I forgot to add in The List of Shit about my Grandma being admitted into hospital for mild stroke. So well yeah, TOLD YOU 08 WAS SHITTY, CAN?
#3 The List of Awesome Things in 081) Getting off braces and on retainers:D I am officially less geeky looking.
2) Getting the title "Letter of The Day" in the Newpaper for one of my letters sent in.Hey, I'm sorry, but fame makes me feel good. PFFFFT.
3) Watched a movie with my adorable cousins. They are all young and adorable and incredibly intelligent for their age. Although, blessed with intelligence, that makes them stand out in the crowd. And hyperactive too haha, LOVE them especially when Amani jumped in shock while watching the Spiderwick Chronicles. Lmao, I find that incredibly endearing.
4) Getting an A for French after getting a D in the previous sem.Which just goes to show how awesome Karen Thibault is. Oh she's my current French teacher. She's hilarious :D
5) Being the first Student Leader selected by Mr Chang to go to Langkawi for free.After a very strange interview, of course.
6) Going to Langkawi itself.I cannot begin to describe how awesome it was. It's like, the best, experience, I have ever had, in my entire life, ever.
:) I GOT TO DIVE, WITH SCHOOLS OF FISHES AROUND ME. AND TOUCH CORALS AND SEAWEEDS-
now, seriously, believe me when I say awesome.
7) Getting contacts.SOOOO much more less geeky. I actually look normal now.
8) Fish vomitting babies on my hands.I've blogged about this before. It's embarrassing and not exactly awesome. But it sure is memorable :)
9) Participating in the skit for PolyXperience in NP.Acting in front of about a thousand students. Multiple times for different batches of students. :D Scary but absolutely exhilarating. And my other skit members were hilarious lmao. Loved every second of it, eventhough I forgot my lines once (but no one noticed hehe).
10) The Singapore Fireworks FestivalGot tickets to see it from Josh the ever awesome. :D:D:D:D I freaking love fireworks. Eventhough it pollutes the air after, but I still love it to bitssss :)
11) Successfully crashed coursed with a very weak Pri. 6 student. He managed to pass PSLE in the end.To every question I asked, he answered,"
Mas Selamat."
Mas Selamat is so dead if I ever see him.
12) The fun I had in every camp or big event in NPWhat can I say? My friends are awesome.
13) Debate Interpoly'sI liked that we did better this year :) And that our speaker points are pretty high. Eventhough we didn't do as well as I thought we could. (For those who know, yes, I am ignoring it. Hehe.)
>.>
14) Halloween + Nikk's Birthday + Stayover at Adam's place with BenAwesome two days, hilarious near death experiences, Sean completely losing it, shaking my ass, freaking Sean's doggy, Buddy out, laughing/ freaking out about a tranny in the bar, listening to Cats in the Cradle (?) some funky band who won Live The Dream I think, watching Nikk dance with a stranger (part of the birthday surprise), freaking out about ghosts in Adam's house, snacking and late night instant noodles. :D Should totally do it again xD
15) My birthday surpriseWhen your awesome friends surprise you with a huge ass brownie-cake with your name on it and being so thoughtful as to come bearing gifts, you can't help but love them. :)
16) Going to KL/ Malacca with family
I have yet to blog about this, lmao, it's so hilarious really.
The aboriginals in Malacca went,"
Babababababa eeeeeeeeee!!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
17) Christmas parties + Group 1 PotluckHeartwarming :) Not to mention, Shanya's dog is hilariously cute hahaha.
18) Occaionally meeting up with Cass/ XT/ Sheryan/ Fasihah/ Teri/ OggyBecause I miss them so!
I know the list is pretty short compared to The List of Shit but honestly? these 18 things gave me enough happy juice to last me the entire year full of all 50 shits on The List of Shit.
And I am immensely grateful :)
#4 The List of Resolutions for 091) Complete every assignment and hand it in on time.
2) Be punctual for every lesson. And not skip any AT ALL.
3) Eat healthy. Less MOS creamer. Less Starbucks. More fruits and veggies.
4) Exercise. Sign up for at least one dance class. The lack of sense of rhythm and drunken dancing is appalling.
5) Earn money.
6) Save money. At least $50 bucks every month.
7) Vacuum the house and do the laundry every weekend.
8) Clean room every alternate weekend.
9) Organise notes every weekend
10) Study for finals everyday for at least a month before the exam.
