Lady Gaga's Paparazzi is suddenly speaking to me in volumes. Hahaha I watched her music video and loved it. She's so weird. Recently watched an interview and the interviewer asked her about her love life. She shooked her head and went," Nope. No nah-uh." and when he tried to probe deeper, she looked around and said," Can we just stick to my music? Please?"
Hahaha THANK YOU thank for being so painfully honest. Even though it calls for awkward situations but like her, I've also learned from life, screw awkward situations. Even if I am put in one, no one will make me feel awkward without my consent!
Had a conversation about this with Cass Lee recently and we regret holding back in our lives. Now we say what we mean and mean what we say and god I feel liberated. It feels good to not care what people think about you. And more often than not, being honest equals less complications which is just the way I like it.
I mean look. It's true now I'm all antisocial not hanging out with people and I deliberately keep to myself and don't indulge in small talk to "make friends" and it's perfectly alright.
:)
I'm not gonna pretend I know you very well. I'm not gonna pretend I know many people and are close to many people. I'm not gonna pretend I'm popular and well loved. I KNOW I'm not such a hideous person that everyone hates me. I KNOW I get along fine with alot of people. I KNOW people might get irritated with me and it's okay.
I mean, this image thing is getting too out of hand. It's like high school. All this politics and sticking with friends and pretending you're close to someone and what what what whaaaaat?
Hahahaha. If everyone hated me right now I think I would embrace it with open arms caz I love myself so much right now, dammit ryan, your influence is too strong! Ryan is a narcissist by the way :)
The people I love should know by now I love yous even though I don't consistently express it. I'm shy like that. The people I'm not close to, or just casual friends with, I'm perfectly fine with you too.
I think everyone actually appreciates me being solo in lab because I KNOW you don't really wanna talk to me. You, like me, just wanna do your FYP in routined peace and it actually feels good. You don't have to crack your heads to think of what to say in a feeble attempt at small talks. GOD I AM SO CONSIDERATE EVERYONE LOVE ME NOW.
HAHAHAHA EW I AM SO UP MYSELF EW RYAN EW EW EEEEEEEEEWWW this is your doing :D
I feel like I'm less dependant on friends now. I've become more introverted. Somehow friends became such a shallow word. I cannot refer to anyone I know as friends, because to me, a friend is... well a friend. Like really you've been a true friend kinda friend. But it feels kinda cold to call you an acquaintance haha but you know what I mean. I finally understood my 3rd aunt too. I don't need friends actually. It's not a need. I mean, many people can be your "friend". Your cousin can be your friend. Your relatives, siblings anyone in your family can be a friend. So... friends. Friends come and go and some people are good ones and some suck at being friends.
I think it's the thought that counts? If you look carefully in your life, alot of your friends actually take advantage of you. You may feel like that person is so important to you but they may not feel the same way back. I used to love my friends to death. Everyone whether we're close or not. I appreciate them. Now I don't. Because they don't. So when you need me, I'll be there for you, it's the most human thing to do. But if I lose you? I can live with it.
It's not that I don't cherish friendship anymore. I do. And I will put in effort to maintain all my (real) friendships. It's just that I have come to terms with and accept that there is a possibility where the day comes when we're no longer friends and I'm able to move on and live with it. Like someone once told me, Friends come and go. It doesn't mean I don't give a rat's ass about friendships anymore you know? There's a difference. I hope none of you will misunderstand and I hope it won't change the state of our current friendship.
And also, this introverted-don't-talk-to-people thing? It's a phase or mood or whatever name you'd like to give it. It'll pass and suddenly I feel like partying and being a social butterfly again. Actually, if you put me in a situation where I HAVE to socialise, I think I'd still do a decent job at it. It's just that given a choice, I like to do my work in peace :D And not wander around, sit next to a random and ask how's your FYP going along. Or ask people to have dinner with me caz I'm bored or something like that that I used to do.
Haha I see my posts have been rather long and wordy. It's a mood really (:
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake, "Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season" Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes Like they have any right at all to criticize, Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands And breathe, just breathe, Oh breathe, just breathe
May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss "Just a day," he said down to the flask in his fist, "Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year." And here in town you can tell he's been down for a while, But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles, Wanna hold him. maybe I'll just sing about it.
