helloooo people, if I can live with your ideals, get over mineee. And stop misinterpreting!

Come on, I am not turning into a robot. If ever, I'll most likely be more empathetic! Stop being the "mature" people thinking awww this girl is trying to be different when she's actually the same. Really, lame mentality.

Like I've replied an angry person's email, I KNOW I'm not the only one in this world facing shit OH MY GOD PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELVES THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME. Goodness? This is life, at some point of time, at some aspects in life, SOMEONE will have it worse than you at something. So I cannot be sad over my predicament? It's not as if I'm not getting over it? I am! Why are you guys so clogged up in your brains that you must stick to your ideals and your principles only? Be open minded, accept that people are different, people think differently. If I can accept you for who you are, then stop being a bitch to me?


For all the harping about "look at yourself" don't look at others, the entire point of the post is that I HAVE. I want to STOP JUDGING (don't you read? I really do question your intelligence now) I want to be a GOOD PERSON and it's okay that there are people with flaws! I do my best to be a better person everyday, and that is what counts. I appreciate things that are done for me and if I don't or forget to, and you find it offensive, TELL ME LIKE HOW I TELL YOU. And if you don't find an issue with it, then be happy that you made me happy! Stop playing these stupid childish games!


Like I've said countless times, I judge people. you judge people. EVERYONE will form impressions in their minds about people but ACTION IS KEY. I want to STOP acting on my judgments and I hope that the world would see the same. That though you judge, you are open-minded enough to give the person the benefit of the doubt, that they might change or actually have an amazing trait lurking beneath the nonsense that you've not seen.


I will not be friends with ANYONE. Understand? No 50% no 60% and all that bs. Goodness me. I respond to your actions(good or bad, if you are a bad person, I AM SURE I WILL RESPOND POSITIVELY TO YOUR 1% GOOD ACTION I am pretty sure you're human not satan), and I WILL BE a friend, in terms of action. I will not stand by and watch you fall or deliberately ruin your life or be heartless or be a robot. I am NOT pushing people away you retards! PEOPLE LIKE YOU make me want to push people away but I DONT. It is precisely that humans are all greys and not black and white, that's why I am a friend to everyone. Whether you take drugs, or stole a car, or bitch about people, or cheat on your lover, or are selfish, or have sex with anyone, even animals, I. Don't. Care.

What I don't want is to call you MY FRIEND. Because people like you, have to harp on it like crraaaaazzzaaayyy. I would have a relationship with you YES, it's impossible to not have a relationship with someone unless you've never met the person. Just the KIND of relationship, it would not be friendship. It would be purely based on actions on the spot.


And with regards to my exclusive few, I love you and I don't give a shit what you think about me even though I'm feeling abit of retardation from all of you. I DONT CARE. I dont care if you don't love me anymore, I don't care if you do. I love you because I love you and I do things because I love you FULLSTOP.

I don't expect anything from you SO DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM MEEEEEE BETCHEZ. I am already being the best person I possibly can, yes I make mistakes and I accept my mistakes and rectify them if I knew them and knew how.

I would not be making up theories if I don't abide to them myself. SERIOUSLY, I'm not an idiot. And I don't IMPOSEEEEE my theories on you. Okay? So please get over yourselves and your ideals because it's starting to look like you think you're the better person and your theories are the only right theories and I can't have mine.

Of course my theories can have holes poked if I don't explain it well(and theories are theories not facts), I can't, it's hard for me to express myself in words, I don't have that gift, but why don't you open up your mind a little and try to see it from how I'm seeing it, because I DO KNOW HOW YOU SEE IT and I understand WHY you see it that way and I ACCEPT IT that you want to believe in it.


Like flipping religion, I can see why Christians love Jesus to death and Buddhists believe in karma and bla bla bla. It's not that I don't read up about it, I know! You've told me all about your flipping religion! And I see where you're coming from and I accept it, I just choose not to believe in it!


I don't want nouns to express how I feel about you, unless it's something like family (DNA will kick your ass trying to deny it)or boyfriend or girlfriend (THERE IS SOMETHING WRONGGG with your r/s if you don't want a status because these are steps before marriage, BEFORE FAMILY, the commitment needs to be there)

But friends? The commitment DOES NOT need to be there. There is no ties. You're speaking up for me Jacob, like the rest of you. There is no ties. ONLY LOVE. Friends does not equal love! LOVE IS LOVEEE. Because I have you in my personal regard, because I LOVE YOU, I WILL be there for you I WILL have a commitment to YOU. okay? And it is not easy to love someone so NO I DO NOT LOVE EVERYONE. (And if you don't love your family and boyfriend or girlfriend then it sucks to be you)

So NOOOOO god I just don't believe in friends, get over it, if I don't love you, TOO BADDD I am sure someone else does (You still have family you whiny ass) and if I do, WOW GOOD FOR YOU. one more person in your life loves you, don't you feel loveddddd?