11) Read the news at least once a week.
12) Listen in lectures. DO NOT SLEEP. DROWN IN COFFEE IF YOU HAVE TO.
13) Wear retainers often.
14) Less facebooking.
15) Less lying.
16) STRICTLY NO VULGARITIES.
17) Sleep at 12 mn everynight. Latest 1am if there's work to finish.
18) Be more tolerant.
19) Smile more, be nice, have more random conversations with strangers.
20) Print notes regularly.
21) Help brother with literature.
22) Attempt to start talking to Jacob.
23) Text Ryan less (expensive lah)
24) No fizzy drinks.
25) Read finish the Quran's translated text.
26) Read the bible too. (I'm curious, shut up.)(And how do I get a bible in the first place? Ah.)
27) Understand more about Buddhism and etc etc.
28) Drink more water. Bring a bottle of water to school too.
29) Emo less and read more.
30) Stick to your resolutions
:)
That should be enough for today.
-15122
Remember when we never had to remember when times were better than thisLabels: Elle, Lists, New Year, The Queen
So,
I'm kinda feeling less numb. I actually feel frustrated! Hurrah!
But.
I'm feeling frustrated because I am lacking the right emotional response to the things going on around me.
Or rather, the
lack of emotional response to the shit I have to deal with.
I don't know, I feel so dead when I can't feel anything. If I'm angry, or sad, or hurt, or infatuated, or whatever, it makes me feel alive that I'm feeling something! Even when I'm emo-ing, I feel like I'm human. I can feel. Which is why I get frustrated when I get incapable of liking guys proper. I feel like I'm not human. Or dead. Or lesbian. And then I don't like girls. So I feel asexual. Or maybe cyborg-y. Or something.
Now, I just feel... okay. Like, there's nothing much to feel.
So I just stone.
RAWR FEEL SOMETHING DAMMIT.
Let's make lists, I kinda love listing, because when you list the negative things down, like on paper (or in this case, on html) you realise that you don't really have as much shit as you thought you did.
I kinda also wanna make a list of people and things I should appreciate that happened this year. But errr, someone kinda did that already on facebook. And I feel so cliche doing the same thing. But I'm gonna do it anyway eventhough this post is gonna automatically go up on facebook as a note.
THE LIST of LISTS1) The List of Shit in 08
2) The List of Awesome People in 08
3) The List of Awesome Things in 08
4) The List of Resolutions for 09
5) The List of Regrets in 08 NO REGRETS, BEBEH!
5) The List of Things Not Appreciated Until They Are Taken From Me
6) The List of YouTube Videos I Like
Okay people! LET THE LISTING BEGIN!
#1 The List of Shit in 081) Having stys in my eyes in the beginning of the year
2) Being bitched about.
3) Putting up with offensive implications in casual criminatory statements regarding my faith in religion by idiot Dandelion Monster.
4) Killing mice.
5) Killing 10 day old chicken embryos and dismembering half formed body parts- I shall cease.
6) Dad and Mum having Pneumonia. And later, Dad having TB.
7) Losing Hidayah.
8) Losing Asrul. Now that I know he's a judgmental puritanical tight ass.
9) Being irritated by Smiley Face (a lecturer)
10) Being in a stinking Aquaculture lab
11) Having multiple progressive dates. At the same time.
12) Juggling so many external commitments
13) Being a third party in a relationship.
14) Being a horrible shitty assed Muslim
15) Dealing with stupid Nokia and my spastic but new handphone
16) Getting a facking low GPA when I totally expected an improvement.
17) Constantly fighting with Mum through out the year. Constantly giving in anyway.
18) Of which was not of any significance to a pair of ungrateful parents.
19) Getting a D for French
20) Getting alot of Ds for my core modules
21) Owing people money on and off
22) I&E is the SHIT.
23) Organizing celebration of Best Fwen's birthday late and being judged about it.
24) Drifting from Best Fwen after she gets new boyfwen.
25) Drifting from clique because they got freaking annoying.
26) Feeling vaguely unappreciated after helping out at BBZ's wedding.
27) Not attending any PostRC5 Activities thus far.
28) Drifting from Ryan.
29) Bedtime gets increasingly late as stress level increases. From 12mn, to 1.30 am to 2.30 am to 3.30 am to 5 am.
30) Sleeping at 4-5 am for 2 weeks due to insomnia of some sorts.