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, boys So cradle your head in your hands, And breathe, just breathe Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout 'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out and These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again If you only try turning around.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd 'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button, now Sing it if you understand, and breathe, just breathe oh breathe, just breathe, oh breathe, just breathe, oh breathe, just breathe
And, here are the lyrics to she is love by parachute VA.
OH! Lovedrunk by Boys like Girls is pretty fucking rad too!
Lataaaaaaaaah.
I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around, But she takes it all for me. And I lost my faith, in my darkest days, But she makes me want to believe.
They call her love, love, love, love, love. They call her love, love, love, love, love. She is love, and she is all I need.
She's all I need.
Well I had my ways, they were all in vain, But she waited patiently. It was all the same, all my pride and shame, And she put me on my feet.
They call her love, love, love, love, love. They call her love, love, love, love, love. They call her love, love, love, love, love. She is love, and she is all I need.
And when that world slows down, dear. And when those stars burn out, here. Oh she'll be here, yes she'll be here, They call her love, love, love, love, love. They call her love, love, love, love, love. They call her love, love, love, love. love.
She is love, and she is all I need, She is love, and she is all I need, She is love, and she is all I need.
I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fuckin scared of him.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Liiiiiiiiiiiike seriously. how dead is this blog? *insert bitchy tone*
Anyway since Jacob's in the army and Elle just refuses to blog..or. idk.
I'm gonna blog.
I don't exactly have anything on mind right now that I feel like the world needs to know of. BUT, here's an awesome song! I love the funky beats and the chorus makes me wanna get off my seat to dance!
If there's a chance to make it Either way I'll take it to be by her side To swim in her affection, bathe in her attention Could she be mine?
Can I look through into her eyes, into her disguise? Does she see me, how can I make her realise She takes me to higher ground, And I'll never come back down If I had a moment I'd show her all that we could have
But we're still strangers, but we're still strangers
Do you know I'm waiting? Right here for the taking I'll play my part Don't leave me out here stranded with a love abandoned This could be a start
Can I look through into your eyes, into your disguise? Do you see me, how can I make you realise You take me to higher, She takes me to higher ground, And I'll never come back down If I had a moment I'd show her all that we could have
But we're still strangers, I'm falling for you If I had my way You'd be in my arms.
I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head. Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread. Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue. Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young.
I'm just a stranger, even to myself. A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf. Don't be a fool girl, tell him you love him. Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him.
I never thought I could love anyone but myself. Now I know I can't love anyone but you. You make me think that maybe I won't die alone. Maybe I won't die alone.
Kiss the boys as they walk by, call me their baby. But little do they know, I'm just a maybe. Maybe my baby will be the one to leave me sore. Maybe my baby will settle the score.
I never thought I could love anyone but myself. Now I know I can't love anyone but you. You make me think that maybe I won't die alone. Maybe I won't die alone.
What have I become? Something soft and really quite dumb. Because I've fallen, oh, 'cuz I've fall-fallen, oh 'cuz I've fall-fall-fallen So far away from the place where I started from.
I never thought I could love anyone. I never thought I could love anyone. I never thought I could love anyone, But you, but you, but you, but you, but you But you make me think that maybe I won't die alone. Maybe I won't die alone.
There was a new girl in town She had it all figured out Well I'll state something rash She had the most amazing... smile.
I bet you didn't expect that She made me change my ways With eyes like a sunset, baby And legs that went on for days
I'm falling in love But it's falling apart I need to find my way back to the start When we were in love Things were better than they are Let me back into... Into your arms. Into your arms.
She made her way to the bar I tried to talk to her But she seemed so far Out of my league I had to find a way to get her next to me
I'm falling in love But it's falling apart I need to find my way back to the start When we were in love Things were better than they are Let me back into... Into your arms. Into your arms.
Oh she's slipping away I always reach when I'm thinking of words to say Oh the things she does Make it seem like love Just a game And I like the way we play
I'm falling in love But it's falling apart. I need to find my way back to the start
When we were in love Things were better than they are Let me back into... Into your arms Into your arms.
