the other way around. Yay! It seems I still cant wear that halter dress. Sad. I want to make custard tarts. Without growing fat. maybe give some to my aunts, cousins and hokes' family too. Hmm. I would give Jacob too. But he would never meet me. And Ryan but he's overseas. And other people but they are angry with me. TOO BAD. no yummy tarts for you! until you want to talk to me. because actually i am ok. HAHA. contradictory. Im ok if youre ok. OK! my mama is being annoying but I love my papa like crazy suddenly caz I thought he almost died. Sigh, it's so cute when your parents show you they love you. SEE. NO MATTER WHAT MUST RESPECT YOUR PARENTS. even if they are wrong and retarded. omg I really feel like eating tarts. See? this is how my train of thought travels.

I am weird.

Labels: Angry Bombs, Brother, Elle, fweedom, HELLO, Insanity, Jacob, Mum, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Questionable, Religion, ryan pwns asses, The Anarchist, The King, The Queen, Weird Shiz

...for someone that writes in a philosophical manner, your enlightenment seems to be a little low. Not meaning to put you down, instead I commend you for digging for depth in life.

Sincerely, I am happy that you've learned to not care about what people think. Honestly, again, as much as you've think you have changed, you haven't changed at all.

Still, you separate yourself from the rest, thinking that you are one of the very few that goes through what you go through, that you're getting the butt end of the deal. Tragically, it's untrue. Everybody has gone through the same problems when it comes with dealing with human beings. Be it in one form or another. Nobody is that different. Can you honestly say that you are nothing like the people you used to label as friends? Do you appreciate everything that is done for you? Do you dare to claim that you have not taken advantage or use somebody?

Lovingly, you cling on to your theories. And how tiresome it must be to filter everybody that you meet. Deciding who is good or bad. Judging really. By your standards, are you all good? But your comeback would be "nobody is 100% good." So how much good must a person be for you to be friends with? 60%? 70%?

Friend is a man made word? Definitely. Just like every other word. What else would have come up with it? Would it not be bullshit if Friend was expressed with hand gestures? Or if a dog came up with it? Maybe a rock would fit better. Rocks don't expect anything from you.

Honestly, third time again, if relationships fail you so much, why bother with a boyfriend? How do you know he is to stay? Or are you just waiting for him to disappear as well? How about your exclusive few? Do you expect them to love you back? Do you expect them to love you just as much? Or just loving you the tiniest bit be enough for you?

Eagerly, you look at everybody else and draw up your theories. Blindly, you forgot to look at yourself. Do you even live up to your theories? I'm not disagreeing with your theories. Neither am I agreeing. But I hope you won't be stubborn and be closed off. Do not treat them as they are black and white when they're all based on greys. Theories are just thoughts and not proven to be facts.

I just want to say again that I'm not dissing your opinions. I'm just poking holes at them to show you that it's not 100% truth. Stay grounded and not get caught up trying to figure your life out or you'll die trying.

I still love you, and I still call you friend. And I'm still Ben/Jerry/Whichever even if you don't wish to label me friend.


P.S. Friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, family, etc - they are all labels. Only the emotions are true. But the nouns make it easier to express how you feel about them.

Labels: Jacob, Paperbag, The Anarchist

Eventhough there are people out there who disagree with me regarding my theory, it makes me happy. I feel relieved that someone is fighting for this. But as jaded as I feel, there are exceptions.

I met up with Jtan for Starbucks. We were feeling a little off. I guess we needed it. We both kinda talked about this.

People are angry with it I know, my bad for dissing people's opinions. Whether I think it's a fanclub or not, I should just learn to accept people's opinions. It's a trait I'm trying to change.

But I just feel that, they're lucky? Or they just have a lot of faith. I myself told Jon Ho the other day point blank that I don't consider him a friend. Because it's a term used too loosely and I only have a few people in my life that I love. For those selected few, I'm willing to use it, though people abuse it much too many times.


Some people are lucky. They don't feel the betrayal. Or the superficiality. Or just the ugly things in life that lurks beneath every pretty thing. Maybe they're lucky they do have many friends that are good people.
Some people are strong. They believe in it and go all the way.


Then am I not lucky? Am I not strong? What do you do when your friends use you. What do you do when your friends leave you without looking back. What do you do when your friends aren't sincere in their friendship all along? Why does your husband sleep with your best friend? If love was a higher level of friendship, one that includes intimacy, why does divorce rates increase anyway? What do you do when your friends expect things from you. What happens when they don't appreciate the shit you do for them. I mean, if you step back and look at people. Really look. They don't need you. And you don't really need them.

I feel worn out, how do you maintain a faith in people, when you realised the friendship is based on all the wrong reasons? An attachment with people. You can go through so much shit with them and still have them not give a shit about you. Is it just me? Is it just how the dice rolled for me? That almost everyone isn't real. Except for that small select few. Then again, you cannot say. Only time will tell right? I'm young. How can I ever tell people will stick?

How do you feel if you've been a friend to people, done things for them, but they would rather do things for someone else. And not because that someone else was a better friend. Maybe he/she is prettier. Or more popular. Funnier. Richer. Fascinating.

Haven't you ever felt that way?

I'm sure at least one other person in the world did.

The people I love, I love. With hesitation. Sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting for them to disappear like everyone else. Already I feel so bummed Cas is going to Oz. I don't even wanna think about it. I just don't want to expect anything from people. I guess most of them like it. And still expect things from me. Expect my tolerance. Expect me to overlook things. "Oh I can treat her like shit, it's alright, we're friends!"

