the queen is moving. http://notforyourpuritanicaleyes.blogspot.com/

saw this after blogging the previous post. reminded me of ryan!

click to see the secret

I am so lazy! To blog! on this blog! this blog is so boring it no longer interests me! There once was a time when I freaked out on Ryan when he deleted my post. lmao. because I treasure everything I type down. It's a document of my feelings and state of mind at the point of blogging! Now I don't even care.

I guess having a boyfriend changed me in different ways. With my exes, I wasn't easily jealous. Quite low maintenance, I don't tell them everything and don't want to. And I was mature. Damn right. If you were a playboy, I am your perfect gf. Because I don't feel the need to check up on you so it'd be pretty easy to cheat on me. And if I ever found out, I'd dump you and delete you from my life. No drama. I'm sure my exes appreciate me. And probably found me boring. Of course Ryan was an exception(and full of drama), I love him to bits. he was the best online friend once can ask for, it's just too bad fate has other plans. so we kinda remain at that.

And then I realised, I've... never really been dumped. I kinda initiated the breakups. Which is disturbing, because usually the girl gets dumped right?

Now, with Hokes, I get jealous and upset and the stupidest things. But of course I don't throw tantrums. I just feel them and don't do anything about them. Kinda upset with myself for being so ridiculous sometimes. Now (I still think I'm low maintenance) I tell the boyfriend everything and anything, and I expect him to do same. I absolutely HATEEEEE it when he keeps things from me (and somehow I can always tell) then I have to go all fickle and have a mental debate on whether to pry it out of him and whether it's the right time and the right thing to do blablabla. I somehow want to know what he's doing and what's going on.

It's ridiculous! When I go,"so whatcha doing now?" I mentally slap my face everytime. I DONT ASK THESE KINDA QUESTIONS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? I'm clingy and childish and I talk with the baby voice. When I don't, the boyfriend would think there's something wrong. Which pretty much concludes that I only speak that way to the bf 24/7. I'm childish and crazy, I make random noises and say nonsense things. like,"bleble blooo. mama. rawr. you're weird. not me. weh wehhh." I would lie in bed next to him and suddenly go RAWWRRR and roll over him.

WHA? Just taking a step back and looking at myself, I'm so... RIDICULOUS HAHA. And comfortable and happy. And I like it. I like it so much then I can be ridiculous and he still loves me and when I'm serious, we can talk for hours on a topic and hours more digressing from that topic. And I like it that he's just as ridiculous as me.

Also, I used to blog like crazy. If I don't, I would have a mental breakdown and convince myself that I am a zombie and I eat people. Now I don't even know what to blog about. Because the things that bother me, I summed it up in one line in a tweet on Twitter. And the more deeper issues, I have a best friend/ boyfriend to talk to. So I kinda have no use for this, cept updating my friends about my life (and whoever reads this blog). And I told you I kinda changed, because now I'm more introverted. I don't really wanna share it with yous (if I even had anything to share) too lazy and I don't feel the same. I don't feel excited to share. Then share for what right?!


We're all so caught up in our lives, I'm drowning in work (I have 4.5days a week to finish all my work because weds nights and weekends are boyfriend time. Sometimes work eats into boyfriend time and THAT UPSETS ME GREATLY.) Ryan completely disappeared, I can't even talk to him on msn. It's not the same between us, I'm not surprised, but I would really like to maintain this friendship :) I like it. Jacob too, but it's kinda my fault too, caz like Ryan I too have no use for msn (because I don't want to talk to people. see?) I feel a lil guilty caz that means I'm neglecting my friends (like jacob said, if msn is the only means of communication and i'm deliberately not on it, i'm neglecting him on purpose, which is in a way, true)


BUT I AM SO TIRED OF WORK.

Like really.


I just want to STOP STUDYING.

TAKE A FREAKING LOOOOOONG BREAK FROM STUDYING. Working sounds appealing suddenly (and some of you know how I hate the workforce and dread the time when my education ceases)


ndvexuvcwbj gt


RAWR!


and I just dont. wanna. talk. to people.
Like okay I do, sometimes I do have the mood. But most times? when I'm alone, I won't reach out to people like how I used to. I socialise well only when they come to me. And then people feel unimportant and not needed and that's sad because I kinda like making ppl feel important and needed. Ugh I really don't know what I want. Maybe I should just pack my bags and go on vacation in aussieland, maybe hide in Cass's luggage. and we can have so much fun overseas.
omg let's do that one day.

nBFrnf SO EXCITING I WANNA TRAVEL NAO NAO NAO.

too bad school isnt over yet.


RAWR my nose is being a complete turdface , it's blocked I can't breathe yet I'm constantly sneezing. ridiculous. I'm feeling like hell right now and I want the bf here and I have a different blog, this time for myself. It's anonymous. I don't feel like sharing it with anyone. I know I might as well write it down in a diary but typing is less tiring, to be honest. maybe you can find it online and guess that it's me. good luck. i predict this blog is gonna rot what with ryan and jacob disappearing and all.

wish me luck with work, maybe i'll update here sometime. i'll just leave this up. who knows. you can entertain yourself with the archives.

I'm trying very hard not to swear. I'm random.

bye.

helloooo people, if I can live with your ideals, get over mineee. And stop misinterpreting!

Come on, I am not turning into a robot. If ever, I'll most likely be more empathetic! Stop being the "mature" people thinking awww this girl is trying to be different when she's actually the same. Really, lame mentality.

