Lemme update yous.
I have been debarred from one of my modules for my poor attendance.
And close to being debarred from the rest.
I told them I can't wake up. I seriously can't.
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SEVERITY OF MY INCAPABILITY OF WAKING UP?
I cannot wake up.
Simple.
My radio alarm would be loud enough to wake the entire family at 6 am, until they got up and started walking around disoriented before banging on my door to tell me to shut the damned thing, and I WOULD BE COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS.
I put my handphone, with the loudest and noisiest metal song I have, set with vibration and all, to wake me up EVENTHOUGH I have my loudass radio alarm already.
But no, I sleep through like the dead, even with my phone ringing and buzzing on my face, with my mum banging on the door, with the radio alarm blaring away.
I.
Cannot.
Wake.
Up.
Until my eyes decides to open.
WHICH part of that do you not understand?
I missed so many lessons because I sleep nonstop and only wake up at like 12 or 1. And stumble my way to school. And sometimes, school ends at 3 pm so why in the world would I go to school for 30 mins of lessons? (I take 1.5 hours to get to school)
I went to the first doctor-
ugh
i dont even feel like typing or blogging now
iwannasleep
andit's only 9.11pm
tsk
UGH i have to do this or my blog will die.im so tired bodoh.
ANYWAY
I went with best fwen to a private doctor. He told me that I am an insomniac.
And now my brain is entering a compensatory state. Which is why I suddenly sleep so much.
And how I should NEVER sleep in the day while he is resetting my (insert scientific name) in my brain. He gave me some pills, anxiety pills, and told me to take one type every morning and one type every night.
AND IT COST ME 70 BUCKS.
ARE YOU CRAZY I DONT HAVE 70 BUCKS.
Now I owe best fwen 70 bucks because she helped me pay for it.
I WOULD SO SCREAM VULGARITIES RIGHT NOW IF NOT FOR MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS.
stupid expensive anxiety pills.
I dont even see how I'm in a state of anxiety.
Am I anxious, people?
Huh?
AM I?
I'm so pissed.
So, I asked him for a letter to verify that I do have an existing sleeping disorder, good lord SURE I LIED ABOUT IT.
NO REALLY,
I actually have a good night's sleep everynight, I just don't come for classes because I love being a rebel and failing is my ultimate goal in life.
GIVE ME A BREAK GOOD LORD.
and the doctor refuses to write one because he says it's dangerous and can be used against me in the court of law.
Like.
okay.
whatever.
He gave me 3 days MC and wrote Sleep Disorder in it. I was satisfied.
My lecturer wasn't.
"I need a letter of verification bla bla bla"
OH WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEEEEEEEEEED GOD
Debarment is a stupid assed policy,
IF I DONT WANNA COME TO SCHOOL AND IM STILL SMART ENOUGH TO PASS MY EXAMS THEN YOU SHOULD LEAVEEE MEEEE ALONEEEEE.
I'm the one paying you money for my education right? SO WHY IS MY ATTENDANCE A BIG FAT ISSUE RAWR.
So, he tells me to go see a polyclinic, it's cheaper (but I generally have bad impression of GPs in polyclinics, because they are always so uncaring. meh)
And okay so I went there,
waited for HOURS,
wasted more money.
And the doctor was surprisingly nice and creepy too.
He stares at me and smile. Without saying anything.
HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M A FREAK.
And when I tell him stuff, he looks at me as if he could see deep into my soul and I was so uncomfortable around him.
It got so bad that when I was done talking and he's still staring at me, I went,"What???"
And all he did was smiled and wrote a whole lot of shit into my file of which I couldn't decipher because his handwriting was so illegible(why is this typical of doctors?) it looked like he was writing in Tamil.
And he was so hesitant about asking me questions too.
I think, he's like afraid of me.
Like if he says the most dangerous words ," You. Are. Suffering. From. Depression."
I'll turn into a nasty green hulk and eat him.
-.-
And so I told him abit of my family problems, because he's a doctor not a shrink (AND OMG I AM FORCED TO SEE A COUNSELLOR IN SCHOOL WTFWTFWTFTWF I SO TOTALLY OBJECT)
He even asked me if my lecturer was interested in me.
WHAT THE FORK SPOON KNIFE?
and I'm like "Ew? No?!"
And he asked, "How old is your lecturer?"
and i was like," I have no idea, he's old?"
LAWL people LAWL.
He keeps going hmmm..
and looking at me, weirdly, like observing me.
Sometimes, it's like the way best fwen looks at me when she thinks I'm acting like a nutcase.
OKAY FINE, BEST FWEN, YOU WIN.
I'm suffering from depression
WOOO I'm one of those emo morons, tsk.
And and and he said he would write a letter to my lecturer to tell him what he thinks, but he won't verify the sleeping disorder.
LIKE
OH MY GOD.
IF YOU AGREE WITH ME THAT I HAVE ISSUES SLEEPING AND WAKING UP WHY CANT YOU BLOODY WRITE THE DAMN LETTER PUT ME OUTTA MY MISERY SO I WONT GET SO IRRITATED ABOUT BEING DEBARRED MAKING MY LIFE WITH MY PARENTS ALL THE MORE HORRIBLE.
Here's what the nice but creepy doctor wrote.
(Yes, I opened the envelope and read it eventhough it's for my lecturer. Bite me.)
"...she has symptoms of poor appetite, lethargy, somnolence (?) and anieclonia(?). she is most likely to have depressive disorder. We have offered her a referral to the psychiatrist but due to financial difficulties, she has declined it. It seems that her depression stems from problems @ home. When asked for more details, she declined to revealmore. Please feel free to let us know how else to help Khalisah."
(I tried my best to decipher his handwriting)
The doctor also tells me not to take those anxiety pills, because I don't look anxious to him.
But, maybe that's because I already took one in the morning.
And he was like,"Don't take la... This is for anxiety..."
And essentially, he never really did help me much solve my issues.
GRREEAAATTT.
But he was actually very nice.
So nice that he makes me wanna cry.
And I almost cried again when I talked to him.
To that he said,"What's that?"
"What's what?"
"Are those tears?"
"NOOOOOoooo...?"
And he just smiled and stared and nodded his head and wrote more shit into my file.
>:(
I don't know how to get rid the crying in public syndrome.
I cried at the brownie stall when Ryan was being an ass in his texts, and when James Morrison was playing on the speakers.
Nobody saw me though, I ran to the toilet to do my make up.
Hehe I'm so pro.
I also cried in front of Sam and Raphael and Sean, embarrassing as hell. I can't stand it, I cried after reading this really sad article in NP tribune.
I cried when I told my lecturer about my issues with my family.
I almost cried in the bus and train.
I almost cried when I feel so alone.
And everytime the urge to cry comes, I would feel tremendous shock and disgust.
BECAUSE I AM NOT A CRY IN PUBLIC PERSON
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew
ew
you cannot believe how much I am so ugh-ing about the way I am now.
So I pretty much wasted alot of time, money and energy.
And my life
is crumbling
like a cookie.
wheeeee.
-15491
I join Facebook groups for their funky names. If you start a group with the previous sentence, I will sue you.
Labels: Chat Log, Elle, Emo Nemo, Hissy Fit, Questionable, School, The Queen