Basically I will be the same person my actions are the same, IF you had not known and read this post, YOU WOULD FIND NO SIGNIFICANT CHANGE IN ME, the only thing that has changed is my PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE. so why are you finding an ISSUEEEEE with me?
I am THIS sort of person, a person who analyses things and I do it because I find it important, you have your own set of things important to you and I have mind.
I find it important because it defines my purpose and how I feel and perceive about life, the journey that I AM TAKINGGG NOT YOUUUU LALALA HELLO HELLO WAKE UP. STOP SHAKING ME CAZ I AM AWAKE.


Look at the gazillion people in my life whom I call friends. Really, wont you find it more offensive that I consider an insignificant person friends and you friends when youre more significant to me?
So what I do, I do, because I care in some way but to hell with friends. I do it not because "it's what friends should do." screw that okay? Everything I do MEANS something, and in your point of view you would call it "friendship"

I don't. Okay? I call it love. Personal regard. Whatever. Different people, different degree of regard. GET OVER ITTTT.

Stop trying to show me that I am wrong and yet tell me at the same time "there is no right and wrong" YOU look who's doing the judging. hypocritical bunch of shits leh all of you! wahlao! Must bombard me for what I believe in? I am so disappointed in all of you! haha and I don't really care if you're disappointed in me or son't want to be friends with me. like everything else in life, I can live with it and I can move on. Just because I can, does not mean I am a robot and you are such wonderful empathetic human beings. Fuck off.

NOW, I want to talk about my day hahahaha. Hmm I watched Detroit Metal City, the first few episodes of the anime and OMG SO FUNNAYYY HAHAHAHA-

eh wait, I forget to tell Jacob I love him too eventhough he always think he's better than me and everyone and drive me crazy. See? I told you. I love means I love forever AIYO LEAVE ME ALONE LAH. No "friends" to love me also never mind. My family does and hopefully a future husband to have a family with. TADA! Happiness. Hehehehahaha.-

OKAY continue. Anyway remember Singapore Idol? the third season (latest one) there was this dude in long blonde hair and costume and face painting I JUST WATCHED DETROIT METAL CITY SO NOW THEN I REALISED WHO KRAUSER IS HAHAHAHAHA

You see, in Detroit Metal City, Krauser is this crazy metal screamo guy, lead singer of a screamo metal band. BUT this guy accidentally joined that band, he thought it would be a lovey dovey meaningful soft melodious tunes kinda band. BECAUSE HE IS ACTUALLY that kinda of person! But the sad thing is that he is good at being metal screamo and his love songs SUCKSSSS. Hahahaha! And everytime the anime shows him trying to sing love songs he looks soooo retarded and gay and mushy BAHAHAHA

So, my point is, Krauser on SG Idol I SALUTE YOUUUU. The irony is BEAUTIFULLL how you dress like that and purposely sing a love song hahahaha THE JUDGES ARE STUPID. Your voice isn't that bad and you should make it through and they should appreciate the irony. But sadly, eventhough the judges are immersed in the MEDIA industry, they don't know the existence of KRAUSER, shame on you! Aiyah, I think the judges are retarded to begin with so whatever.

(Hate Dick Lee. He's a dick hehehehehe and Florence is really a Lian. Don't know anything but act like know everything. Ken is arrogant and think he so damn good. BUT I respect that occasionally his comments are professional and made sense. Other than that, I think all three judges are RUDE and purposely try to mock and diss people because they think they are so funny and give entertainment value. Disgusting. Even American Idol isn't mean please.Singaporeans really over do things.)

And then I recently I also watched Survivor (just the last episode because I cannot be bothered with TV) AND OMG ASS TO THE MAX RUSSEL SHOULD HAVE WON. I was so upset, Russel was so upset UGHHH people are just sore losers and sometimes need to OPEN UP THEIR MINDS and see that the bad people have good in them and that eventhough russel betrayed everyone like siao and lie and deceive and manipulate and use people? HE DID IT FOR THE GAME. It is how you play the game! And they should stop taking it personally and give him the win because HE deserves it! Jaison is stupid because he said in real like "you would hate the Russel and you wouldnt want to let him win" OMG YOU CHILDISH BRAT IN REAL LIFE, YOUR PRIZE IS DEATH.
Idiot.