Like I've replied an angry person's email, I KNOW I'm not the only one in this world facing shit OH MY GOD PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELVES THAT YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME. Goodness? This is life, at some point of time, at some aspects in life, SOMEONE will have it worse than you at something. So I cannot be sad over my predicament? It's not as if I'm not getting over it? I am! Why are you guys so clogged up in your brains that you must stick to your ideals and your principles only? Be open minded, accept that people are different, people think differently. If I can accept you for who you are, then stop being a bitch to me?


For all the harping about "look at yourself" don't look at others, the entire point of the post is that I HAVE. I want to STOP JUDGING (don't you read? I really do question your intelligence now) I want to be a GOOD PERSON and it's okay that there are people with flaws! I do my best to be a better person everyday, and that is what counts. I appreciate things that are done for me and if I don't or forget to, and you find it offensive, TELL ME LIKE HOW I TELL YOU. And if you don't find an issue with it, then be happy that you made me happy! Stop playing these stupid childish games!


Like I've said countless times, I judge people. you judge people. EVERYONE will form impressions in their minds about people but ACTION IS KEY. I want to STOP acting on my judgments and I hope that the world would see the same. That though you judge, you are open-minded enough to give the person the benefit of the doubt, that they might change or actually have an amazing trait lurking beneath the nonsense that you've not seen.


I will not be friends with ANYONE. Understand? No 50% no 60% and all that bs. Goodness me. I respond to your actions(good or bad, if you are a bad person, I AM SURE I WILL RESPOND POSITIVELY TO YOUR 1% GOOD ACTION I am pretty sure you're human not satan), and I WILL BE a friend, in terms of action. I will not stand by and watch you fall or deliberately ruin your life or be heartless or be a robot. I am NOT pushing people away you retards! PEOPLE LIKE YOU make me want to push people away but I DONT. It is precisely that humans are all greys and not black and white, that's why I am a friend to everyone. Whether you take drugs, or stole a car, or bitch about people, or cheat on your lover, or are selfish, or have sex with anyone, even animals, I. Don't. Care.

What I don't want is to call you MY FRIEND. Because people like you, have to harp on it like crraaaaazzzaaayyy. I would have a relationship with you YES, it's impossible to not have a relationship with someone unless you've never met the person. Just the KIND of relationship, it would not be friendship. It would be purely based on actions on the spot.


And with regards to my exclusive few, I love you and I don't give a shit what you think about me even though I'm feeling abit of retardation from all of you. I DONT CARE. I dont care if you don't love me anymore, I don't care if you do. I love you because I love you and I do things because I love you FULLSTOP.

I don't expect anything from you SO DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM MEEEEEE BETCHEZ. I am already being the best person I possibly can, yes I make mistakes and I accept my mistakes and rectify them if I knew them and knew how.

I would not be making up theories if I don't abide to them myself. SERIOUSLY, I'm not an idiot. And I don't IMPOSEEEEE my theories on you. Okay? So please get over yourselves and your ideals because it's starting to look like you think you're the better person and your theories are the only right theories and I can't have mine.

Of course my theories can have holes poked if I don't explain it well(and theories are theories not facts), I can't, it's hard for me to express myself in words, I don't have that gift, but why don't you open up your mind a little and try to see it from how I'm seeing it, because I DO KNOW HOW YOU SEE IT and I understand WHY you see it that way and I ACCEPT IT that you want to believe in it.


Like flipping religion, I can see why Christians love Jesus to death and Buddhists believe in karma and bla bla bla. It's not that I don't read up about it, I know! You've told me all about your flipping religion! And I see where you're coming from and I accept it, I just choose not to believe in it!


I don't want nouns to express how I feel about you, unless it's something like family (DNA will kick your ass trying to deny it)or boyfriend or girlfriend (THERE IS SOMETHING WRONGGG with your r/s if you don't want a status because these are steps before marriage, BEFORE FAMILY, the commitment needs to be there)

But friends? The commitment DOES NOT need to be there. There is no ties. You're speaking up for me Jacob, like the rest of you. There is no ties. ONLY LOVE. Friends does not equal love! LOVE IS LOVEEE. Because I have you in my personal regard, because I LOVE YOU, I WILL be there for you I WILL have a commitment to YOU. okay? And it is not easy to love someone so NO I DO NOT LOVE EVERYONE. (And if you don't love your family and boyfriend or girlfriend then it sucks to be you)

So NOOOOO god I just don't believe in friends, get over it, if I don't love you, TOO BADDD I am sure someone else does (You still have family you whiny ass) and if I do, WOW GOOD FOR YOU. one more person in your life loves you, don't you feel loveddddd?


Basically I will be the same person my actions are the same, IF you had not known and read this post, YOU WOULD FIND NO SIGNIFICANT CHANGE IN ME, the only thing that has changed is my PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE. so why are you finding an ISSUEEEEE with me?
I am THIS sort of person, a person who analyses things and I do it because I find it important, you have your own set of things important to you and I have mind.
I find it important because it defines my purpose and how I feel and perceive about life, the journey that I AM TAKINGGG NOT YOUUUU LALALA HELLO HELLO WAKE UP. STOP SHAKING ME CAZ I AM AWAKE.