31) Being woken up to Mum's scoldings for a week at 6 am every morning.
32) Being constantly put down by Mum the entire year.
33) Receiving no support at all from Dad.
34) Reduced to lying to leave the house to get some life.
35) Constant random tearing for a week before Christmas.
36) Broke down on Christmas and walked away from home. Drama at Aunt's house. Falling out with Parents.
37) Shedding more tears than the amount shed in the past 3 years put together.
38) Dad refusing to look or talk to me or acknowledge my presence whatsoever.
39) Dad taking away my hp for his personal use and also as punishment for almost running away.
40) Me having to now fund my own hp bills and finding/ applying for my own new phone.
41) Mum giving in, but I know she still doesn't completely understand. Oh well.
42) Falling out with Todd.
43) Falling out with Jacob.
44) Having huge hideous eyebags and bad skin due to lack of sleep and hydration.
45) Still skinny, lanky and stick-like. T&A remain non-existent. Unhealthy, weak, lethargic.
46) Doing 85 slides solo with little help. Stupid-assed project. I hate Christmas.
47) Being pushed away from Islam thanks to Mum's constant judgmental offensive statements about the rest of the world and me being not religious enough.
48) Going through so much and still not knowing who I am. And who I want to be.
49) Doing things that contradicts against my own principles. Shame.
50) Being so upset, I turned into a cynical and bitchy person in general.
Oooookay.
I realised that,
that's
alot
of
shit.
At least I'm not depressed now or anything.
#2 The List of Awesome People in 08(In alphabetical order) Alfred aka The Crazy BitchWe've grown closer in 08 than 07 and thank you, for being you. :) Thank you for being my friend, ready to lend a listening ear when I rant. Thank you for understanding me and accepting me regardless of my many really deplorable flaws. Thank you for the stupid hilarious moments. Thank you for making me laugh so hard at the silliest things. Thank for being there for me. Thank you for bobbing your head like the idiot pigeon in
Bolt. Thank for being another person I can be a total retard with :D Thank you for being my high :)
Cass Lee aka Best FwenWe too have grown closer in 08 than 07. You've been an awesome best fwen, you totally know my train of thought, we end up predicting what we're gonna say next, or end up saying the exact same thing and go, "
eeeee, why you copy me?!" Hahaha, you make me laugh at stupid things and sometimes nothing at all. You're smart and efficient and we know we can trust each other's standards when it comes to work. I love going over to your place to play with Kiao Kiao who is truly uber adorable. Even if sometimes, I feel you drifting away into the arms of your mushy head boyfwen, you still find time to juggle me into your life, and I guess it must not have been easy for you, and I try to understand, but thank you for being the one always on the same wavelength as me. Love you, best fwennn xD
Cass Ng aka The BFFWe've been spending very little time together the past 2 years because of school and commitments and all but you still manage to find time to meet up with me, we still manage to talk like we've never been apart everytime we meet. You've been the constant in my life, the conscience to my intentions, the chocolate to my chips, the banana to my split. :D I admire you, you who hold fast to your principles when I can't. You who strongly believe in what you think is right and holds steadfast to that belief. You, the non-conformist, the girl who is extraordinary and different. Far from typical. You're beautiful, smart and talented and you've been there for me till today. Even when you can't be there, or happen to not be, I know that you'll be supporting me and your presence remains :) Thank you for the huge value you see in our friendship. Thank you for being so wonderful. Thank you for being you. I love you, fats and glycerol and all :)
Friends From AmbassadorsYou know who you are. You know how you've touched my life with your stupid hilarious crazy antics. How much fun have I had in 08 being more bonded with you guys, talking about absolute rubbish and doing all sorts of nonsense in the Ambassador Room. Being in big events and working with wonderful people like you guys made me life so much more colourful and fun. How stress-free and carefree you guys are, ever so high and awfully nice. You guys are retarded and hyper and crazy and just a riot to be with. You make me laugh till I wanna pee, you make me appreciate simple things, you make me enjoy going wild together, with faux attitude and crazy cheers and dances. You light up my life :)
Friends From DebateFrom constantly tormenting me about old blunders to having hilariously perverted conversations to arguing and debating to racist jokes. You guys have been awesome and hilarious, bitching about irrelevant harmless things, razzing each other about scandals, teasing and laughing and wasting some trainings at MacDs having a ball of fun and laughter. Constantly challenging me with wit and sarcasm, sitting on your high pedestal of being Mass Commers, a pedestal I do not and will not recognise ever. Except for Joey, the naturally bitchy male one, who found love and romance before I did. You shall pay for that. Thank you for the amazing times during training and the memorable times together in competition. You are the reason I enjoy and love my CCA so :)