You die, you go to heaven or hell. So the point of the game of Life, is to do good things, live a purposeful life and ENJOY THE JOURNEY. In survivor, SCREW THE JOURNEY ONLY 1 MONTH WHAT, and you get a million dollars! Doesn't mean that Russel is a bad person! He just know what to do in the game! Wahlao! hate sore losers and people who take it personally. I AM SO UPSET FOR RUSSELLLLLL :( Russel I am officially your number 1 fan because I APPRECIATE THAT HOW YOU PLAYED THE GAME WAS AN ART MAN. WOOOAAHHH
hahahahahaha

shiz man my post is very long and I have chores to do but I really don't feel like doing them. I feel like eating. RAWR. I really feel like eating.SIGHZ it seems I am gaining weight even thought I cut down on my food.WTHHHH. And I have been exercising (though not as often as I want to)sigghhhh not enough! Must do more! RAWR.

Hokes is my favouritest boy in the world. That's why he's my boyfriend. Not the other way around. Yay! It seems I still cant wear that halter dress. Sad. I want to make custard tarts. Without growing fat. maybe give some to my aunts, cousins and hokes' family too. Hmm. I would give Jacob too. But he would never meet me. And Ryan but he's overseas. And other people but they are angry with me. TOO BAD. no yummy tarts for you! until you want to talk to me. because actually i am ok. HAHA. contradictory. Im ok if youre ok. OK! my mama is being annoying but I love my papa like crazy suddenly caz I thought he almost died. Sigh, it's so cute when your parents show you they love you. SEE. NO MATTER WHAT MUST RESPECT YOUR PARENTS. even if they are wrong and retarded. omg I really feel like eating tarts. See? this is how my train of thought travels.

I am weird.

Labels: Angry Bombs, Brother, Elle, fweedom, HELLO, Insanity, Jacob, Mum, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Questionable, Religion, ryan pwns asses, The Anarchist, The King, The Queen, Weird Shiz

Holy turds I haven't been updating my blog in ages. Haven't talked to Ryan and Jacob in ages too. Awww the spaces between us are wider! Even I've been neglecting Hokes (sorry dear) just get caught up in things and well it's just taxing to finish everything in the weekdays just so I can have the weekends untouched and for Hokes and only Hokes. I really do love spending the entire day uninterrupted with him :)

So really, I would prefer anything else to just be slot on a weekday tyvm :)

Time flies and gosh it's 2 weeks to common tests. SHITS. Serious lack of time now. It seems I cannot decide whether I want to be alone in school or not. People (or person in fact) have been sticking to me in lectures and leeching off my reputation and I DON'T LIKE. I hate being used but then again, work needs to be done and I need help, so I cannot be a loner as much as I would like to be.

WAI DONT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?


So okay, everyone else is being cooperative (goooood gooooood very gooooooood!!!) they established a nice "hi-bye" relationship with me, which I like caz I don't really wanna "talk and have fun" with you in lectures. I actually wanna listen and be in my own little world. SO IT'S GOOD! Thank you rest-of-the-world! But this particular person keeps sms-ing me whether I'll be going for lectures and basically stalking me because he wants to sit with me in lectures so he won't look like a loser. I RESENT THAT HELLO. Firstly, your reputation is bad. Nobody likes you and you sticking with me? It makes people think that the only friends I have, is you. And you like that because my reputation is well, I'm not popular, but people certainly know me. so... NO, you aint rolling with me boy.

But then again, I don't mind actually, I mean I'll be your friend, if you are a person worth being friends with, I would. But since you are just using my reputation? I'm gonna play your game. AINT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN BITCH. So, from being indifferent to my reputation, since you do care, I'm gonna care and make sure you don't get what you want (and destroy my rep at the same time)

Plus, you are disgusting. Stop staring at my boobs! SPEAK TO THE FACE! the fat face but face nonetheless!

Besides all of that, this particular person is being less repulsive (if that is even possible) this year, he's been reading psychology/self-help books AND NOT UNDERSTANDING IT because his English sucks but have been discussing it with me (and I like this kinda stuff) so I'll explain them to him. I. Am. Such. A. Nice. Person.
Lmao, and no I'm not being conceited. I'm trying to make myself believe in that so that I'll actually turn out to be a nice person! Get it? Hahhaahaha.


My mum's friends are so annoying and wonderful and annoying AND NOT FAIR they keep buying her stuff, like bags and clothes and it's so wtf-ing. I do not understand the concept of it all(?????) but well this is how the dice rolled for her so okay. One of her friends wanted to give her a Guess bag (FOR GOD'S SAKE GIVE MEEEE) and told her if she didn't like it, she can give it to me! (PLEASE HATE IT PLEASEEE) hahahaha I guess God is compensating her for having such a horrid daughter. Sorry mum. But it is afterall my life. But hey! I'm doing my best to make you happy!