Look at the gazillion people in my life whom I call friends. Really, wont you find it more offensive that I consider an insignificant person friends and you friends when youre more significant to me?
So what I do, I do, because I care in some way but to hell with friends. I do it not because "it's what friends should do." screw that okay? Everything I do MEANS something, and in your point of view you would call it "friendship"

I don't. Okay? I call it love. Personal regard. Whatever. Different people, different degree of regard. GET OVER ITTTT.

Stop trying to show me that I am wrong and yet tell me at the same time "there is no right and wrong" YOU look who's doing the judging. hypocritical bunch of shits leh all of you! wahlao! Must bombard me for what I believe in? I am so disappointed in all of you! haha and I don't really care if you're disappointed in me or son't want to be friends with me. like everything else in life, I can live with it and I can move on. Just because I can, does not mean I am a robot and you are such wonderful empathetic human beings. Fuck off.

NOW, I want to talk about my day hahahaha. Hmm I watched Detroit Metal City, the first few episodes of the anime and OMG SO FUNNAYYY HAHAHAHA-

eh wait, I forget to tell Jacob I love him too eventhough he always think he's better than me and everyone and drive me crazy. See? I told you. I love means I love forever AIYO LEAVE ME ALONE LAH. No "friends" to love me also never mind. My family does and hopefully a future husband to have a family with. TADA! Happiness. Hehehehahaha.-

OKAY continue. Anyway remember Singapore Idol? the third season (latest one) there was this dude in long blonde hair and costume and face painting I JUST WATCHED DETROIT METAL CITY SO NOW THEN I REALISED WHO KRAUSER IS HAHAHAHAHA

You see, in Detroit Metal City, Krauser is this crazy metal screamo guy, lead singer of a screamo metal band. BUT this guy accidentally joined that band, he thought it would be a lovey dovey meaningful soft melodious tunes kinda band. BECAUSE HE IS ACTUALLY that kinda of person! But the sad thing is that he is good at being metal screamo and his love songs SUCKSSSS. Hahahaha! And everytime the anime shows him trying to sing love songs he looks soooo retarded and gay and mushy BAHAHAHA

So, my point is, Krauser on SG Idol I SALUTE YOUUUU. The irony is BEAUTIFULLL how you dress like that and purposely sing a love song hahahaha THE JUDGES ARE STUPID. Your voice isn't that bad and you should make it through and they should appreciate the irony. But sadly, eventhough the judges are immersed in the MEDIA industry, they don't know the existence of KRAUSER, shame on you! Aiyah, I think the judges are retarded to begin with so whatever.

(Hate Dick Lee. He's a dick hehehehehe and Florence is really a Lian. Don't know anything but act like know everything. Ken is arrogant and think he so damn good. BUT I respect that occasionally his comments are professional and made sense. Other than that, I think all three judges are RUDE and purposely try to mock and diss people because they think they are so funny and give entertainment value. Disgusting. Even American Idol isn't mean please.Singaporeans really over do things.)

And then I recently I also watched Survivor (just the last episode because I cannot be bothered with TV) AND OMG ASS TO THE MAX RUSSEL SHOULD HAVE WON. I was so upset, Russel was so upset UGHHH people are just sore losers and sometimes need to OPEN UP THEIR MINDS and see that the bad people have good in them and that eventhough russel betrayed everyone like siao and lie and deceive and manipulate and use people? HE DID IT FOR THE GAME. It is how you play the game! And they should stop taking it personally and give him the win because HE deserves it! Jaison is stupid because he said in real like "you would hate the Russel and you wouldnt want to let him win" OMG YOU CHILDISH BRAT IN REAL LIFE, YOUR PRIZE IS DEATH.
Idiot.

You die, you go to heaven or hell. So the point of the game of Life, is to do good things, live a purposeful life and ENJOY THE JOURNEY. In survivor, SCREW THE JOURNEY ONLY 1 MONTH WHAT, and you get a million dollars! Doesn't mean that Russel is a bad person! He just know what to do in the game! Wahlao! hate sore losers and people who take it personally. I AM SO UPSET FOR RUSSELLLLLL :( Russel I am officially your number 1 fan because I APPRECIATE THAT HOW YOU PLAYED THE GAME WAS AN ART MAN. WOOOAAHHH
hahahahahaha

shiz man my post is very long and I have chores to do but I really don't feel like doing them. I feel like eating. RAWR. I really feel like eating.SIGHZ it seems I am gaining weight even thought I cut down on my food.WTHHHH. And I have been exercising (though not as often as I want to)sigghhhh not enough! Must do more! RAWR.

Hokes is my favouritest boy in the world. That's why he's my boyfriend. Not the other way around. Yay! It seems I still cant wear that halter dress. Sad. I want to make custard tarts. Without growing fat. maybe give some to my aunts, cousins and hokes' family too. Hmm. I would give Jacob too. But he would never meet me. And Ryan but he's overseas. And other people but they are angry with me. TOO BAD. no yummy tarts for you! until you want to talk to me. because actually i am ok. HAHA. contradictory. Im ok if youre ok. OK! my mama is being annoying but I love my papa like crazy suddenly caz I thought he almost died. Sigh, it's so cute when your parents show you they love you. SEE. NO MATTER WHAT MUST RESPECT YOUR PARENTS. even if they are wrong and retarded. omg I really feel like eating tarts. See? this is how my train of thought travels.

I am weird.