Leave me out with the waste This is not what I do It's the wrong kind of place To be thinking of you It's the wrong time For somebody new It's a small crime And I've got no excuse
Is that alright with you? Give my gun away when it's loaded Is that alright with you? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it Is that alright with you? Give my gun away when it's loaded Is that alright with you? With you...
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth, that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew.
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face.
If you feel like running today You know I’d understand You don’t but you long
It’s easier to get away When on the other hand You know I’m not much better without you I’m like your victim and all that you need is an alibi Its one thing about you I don’t wanna make you cry
Damn girl Dry your eyes You stole my heart and then you kicked it aside No girl you can’t see When he’s inside you know there’s no room for me
If you can take a chance Find you that better man A life seize from your quick disease You’re giving all my loving away Tell me to understand Cuz you know I’m not much better without you Ill press your lips and I taste everyone that you’ve had tonight Its one thing about you I don’t wanna taste tonight
Damn girl Dry your eyes You stole my heart and then you kicked it aside No girl you can’t see When he’s inside you know there’s no room for me And I used to think that I was all you would need
If you feel like running today you know I’d understand.
remember when we never had to remember when times were better than this.
The door was always open But still not nearly enough to let me in and my eyes are wide awake, And i can see you clearly, but you don't stand out one bit. I was always loud enough just for you to hear me You never caught the wind Now watch me break Breakdown this time, this time again
But I don't know the way out of this mess No, I don't know the way out of this mess And if you would've seen me at my best Would it have changed anything at all?
And I'm still waiting for a sign Or just a win-win situation Can I hear it one more time? Without the sound of devastation setting in
Your initial reply hit me undercover When I lost my head to it It was out of its time, it was undiscovered When you let me in Oh, won't you let me in?
we used to leave the blue lights on and there was a beat ever since you have been gone it’s all caffeine-free and faux punk fatigues said it all before they try to kick it, their feet fall asleep yet no harm done no none of them want to fight me
combat baby come back baby fight off the lethargy don’t go quietly combat baby said you would never give up easy combat baby come back
get back in town I wanna paint it black I wanna get around easy living crowd so flat said it all before they try to kick it, their feet fall asleep I want to be wrong but No one here wants to fight me like you do
combat baby come back baby fight off the lethargy don’t go quietly combat baby said you were never gonna give up easy combat baby come back
I try to be so nice Compromise Who gets it good? Every mighty mild seventies child Every mighty mild seventies child Beats me
Do do doo do do doo do do doo doo do doo(x2)
Combat baby come back baby Combat baby come back Bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye baby Combat baby come back
how I miss your ranting do you miss my all time lows
It's a strange out of body feeling. Maybe I'll blog about what happened. Maybe I won't. All I know is that everything is fucking up around me, and I can't feel a thing. Except a pang of sadness. But nothing more.
I have been very bitchy to guys adding me on msn and they want to meet up and those typical shit. Lawl. Erm, oops? Here is one of the conversations to amuse you.
Session Start: Monday, 29 December, 2008
i hate you.(me@hotmail.com) breaking mortal bonds(the_idiot@hotmail.com) (emails have been changed to protect the privacy of parties involved)
(12:56 AM) breaking mortal: hey i was wondering
(12:56 AM) i hate you.: ?
(12:56 AM) breaking mortal: yea getting there if u were there! haha no la i was wondering if ud could meet up tomorrow well at least u won b meeting someone u hate
(12:59 AM) i hate you.: will be busy tmr
(12:59 AM) breaking mortal: ok how abt tuesday
(1:00 AM) i hate you.: dont think im comfortable with meeting up.
(1:00 AM) breaking mortal: r u sure u don seem to have thought this through ok this is final one time offer... how abt wednesday
(1:01 AM) i hate you.: dont have to. i'm instinctive. and no.
(1:01 AM) breaking mortal: whahaha well k im gonna give u a few days for ur instincts to recover........ all the best....
(1:02 AM) i hate you.: oh well.