Mum has like what? 5 bags given as gifts from her friends? and countless clothes and scarves. RAWR. Sorry, I don't have sincere friends that would give me gifts because they have too much money and because they love me. The friends who do love me mostly dont have too much money.

I'm still wondering what I'm supposed to do with 21.
Oh if you don't know what 21 is. Here you go.


Mission name: 21
Objectives: Live your life.


So basically at 21, I'm gonna stop letting mum force me to do things. Of course I want to be an air stewardess but... I don't see it happening without mum disowning me. Sigh... what a depressing topic.
Anyway! basically my plan is that at 21, I'll begin this transition where I'll do things without asking her permission, but merely informing her in advance what I'm gonna do.


WHICH IS BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS BTW PPL! I'm not a prisoner afterall! So I'll begin like going out as and when I like. (I predict a huge fight will explode from this) But I will persevere and CONDITION her to get used to me LIVING MY LIFE. I will stay over at people's house as and when I want to (don't worry, I respect my parents enough to make sure they're either family or close girlfriends) I will keep my curfew at 12 midnight. And I will go overseas with my friends and no one can stop me. NO ONE. OKAY?

I want to live, really live before I'm tied down with responsibilities like a stable job and a family (like children and all that) I lived my life for you all these while! It's time to live for ME. I'm so sorry that our ideals clash and our lifestyles are vastly different but it doesn't give you any right to puppet me!


yay!
I will go through with this, I want this so bad and I love my parents (grudgingly) I do, so I want them to be happy but I MUST TEACH THEM TO BE HAPPY WITH ME. With the real me...



Anyway, CHRISTMAS IS AROUND THE CORNERRRRR!!! So exciting, but yeah yeah I know as a Muslim you're not supposed to celebrate this stuffs. Aww. But I don't believe in it doesn't mean I can't enjoy the festive feel, right..? I'm not doing traditional stuffs, I don't give presents and eat turkey and all that jazz so it's alright right?
TOTALLY LOVEEEE the decoration and lights and it feels so magical and fantasy like ooooohhh, the atmosphere is nais. :D but man life is such a bitch how they celebrate christmas and chinese new year on a much grander scale. DAMN YOUS. so unfair! If Deepavali is the festival of lights YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE LIGHTS EVERYWHERE THAN CHRISTMAS!!! I can totally think up a good mood and atmosphere for Deepavali. And Hari Raya? Go traditional! DAMNNN we have such good cultures STOP WESTERNIZING IT'S SO GAY AND WANNABE-ISH so embarrassing!

But well Singapore is LIKE THAT, damn retarded I still can't make up my mind whether to migrate or not, I love the country but the people? DAMNNNN. Hahaha

Wow, my ideal Christmas would be bright beautiful decorations, especially a giant christmas tree, warm fireplace AND IT WILL BE SNOWING OUTSIDE HOW MAGICALLL IT MAKES YOU WANNA BELIEVE IN SANTAAAAA but santa doesnt exist so no I don't believe in santa, nor christmas DOESNT MAKE IT ANYLESS EXCITING!

It's about setting the mood! Man, maybe I should be an events planner! Hahahaha ok maybe not >.>

And ew I'm blabbing too much!



Ughhhh gotta document my life down, words are so important to me. It can make or break a legend, words live forever if there is someone to read it! (and understand it) so despite having a life and being busy, I shall make an effort to pen down my thoughts on a more regular basis. Till next time! Be nice!

Labels: Elle, HELLO, Insanity, Mum, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, Religion, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

The BFF is over at my placeeeee.

haha she's stealing my pretty letter writing pads and writing letters randomly to random people and watching awesome songs on youtube by Andy McKee and Antoine Dufour and I'm letting her listen to PaperBag's songs and she's waiting for Sleeping Beauty to be done streaming so we can watch it (YES, we are in Disney Mood) I have OneRepublic on iTunes and we're singing along to it while she's on her phone with her BF, while mine is in the JUNGLEEEEE this very moment, I hope he's okay :/

Spent the last 3 days with Hokes, yay! :) I have a huge reserve of happy juice to last me till next week :) So I think I'll be fine :) :)

OMG Cassandra is being weird.

OMG I am disturbed.









AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



KHALISAH IS WEIRDER.










Cass said that.




Okay. I think I lost my mood to blog.
Heh.
I shall blog about philosophical musings and religion in my next post.
:)
I like Uztaz Zulkeflee. :) He's the guy whom my Dad learnt from before he converted.
I shall blog about him nexttt.