Labels: Angry Bombs, Brother, Elle, fweedom, HELLO, Insanity, Jacob, Mum, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Questionable, Religion, ryan pwns asses, The Anarchist, The King, The Queen, Weird Shiz

...for someone that writes in a philosophical manner, your enlightenment seems to be a little low. Not meaning to put you down, instead I commend you for digging for depth in life.

Sincerely, I am happy that you've learned to not care about what people think. Honestly, again, as much as you've think you have changed, you haven't changed at all.

Still, you separate yourself from the rest, thinking that you are one of the very few that goes through what you go through, that you're getting the butt end of the deal. Tragically, it's untrue. Everybody has gone through the same problems when it comes with dealing with human beings. Be it in one form or another. Nobody is that different. Can you honestly say that you are nothing like the people you used to label as friends? Do you appreciate everything that is done for you? Do you dare to claim that you have not taken advantage or use somebody?

Lovingly, you cling on to your theories. And how tiresome it must be to filter everybody that you meet. Deciding who is good or bad. Judging really. By your standards, are you all good? But your comeback would be "nobody is 100% good." So how much good must a person be for you to be friends with? 60%? 70%?

Friend is a man made word? Definitely. Just like every other word. What else would have come up with it? Would it not be bullshit if Friend was expressed with hand gestures? Or if a dog came up with it? Maybe a rock would fit better. Rocks don't expect anything from you.

Honestly, third time again, if relationships fail you so much, why bother with a boyfriend? How do you know he is to stay? Or are you just waiting for him to disappear as well? How about your exclusive few? Do you expect them to love you back? Do you expect them to love you just as much? Or just loving you the tiniest bit be enough for you?

Eagerly, you look at everybody else and draw up your theories. Blindly, you forgot to look at yourself. Do you even live up to your theories? I'm not disagreeing with your theories. Neither am I agreeing. But I hope you won't be stubborn and be closed off. Do not treat them as they are black and white when they're all based on greys. Theories are just thoughts and not proven to be facts.

I just want to say again that I'm not dissing your opinions. I'm just poking holes at them to show you that it's not 100% truth. Stay grounded and not get caught up trying to figure your life out or you'll die trying.

I still love you, and I still call you friend. And I'm still Ben/Jerry/Whichever even if you don't wish to label me friend.


P.S. Friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, family, etc - they are all labels. Only the emotions are true. But the nouns make it easier to express how you feel about them.

Labels: Jacob, Paperbag, The Anarchist

Eventhough there are people out there who disagree with me regarding my theory, it makes me happy. I feel relieved that someone is fighting for this. But as jaded as I feel, there are exceptions.

I met up with Jtan for Starbucks. We were feeling a little off. I guess we needed it. We both kinda talked about this.

People are angry with it I know, my bad for dissing people's opinions. Whether I think it's a fanclub or not, I should just learn to accept people's opinions. It's a trait I'm trying to change.

But I just feel that, they're lucky? Or they just have a lot of faith. I myself told Jon Ho the other day point blank that I don't consider him a friend. Because it's a term used too loosely and I only have a few people in my life that I love. For those selected few, I'm willing to use it, though people abuse it much too many times.


Some people are lucky. They don't feel the betrayal. Or the superficiality. Or just the ugly things in life that lurks beneath every pretty thing. Maybe they're lucky they do have many friends that are good people.
Some people are strong. They believe in it and go all the way.


Then am I not lucky? Am I not strong? What do you do when your friends use you. What do you do when your friends leave you without looking back. What do you do when your friends aren't sincere in their friendship all along? Why does your husband sleep with your best friend? If love was a higher level of friendship, one that includes intimacy, why does divorce rates increase anyway? What do you do when your friends expect things from you. What happens when they don't appreciate the shit you do for them. I mean, if you step back and look at people. Really look. They don't need you. And you don't really need them.

I feel worn out, how do you maintain a faith in people, when you realised the friendship is based on all the wrong reasons? An attachment with people. You can go through so much shit with them and still have them not give a shit about you. Is it just me? Is it just how the dice rolled for me? That almost everyone isn't real. Except for that small select few. Then again, you cannot say. Only time will tell right? I'm young. How can I ever tell people will stick?

How do you feel if you've been a friend to people, done things for them, but they would rather do things for someone else. And not because that someone else was a better friend. Maybe he/she is prettier. Or more popular. Funnier. Richer. Fascinating.

Haven't you ever felt that way?

I'm sure at least one other person in the world did.

The people I love, I love. With hesitation. Sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting for them to disappear like everyone else. Already I feel so bummed Cas is going to Oz. I don't even wanna think about it. I just don't want to expect anything from people. I guess most of them like it. And still expect things from me. Expect my tolerance. Expect me to overlook things. "Oh I can treat her like shit, it's alright, we're friends!"

I want to demand a line to be drawn. I want to demand that you should never stoop to that level! But I don't want to expect things from people so I don't.


Which is why I still think it's a fan club. I still think it's a delusion. Look at the people falling out of love. They go "oh it's an infatuation. I got too caught up in it." Sometimes when you're in the situation, you can't see it. Maybe in the future, when you look back you can. But it's so hard to see it. People fall for it so many times. In love. In friendships. How can you ever tell that you're not deluded?

Isn't it best to just stop throwing yourself recklessly in it? It doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. I can just live with the acceptance, that people come and go. And when people leave, it's time. It doesn't mean I won't do all that I can. It doesn't mean that I don't give a shit. It just means I stop feeling so betrayed and hurt and angry. I stop being pissed off with the world.