I want to demand a line to be drawn. I want to demand that you should never stoop to that level! But I don't want to expect things from people so I don't.


Which is why I still think it's a fan club. I still think it's a delusion. Look at the people falling out of love. They go "oh it's an infatuation. I got too caught up in it." Sometimes when you're in the situation, you can't see it. Maybe in the future, when you look back you can. But it's so hard to see it. People fall for it so many times. In love. In friendships. How can you ever tell that you're not deluded?

Isn't it best to just stop throwing yourself recklessly in it? It doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. I can just live with the acceptance, that people come and go. And when people leave, it's time. It doesn't mean I won't do all that I can. It doesn't mean that I don't give a shit. It just means I stop feeling so betrayed and hurt and angry. I stop being pissed off with the world.

I should be flipping Buddha. Detach myself from all worldly desires. Only then true happiness is achieved. Buddha preached it. Islam preached it. I shan't talk about the other religions. I only approve of true Buddhism and Islam. But Buddhism doesn't have a God so... there you go.

And I agree it with it. They also preached that it doesn't mean you can't enjoy life. Enjoy people and relationships. It doesn't mean you can't love people. Instead, they encouraged it. To make the best of it.

So why the misunderstanding? Do you feel you've done more for me than I've done for you? Do you feel obligated to love me? Be friends with me just because of what we've been through? I don't want that. People already hate their families because of the obligation love ties you with. I don't expect that. I understand that my family is different and they expect it from me. And you've seen how it made me despair. But I've accepted it. That there are bigger things. And it's alright.

I want to be a good person. I want to help everyone out equally. Even if you're across the world, and I don't know you, I want to comfort you. If your home is destroyed, I want to help you fix it.

I want to, I genuinely want to but I can't, so I just do what I can with the people around me. Why can't people do that too? Why can't people be nice? Stop judging? Stop being rude? Stop being selfish?

Just because I want to do things for everyone doesn't mean I love you less. Do you need me to love you more than everyone else because you do for me? Doesn't that make you feel like shit?

The select few of people I love I'm trying k? I'm doing what I can to spend time with you. To do things for you simply because I want you to be happy. I want to do it because I want to and not because you expect it out of me. I want the world to be void of one-sidedness. If you do things, just because you want someone to be happy, why would you feel it's one-sided? Like me? Why did I feel so upset. Because I loved that person and that person didn't love me. That's why. And I will move on and love what's left. So stop worrying that I love you less okay?

That I don't appreciate you or think you're a "friend". I just stopped believing in that term. But I never gave up on love. If you are upset about this, thank you. But don't be. There is no cause. If you are not, then carry on with your life. Because it doesn't concern you and because you don't care about me.

And it's alright.

Friends. The word itself is bullshit. There are no such things as friends. "Friends" is a word made up by man to believe that he is not alone in this world.
He is wrong and he is wrong.


He is never alone in this world. It is bullshit. Everyone will experience life. And on this planet, life means eventually meeting more than one human being (Or animal. Up to you). Thus, you are never alone you ignorant person you.

According to the dictionary.com this is its definition:



–noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. (initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.




I believe this affection/emotional attachment/regard is temporary. I feel that if you spend alot of time with someone (and that person must be at least a nice person) you will overtime develop an affection/liking with said person.

It's inevitable! So, wherever you go, you will (if you reach out and communicate) have friends!

There's a saying, "Strangers are just friends you don't know yet."

HOW TRUE! And how absolutely rubbish! The significance in the word "friends" have been totally and utterly lost. Or maybe, it was never there to begin with! We just made it up to make ourselves feel good because we have "friends". We have alot people who give a shit about us. We have alot of "friends". Which is why it's natural for someone to yearn for popularity and fame.


My theory is, in this world, there are no friends. There are good people and bad people.

Good people are considerate and kind by nature. They will help anyone in need and they are nice to all(even if it's only in the beginning). Until someone does something to make them dislike you, their niceties to you would severely decrease (but they would never murder you or anything of the sort). And if it's truly unbearable, they will just stay away from you, occasionally indulging in discussing your bad qualities to someone they trust the conversation with.

And bad people only care about themselves. Or are serial killers. Or are manipulative dictators. Period.


So all good people will eventually be "friends" as man have coined it, and bad people will take advantage of you, step on you, bring you down, manipulate you, just so he/she will rise above you.

And people who scream, "No! I do have friends! Real friends!" You are all deluded and are a part of the Friends Fan Club. Similar to people who are in love with love. Except that love exists and friends do not. That's why they're "in love" and not "in a fan club". Though infatuated people are often misled into believing it is love.

So the reason why friends come and go is because people come and go. If you tell me you've been friends with a person since childhood and that's an example of friends forever, you are mistaken. It's only because the person has not left. Which is why he/she is still "friends" with you. Get it?


Friends are people whom you are comfortable with that are created out of circumstance. You meet them, you know them, you befriend them. Once they're out of touch, they do not think about you everyday. No one in their right mind would. They only remember you when they remember you and they will be more willing to help out people they're currently more close to. Their "new friends".

Which is why I think it's bullshit. How unfair it is for someone to be biased like that? I do not like these people. I do not approve of what these "friends" do. I would rather you treat everyone around you equally. So if I'm not your "friend", you would not help out me at all? That is a very bad trait to have. I hate people with this trait.

I would cherish a good person more than a "friend". Well, obviously! I do not believe in friends! So if you are a good person, I will love you. And if you're a bad person, but you are my "friend", I hope you know where you stand in my life now.

Thank you.


♥ elle

Labels: Elle, Questionable, Quote, The Queen