Jacob aka The Anarchist aka Paperbag aka Cobby aka He-Who's-Done-With-MeYou've been there for me for years, perhaps in the beginning just someone to laugh at or argue with about silly things, you constantly challenge me with your deep and profound wit. I admire you for being so absolutely different from the rest of Singaporean guys, for being intelligent and mature, for being patient with me when I wasn't, for your gift of words, for your talent in poetry, for your love of photography, for your uber cute dog, Piper, for your wisecracks and witty remarks, for you silly analogies and crazy parallels, for your out-of-the box similes and metaphors, for wanting to headbutt people or elbow their faces or stabbing them with a tumor in the eye, for being there for me, for wanting to help, even though you have no obligation to. We've never met, but it doesn't bother me, for through words, you're one of those who shaped my life, widened my perspectives, giving me insight and showing me when I'm being stupid eventhough sometimes it's not palatable, like tough love. You've been guiding me, being the older brother I never had, and even if you have washed your hands off me, I just want to say that all those times were not gone to waste. I do appreciate you and all you have done for me and I do love you, regardless. Thank you for making me burst out laughing uncontrollably at the computer screen, for our favourite song by Lionel Ritchie, Hello (Is it me you're looking for?). Thank you for what you've given me, more than you know. I do love and I hope that life'd be good unto you and may you be happy wherever you are always. <3
Joshua Tan aka JTan aka The One Who Saved Me From A Ghost Eventhough He Was In ChinaYou freaky boy, ever so caring and kind and understanding, and always ready to be there for me. You, my dear, are a wonderful friend, and a wonderful retard, for which another retard will one day realise how wonderful you are and start proposing to you like your whole bunch of oldies fanclub calling you now. :D Thank you for being there for me to bitch rant on, and thank you for being my punching bag or my teddy bear, whichever suits my mood. Lmao. Thank you for skyping with me at 3 am in the morning, when I was freaking out about some wailing sound, eventhough you were all the way in freaking China. Thank you for being my friend and accepting me even though I must be so irritating and annoying and whiny, thank you for being you and totally awesome :)
Keann Chong aka Mutant Clone Freaky Twin BoyKeann love, the new overnight best friend. I've known your existence for awhile but we never really talked, until msn revealed our eerily similar personalities. Your Halloween costume was so creatively memorable :) Youuu my boy, are gonna make some girl really happy someday, BECAUSE I SAY SO, :D and because you're awesome and wonderful, you go to crazy great lengths for a friend you got close to only since a coupla days, you listened to me whine in the dead of the night, and when I cried like a big pathetic baby over the phone. You have a wonderful personality and omg, you know what I realised today? You're freaking cute, no seriously, go get contacts and youre good to go :D Neverrrr say youre not physically on par, because you do have your own appeal and girls must be blinddd, you remind me of the actor my friend was so hung up on, the korean actor... Lee Jun Ki? Or something, but whatever, you're a freaking fabulousssss person to be so patient with my shit and thank you so much for today, for long talk, and the drawing and the hugs that I so badly needed. You are awesome, so IT'S ALLLL GOOOOD xD
Ryan Taylor aka The King aka Random White Pao Ass aka Lovely BoyYou, my love, don't need anything mentioned on this blog because I wrote you a freaking long NYE email already. Lmao. I love you <333 truckloads :) Don't stop making me smile, milky ass, I'll get a phone soon <3
RelativesI need to thank my aunts, for all the advice and perspectives of a parent, thank you for your support, help and advice. Thank you for helping me understand my parents more. With understanding, I can cope better, but it doesn't make what they're doing any less wrong. Nevertheless, I thank God I have you guys, because I would not know who else to turn to, family is of great importance to me and thank you for helping me realise that. Thanks to my cousins too and my cousin who stayed over with me when I was afraid of my father. Thank you for the love, kindness and understanding, even when my parents are so retarded to you, thank you for your patience with our shit. I'm glad to have you as family <3
And I shall continue with my lists tmr caz I AM TIRED.
Goodnight.
-15060
For this is important.Labels: Elle, Lists, New Year, The Queen