I should be flipping Buddha. Detach myself from all worldly desires. Only then true happiness is achieved. Buddha preached it. Islam preached it. I shan't talk about the other religions. I only approve of true Buddhism and Islam. But Buddhism doesn't have a God so... there you go.

And I agree it with it. They also preached that it doesn't mean you can't enjoy life. Enjoy people and relationships. It doesn't mean you can't love people. Instead, they encouraged it. To make the best of it.

So why the misunderstanding? Do you feel you've done more for me than I've done for you? Do you feel obligated to love me? Be friends with me just because of what we've been through? I don't want that. People already hate their families because of the obligation love ties you with. I don't expect that. I understand that my family is different and they expect it from me. And you've seen how it made me despair. But I've accepted it. That there are bigger things. And it's alright.

I want to be a good person. I want to help everyone out equally. Even if you're across the world, and I don't know you, I want to comfort you. If your home is destroyed, I want to help you fix it.

I want to, I genuinely want to but I can't, so I just do what I can with the people around me. Why can't people do that too? Why can't people be nice? Stop judging? Stop being rude? Stop being selfish?

Just because I want to do things for everyone doesn't mean I love you less. Do you need me to love you more than everyone else because you do for me? Doesn't that make you feel like shit?

The select few of people I love I'm trying k? I'm doing what I can to spend time with you. To do things for you simply because I want you to be happy. I want to do it because I want to and not because you expect it out of me. I want the world to be void of one-sidedness. If you do things, just because you want someone to be happy, why would you feel it's one-sided? Like me? Why did I feel so upset. Because I loved that person and that person didn't love me. That's why. And I will move on and love what's left. So stop worrying that I love you less okay?

That I don't appreciate you or think you're a "friend". I just stopped believing in that term. But I never gave up on love. If you are upset about this, thank you. But don't be. There is no cause. If you are not, then carry on with your life. Because it doesn't concern you and because you don't care about me.

And it's alright.

Friends. The word itself is bullshit. There are no such things as friends. "Friends" is a word made up by man to believe that he is not alone in this world.
He is wrong and he is wrong.


He is never alone in this world. It is bullshit. Everyone will experience life. And on this planet, life means eventually meeting more than one human being (Or animal. Up to you). Thus, you are never alone you ignorant person you.

According to the dictionary.com this is its definition:



–noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. (initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.




I believe this affection/emotional attachment/regard is temporary. I feel that if you spend alot of time with someone (and that person must be at least a nice person) you will overtime develop an affection/liking with said person.

It's inevitable! So, wherever you go, you will (if you reach out and communicate) have friends!

There's a saying, "Strangers are just friends you don't know yet."

HOW TRUE! And how absolutely rubbish! The significance in the word "friends" have been totally and utterly lost. Or maybe, it was never there to begin with! We just made it up to make ourselves feel good because we have "friends". We have alot people who give a shit about us. We have alot of "friends". Which is why it's natural for someone to yearn for popularity and fame.


My theory is, in this world, there are no friends. There are good people and bad people.

Good people are considerate and kind by nature. They will help anyone in need and they are nice to all(even if it's only in the beginning). Until someone does something to make them dislike you, their niceties to you would severely decrease (but they would never murder you or anything of the sort). And if it's truly unbearable, they will just stay away from you, occasionally indulging in discussing your bad qualities to someone they trust the conversation with.

And bad people only care about themselves. Or are serial killers. Or are manipulative dictators. Period.


So all good people will eventually be "friends" as man have coined it, and bad people will take advantage of you, step on you, bring you down, manipulate you, just so he/she will rise above you.

And people who scream, "No! I do have friends! Real friends!" You are all deluded and are a part of the Friends Fan Club. Similar to people who are in love with love. Except that love exists and friends do not. That's why they're "in love" and not "in a fan club". Though infatuated people are often misled into believing it is love.

So the reason why friends come and go is because people come and go. If you tell me you've been friends with a person since childhood and that's an example of friends forever, you are mistaken. It's only because the person has not left. Which is why he/she is still "friends" with you. Get it?


Friends are people whom you are comfortable with that are created out of circumstance. You meet them, you know them, you befriend them. Once they're out of touch, they do not think about you everyday. No one in their right mind would. They only remember you when they remember you and they will be more willing to help out people they're currently more close to. Their "new friends".

Which is why I think it's bullshit. How unfair it is for someone to be biased like that? I do not like these people. I do not approve of what these "friends" do. I would rather you treat everyone around you equally. So if I'm not your "friend", you would not help out me at all? That is a very bad trait to have. I hate people with this trait.

I would cherish a good person more than a "friend". Well, obviously! I do not believe in friends! So if you are a good person, I will love you. And if you're a bad person, but you are my "friend", I hope you know where you stand in my life now.

Thank you.


♥ elle

Labels: Elle, Questionable, Quote, The Queen

Holy turds I haven't been updating my blog in ages. Haven't talked to Ryan and Jacob in ages too. Awww the spaces between us are wider! Even I've been neglecting Hokes (sorry dear) just get caught up in things and well it's just taxing to finish everything in the weekdays just so I can have the weekends untouched and for Hokes and only Hokes. I really do love spending the entire day uninterrupted with him :)

So really, I would prefer anything else to just be slot on a weekday tyvm :)

Time flies and gosh it's 2 weeks to common tests. SHITS. Serious lack of time now. It seems I cannot decide whether I want to be alone in school or not. People (or person in fact) have been sticking to me in lectures and leeching off my reputation and I DON'T LIKE. I hate being used but then again, work needs to be done and I need help, so I cannot be a loner as much as I would like to be.