(1:02 AM) breaking mortal: haha im logging off! u sure u don wanna change ur mind
(1:05 AM) i hate you.: dont see why should i
(1:05 AM) breaking mortal: well...... ahhhh ok fine ill give u ur few days to recover b y e k i know shy why* im just like this impossibly nice guy that u'll go home smiling and thinking... "man this world still has hope' other than that i cant say.... ma mum told me to be humble sorry
(1:18 AM) i hate you.: that's. the most retardedly cheesy desperate last min feeble attempt to save god knows what, i've ever heard
(1:18 AM) breaking mortal: what!!! ok u need more than i few days that is the most sincere light hearted good natured attempt to cure u that ur gonna get anyway i heard ip man is damn good if ma sis watched a kung fu film and loved it it has to be really good u feel like watching it? i got the show downloaded i cud send it to u
(1:22 AM) i hate you.: ok, i am going through shit in my life. and currently? i dont care what people think about me. because i already have my social circles who loves me. so i'll be honest here, and borderline bitchy. i'm a stranger, you met on the net. you dont even know me. and youre coming off as desperate, ans your pick line? needs lotsa work. i dont know what youre trying to do, and i honestly? dont really care. why should i? i just fell out with a boy* and i clearly have brains enough to know which personality i like. currently, you are not it.
*(content altered for personal reasons)
(1:22 AM) breaking mortal: im not desperate im attached too.....!!! well sort of just had a temp break up too!!! wow same
(1:23 AM) i hate you.: that's even more retarded
(1:23 AM) breaking mortal: u now while ma gf takes time to think about things
(1:23 AM) i hate you.: ok. so why so you wanna meet up with me? *do
(1:24 AM) breaking mortal: well i thought.. in the meantime, well y not just some gal out treat her to a movie and have dinner or something and make someone happy... and maself too maybe....
(1:25 AM) i hate you.: not. interested.
(1:25 AM) breaking mortal: take a girl out i meant okay its just an interesting one time meet.... if u change ur mind just sms me at ******** eh sorry its ******** i meant ******** ok la all are not ma numbers but seriously in sorry meant ur nicks have been telling a bad story now just tonight i really thought ud have laughed at least once throughout all this did expect to tick u off instead ok slamat tinggal..... and life's big..... er than anyone just curious u reli didn't laugh at all???? not even once? or smile?
(1:29 AM) i hate you.: nope.
(1:29 AM) breaking mortal: man i suck
(1:29 AM) i hate you.: amazing, isnt it?
(1:29 AM) breaking mortal: ya geez i need to improve my sense of humour u must b in a really bad mood
(1:30 AM) i hate you.: perhaps. actually no, i'm in an average mood.
(1:30 AM) breaking mortal: okay then.... hope to catch u in a better than average mood..... while ma supposed like partner does her thinking still hahaha chao
[Edit: Texas is the fattest state in America. Just so you know.] [2nd Edit: By fattest state, I mean it has the most cases of obese individuals. Not it's geographical size whatsoever. I mean, come on, yall ain't that stupid right?]
Studying makes you eat alot. It's 5.44am. BCHEM's test is at 9am. I'm meeting up earlier in school at 8.30am. Which means I have to leave the house at 7am. I need about 30 mins to change. So I need to stop studying at 6.30am. That gives me about 45 mins.
SHEEEEEET.
What am I still doing here?
This time I wonder what it feels like To find the one in this life The one we all dream of But dreams just aren't enough So I´ll be waiting for the real thing. I'll know it by the feeling. The moment when we´re meeting Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen So I`ll be holdin’ my breath Right up to the end Until that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there. 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere. There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight And damn it this feels too right It´s just like Déjà Vu Me standin’ here with you So I´ll be holdin`my breath Could this be the end? Is it that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up! When you're Lookin´ for a diamond in the rough Because you never know when it shows up Make sure you´re holdin` on ‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there. And everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There's gotta be somebody for me Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there And everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There's gotta be somebody for me out there.
-14606 If you judge people, you have no time to love them. -Mother Theresa
3 persons. 1 blog. Elle, Ryan, Jacob.
I do not have split personality.
Ry and Jacob are real people and to differentiate between our posts, do look at the labels below each post.
Labels:
Elle= The Queen
Jacob= The Anarchist
Ryan= The King