Time for Oreos!

Labels: Elle, HELLO, Insanity, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Questionable, Random Mandoms, The Queen, Weird Shiz

Now, I know I haven't been blogging, and I know you know why. (I hope)

And a big welcome to Jacob, who will also be a contributor to this blog. Since Ryan is MIA and rarely blogs anyway, and since I will be on a hiatus very soon, due to my term tests, I shall magnanimously allow The Anarchist, Jacob, to entertain you in my absence.


I apologise for my rant in the previous post on the previous blog because I was feeling angsty, as usual, as most people my age get. I was just miffed about the way I was being treated in school, I feel like I'm being blamed for something I shouldn't be guilty about, and everyone is angry with me eventhough till today, I justly feel that no one has the right to be.


This will be my last post until the term break starts (I know I say this, but who knows, my finger might itch and you'd see another post up by me) so I shall make this long and satisfying (for me, not you.)

I've just returned from two big events, of which I have ALOT ALOT of stuff to say.





3 days.
1 camp.
And one of the most memorable experiences in life




My Spartan redcampers I LOVE YOU GUYS VERY MUCH, thank you for making my time spent in REDCamp5 so memorable, so wonderful, and so very much fun.
You guys are craaaazzy!
Seriously, you guys are barking mad. You cheer like a buncha psychos, one of you kept pinching my fat cheeks before biting it (OH MY GAWD) and I know I suck at the Chuckie game because all of you gang up against me to SABOTAGE ME of which, me being awesome and all, totally forgave you.
You make me do forfeits and I know I still owe you guys one more forfeit but I'll do it the next time you see me kay?!

Post Redcamp activities :) You'll see me there.




I heard on Matt's blog that you guys wanted one on Saturday? I'm sorry, but I have my aunt's wedding to help out, so I can't be there on Sat.

AWWWWWW
:(


It's awesome with you guys, I TOTALLY CAME UP WITH THE SPARTAN WAVE and it's so cool and amazing if you guys could see yourselves it was like whooooo!
Hahahahaha :D

And the Spartans OEI was awesome too especially when you guys go "We. Are. Spartans." AND EVERYTHING WAS DAMN SYNCRONISED how cool was that?!

Not forgetting, our signature clap, of which Miranda came up with, so credits should go to her :D

One screensaver clap!
claps~ *(O_O)*


Utterly adorable! And you guys freezed together, it was BEAUTIFUL watching you.
Thank you once again, for making me smile and omg I know about 80 of you added me on Facebook, and I was so WOAH about it, I tried replying to most of your comments on my wall, but unfortunately I'm gonna take a hiatus from everything to focus on my studies, so I won't be replying anyone for quite awhile.

Unfortunately, as fun the 3 amazing days were, where we bonded and the Spartan spirit flared in everyone, resulting in Spartans claiming the best tribe in Day 2 and also The Most Impactful Tribe in the Armageddon Award during the finale, the camp have to come to an end, and while you guys enjoy your holidays, I have ALL THE NONSENSE to catch up with xD

During the 3 days, I was so exhausted everyday, walking up and down, facilitating, making sure things runs smoothly, and minimizing the amount of time you guys feel bored(especially while waiting to move off to the cluster programs) by screaming cheers until I SLAM, according to Matt, Sound Like A Man -.- I was so afraid that me being exhausted would make you guys sian but it was all worth it because you guys rocked the house! Everywhere I go, to the RedBlog, or RedPeople Facebook, I see Spartans Spartans Spartans!

YAY!

We all went hyper together and Spartans are officially SIAO.


WHEEEEEEE!!!

♥Spartans♥RedCamp5♥







Anyway, after the entire awesomeness of RedCamp, I had to help out in my aunt's marriage the next day, which was exhausting, and I was so tired and cranky, especially when I woke up late and realised that my aunt and cousin disappeared and I had to make their beds?

Wth?

All the nonsense saigang work.



Sigh, I don't like these kinda stuff, where there isn't a proper plan or time line to stick too, and everything is all over the place, it really puts me off and makes me too lazy to bother doing anything about it.

I hate being tired and cranky. Meh. Must be the post RedCamp blues + exhaustion.
But in the end, my aunt looked gorgeous :)

I had to cancel an outing with Cass and XT because of this, awwww, but it can't be helped. And next weekend too, because that's when the celebrations would take place, in JB. Gosh, MY WEEKENDS ARE GONE.

I really need more time in a day really.



And doncha think Jacob is ridiculously hilarious?







-14196
Fairytales are more than true not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
-G.K. Chesterton

Labels: Arrival, Elle, HELLO, Jacob, The Queen