WAI DONT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?


So okay, everyone else is being cooperative (goooood gooooood very gooooooood!!!) they established a nice "hi-bye" relationship with me, which I like caz I don't really wanna "talk and have fun" with you in lectures. I actually wanna listen and be in my own little world. SO IT'S GOOD! Thank you rest-of-the-world! But this particular person keeps sms-ing me whether I'll be going for lectures and basically stalking me because he wants to sit with me in lectures so he won't look like a loser. I RESENT THAT HELLO. Firstly, your reputation is bad. Nobody likes you and you sticking with me? It makes people think that the only friends I have, is you. And you like that because my reputation is well, I'm not popular, but people certainly know me. so... NO, you aint rolling with me boy.

But then again, I don't mind actually, I mean I'll be your friend, if you are a person worth being friends with, I would. But since you are just using my reputation? I'm gonna play your game. AINT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN BITCH. So, from being indifferent to my reputation, since you do care, I'm gonna care and make sure you don't get what you want (and destroy my rep at the same time)

Plus, you are disgusting. Stop staring at my boobs! SPEAK TO THE FACE! the fat face but face nonetheless!

Besides all of that, this particular person is being less repulsive (if that is even possible) this year, he's been reading psychology/self-help books AND NOT UNDERSTANDING IT because his English sucks but have been discussing it with me (and I like this kinda stuff) so I'll explain them to him. I. Am. Such. A. Nice. Person.
Lmao, and no I'm not being conceited. I'm trying to make myself believe in that so that I'll actually turn out to be a nice person! Get it? Hahhaahaha.


My mum's friends are so annoying and wonderful and annoying AND NOT FAIR they keep buying her stuff, like bags and clothes and it's so wtf-ing. I do not understand the concept of it all(?????) but well this is how the dice rolled for her so okay. One of her friends wanted to give her a Guess bag (FOR GOD'S SAKE GIVE MEEEE) and told her if she didn't like it, she can give it to me! (PLEASE HATE IT PLEASEEE) hahahaha I guess God is compensating her for having such a horrid daughter. Sorry mum. But it is afterall my life. But hey! I'm doing my best to make you happy!

Mum has like what? 5 bags given as gifts from her friends? and countless clothes and scarves. RAWR. Sorry, I don't have sincere friends that would give me gifts because they have too much money and because they love me. The friends who do love me mostly dont have too much money.

I'm still wondering what I'm supposed to do with 21.
Oh if you don't know what 21 is. Here you go.


Mission name: 21
Objectives: Live your life.


So basically at 21, I'm gonna stop letting mum force me to do things. Of course I want to be an air stewardess but... I don't see it happening without mum disowning me. Sigh... what a depressing topic.
Anyway! basically my plan is that at 21, I'll begin this transition where I'll do things without asking her permission, but merely informing her in advance what I'm gonna do.


WHICH IS BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS BTW PPL! I'm not a prisoner afterall! So I'll begin like going out as and when I like. (I predict a huge fight will explode from this) But I will persevere and CONDITION her to get used to me LIVING MY LIFE. I will stay over at people's house as and when I want to (don't worry, I respect my parents enough to make sure they're either family or close girlfriends) I will keep my curfew at 12 midnight. And I will go overseas with my friends and no one can stop me. NO ONE. OKAY?

I want to live, really live before I'm tied down with responsibilities like a stable job and a family (like children and all that) I lived my life for you all these while! It's time to live for ME. I'm so sorry that our ideals clash and our lifestyles are vastly different but it doesn't give you any right to puppet me!


yay!
I will go through with this, I want this so bad and I love my parents (grudgingly) I do, so I want them to be happy but I MUST TEACH THEM TO BE HAPPY WITH ME. With the real me...



Anyway, CHRISTMAS IS AROUND THE CORNERRRRR!!! So exciting, but yeah yeah I know as a Muslim you're not supposed to celebrate this stuffs. Aww. But I don't believe in it doesn't mean I can't enjoy the festive feel, right..? I'm not doing traditional stuffs, I don't give presents and eat turkey and all that jazz so it's alright right?
TOTALLY LOVEEEE the decoration and lights and it feels so magical and fantasy like ooooohhh, the atmosphere is nais. :D but man life is such a bitch how they celebrate christmas and chinese new year on a much grander scale. DAMN YOUS. so unfair! If Deepavali is the festival of lights YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE LIGHTS EVERYWHERE THAN CHRISTMAS!!! I can totally think up a good mood and atmosphere for Deepavali. And Hari Raya? Go traditional! DAMNNN we have such good cultures STOP WESTERNIZING IT'S SO GAY AND WANNABE-ISH so embarrassing!

But well Singapore is LIKE THAT, damn retarded I still can't make up my mind whether to migrate or not, I love the country but the people? DAMNNNN. Hahaha

Wow, my ideal Christmas would be bright beautiful decorations, especially a giant christmas tree, warm fireplace AND IT WILL BE SNOWING OUTSIDE HOW MAGICALLL IT MAKES YOU WANNA BELIEVE IN SANTAAAAA but santa doesnt exist so no I don't believe in santa, nor christmas DOESNT MAKE IT ANYLESS EXCITING!

It's about setting the mood! Man, maybe I should be an events planner! Hahahaha ok maybe not >.>

And ew I'm blabbing too much!



Ughhhh gotta document my life down, words are so important to me. It can make or break a legend, words live forever if there is someone to read it! (and understand it) so despite having a life and being busy, I shall make an effort to pen down my thoughts on a more regular basis. Till next time! Be nice!

Labels: Elle, HELLO, Insanity, Mum, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, Religion, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

ooh. life is actually.

well.

it's actually the same.


I think I'm learning to deal with it better? I've been dealing with my parents SUPERBLY. and I've learnt how to control my temper with them. HO HO I am so proud of myself. I try not to think about how depressing it is too much. Sigh, 21. When I'm 21 I'll deal with it again. I AM STILL LIKE SO AWESOME.


I actually really want to be an air stewardess. HAHA. It's kinda like, my childhood dream. I mean maybe just work and travel for 2 years. Wow. See the world before I settle down. Wow. That will never happen. Wow. My mum will ask "WHERE'S YOUR TUDUNG?"

Mampos. Wow.



I am studying very diligently this sem :) WEEEEE, this time a 4.0 is very possible, IF SOMEBODY HUH, there's a SOMEBODY who is in all of my groups and is EXTREMELY IRRITATING, as if the drama last year wasn't enough. You better not be leeching off me and refuse to share your answer with me okay? DISGUSTING. I hate people, I hate working with people, I hate group work and projects RAWWWRRR but surprisingly people think I'm a people person because of my extroverted personality. HAHA little do they know HOW BITCHYYYYY I AMM.



WHICH, I am trying to tone down :( I mean really, I don't want to be like that but some people are just begging for it, seriously. So if everyone would just do me a favour and leave me alone, I LIKEEEEEE being alone! omg such a drastic change, but when I need to do work or study or some serious shit, I need solitude. I focus better. Sigh, I'm too easily distracted.
(HAHA after typing out this post half way i went on to facebook lololol okok I'm back)



I am also trying to lose weight, or rather decrease my appetite because eversince Hokes came into my life, he turned me into a pig. I also want to tone my body because Hokes the beloved likes playing with my flab and oh god the thunder thighs. non-stop suaning there :(
haha but jwong says that weight gain is a sign of a healthy relationship.
OKAAAY I guess that's a good thing but I have no desire to end up being a fat flabby walrus, NAH UH, so I shall start training for my napfa too :)

I need more time to do things caz I feel like doing so many things!




Went to Hokes' POP where he'll get a sexy blue beret, haha I have to say his cousin seriously keep cracking me up. lmao siao. and Hokes looks adorable and HOKES PAPA IS SO FUNNY AHAHAHAHHA he was the first to spot Hokes in the parade square (AWWW PAPA!) and then when he tried to take a picture of hokes, HE ZOOMED IN AND TOOK SOMEBODY ELSE'S FACE HAHAHHA HOKES PAPA HOW CAN YOU RECOGNISE YOUR SON FROM FAR AND NOT IN CLOSE UP ZOOOOMED BAHAHAHA OMG SHO KEWT I CANNOT TAHAN.


omg seriously Hokes' family is sho funny through out the whole thing keep laughing, and omg we kept dissing the place too ahahaha aiyo so cute.




:)
I will always try to be my best :)

Labels: Elle, Insanity, Morning Madness, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, School, The Queen

I am PMS-ing.

Labels: Bitch-mode, Elle, Emo Nemo, Insanity, The Queen, Welcome me

I do not know what I'm doing on blogger when I should be sleeping nao nao nao. God I am exhausted. I am so exhausted. I am so exhausted from being exhausted.
Nom nom nom.


Damn FYP my holiday is flying flying flying past. Here I am rushing my work and it's the holidays! I do not even feel the holiday mood. I am working like the devil with a sense of purpose, drive and determination, if I had exams now I would ace it caz I would have the mood to study and memorise every damn thing. No wait, if I had exams now I would die caz I'd be swamped- no, severely overworked.

And here I thought I could sleep in till 1pm but nooo I'm waking up early everyday to go to school, then rush down to tutor my PSLE kids, and rush down many times per week because PSLE IS NEXT WEEK FAAAART FART FART I really hope hope hope my kid'll do well. Sighhhh :( Then my Sec 1 kid's exam is a coupla weeks after PSLE so the stress isn't gonna end anytime soon.


I have a full day ahead of me tmr and yet I wish with all my might that Hokes won't feel too bummed in army. I mean I know army is supposed to toughen you up and all, but listening to it? Ugh, I wouldn't survive in army. Not physically, mentally. Seriously, I would like to sue the administration and revamp the entire thing. I am very sure, with a more EFFICIENT administration, everything can be done and learnt within 10 months. or less. looking at the way they're handling things now. useless bums.


And no, I'm not being anal STFU I'm just a perfectionist about certain things. And knowing that people are being unproductive eats me inside out because I have a thing against wasting life. Life is short, I myself don't have enough time to do everything I want to, accomplish everything I want to, and watching 2 years of lameness kinda ticks me haha.


Cheer up, chubby bunny! Are you still chubby? :D



On a happier note, I am SO DAMN CONTENTED because I am not moody. My god, you just have to be in my shoes when I'm PMSing, you'd feel like shit. Like literally shit. Like you just wanna run roll lie on the ground, kick slap jump, shake shake shake your headddddd and get rid of the shitty feeling. You feel restless and depressed and hate every god damn thing for being so so stupid lame.


I'm quite sad that my PMSes are so severe. I fear they might take over my life. They could even possibly be an alternate personality. Wowzers.
But it feels kinda good now because I'm feeling healthy stress not brain eating stress. I'm feeling the sense of urgency and worry but I'm not stressed to the point I'm going OH ^%%$# oh $@$%# letmedienowplease and I'm coping pretty fine. I'm actually happy. I'm happy eventhough army is eating into my Saturdays with Hokes, I'm okay with it, though poor dear kinda bummed abt it. *hugs*
I'm happy eventhough bird poop on my arm, eventhough FYP and tuition is worrying me endlessly, eventhough I hate some people, eventhough my parents are acting up (BUT I AM DEALING WITH IT WONDERFULLY OMG SURPRISINGLY) eventhough I am in debt, so badly in debt, I'm happy eventhough I don't smile.



I wish people would stop misunderstanding each other. I'm too damn tired to explain myself properly all the damn time, and people shouldn't have to explain themselves all the time so if you'd judge a little less, this post wouldnt mean anything much. What I do wouldn't mean anything much. sometimes people just dont know how to give other people a break and feel the need to intrude and impose your views on everyone or rather share your witty comments with the world caz yeah you're so smart wow
*rolls eyes*
and no, no one actually did this to me, it's just something I observed. if you thought otherwise, you should mind your own beeswax and obviously have been judging and forming impressions and analyzing a little too much.

Also, I'm too tired to smile. But I've been enjoying myself. In a I-wanna-close-my-eyes-and-lean-back-WITHOUTSMILING kinda enjoy myself. Leave me alone!



Bonne Mama jams are so damn expensive but so damn delicious.

Labels: Elle, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, School, The Queen

Lady Gaga's Paparazzi is suddenly speaking to me in volumes. Hahaha I watched her music video and loved it. She's so weird. Recently watched an interview and the interviewer asked her about her love life. She shooked her head and went," Nope. No nah-uh." and when he tried to probe deeper, she looked around and said," Can we just stick to my music? Please?"

Hahaha THANK YOU thank for being so painfully honest. Even though it calls for awkward situations but like her, I've also learned from life, screw awkward situations. Even if I am put in one, no one will make me feel awkward without my consent!

Had a conversation about this with Cass Lee recently and we regret holding back in our lives. Now we say what we mean and mean what we say and god I feel liberated. It feels good to not care what people think about you. And more often than not, being honest equals less complications which is just the way I like it.


I mean look. It's true now I'm all antisocial not hanging out with people and I deliberately keep to myself and don't indulge in small talk to "make friends" and it's perfectly alright.

:)

I'm not gonna pretend I know you very well. I'm not gonna pretend I know many people and are close to many people. I'm not gonna pretend I'm popular and well loved.
I KNOW I'm not such a hideous person that everyone hates me. I KNOW I get along fine with alot of people. I KNOW people might get irritated with me and it's okay.

I mean, this image thing is getting too out of hand. It's like high school. All this politics and sticking with friends and pretending you're close to someone and what what what whaaaaat?

Hahahaha. If everyone hated me right now I think I would embrace it with open arms caz I love myself so much right now, dammit ryan, your influence is too strong! Ryan is a narcissist by the way :)


The people I love should know by now I love yous even though I don't consistently express it. I'm shy like that. The people I'm not close to, or just casual friends with, I'm perfectly fine with you too.

I think everyone actually appreciates me being solo in lab because I KNOW you don't really wanna talk to me. You, like me, just wanna do your FYP in routined peace and it actually feels good. You don't have to crack your heads to think of what to say in a feeble attempt at small talks. GOD I AM SO CONSIDERATE EVERYONE LOVE ME NOW.

HAHAHAHA EW I AM SO UP MYSELF EW RYAN EW EW EEEEEEEEEWWW this is your doing :D


I feel like I'm less dependant on friends now. I've become more introverted. Somehow friends became such a shallow word. I cannot refer to anyone I know as friends, because to me, a friend is... well a friend. Like really you've been a true friend kinda friend. But it feels kinda cold to call you an acquaintance haha but you know what I mean. I finally understood my 3rd aunt too. I don't need friends actually. It's not a need. I mean, many people can be your "friend". Your cousin can be your friend. Your relatives, siblings anyone in your family can be a friend. So... friends. Friends come and go and some people are good ones and some suck at being friends.

I think it's the thought that counts? If you look carefully in your life, alot of your friends actually take advantage of you. You may feel like that person is so important to you but they may not feel the same way back. I used to love my friends to death. Everyone whether we're close or not. I appreciate them. Now I don't. Because they don't. So when you need me, I'll be there for you, it's the most human thing to do. But if I lose you? I can live with it.

It's not that I don't cherish friendship anymore. I do. And I will put in effort to maintain all my (real) friendships. It's just that I have come to terms with and accept that there is a possibility where the day comes when we're no longer friends and I'm able to move on and live with it. Like someone once told me, Friends come and go. It doesn't mean I don't give a rat's ass about friendships anymore you know? There's a difference. I hope none of you will misunderstand and I hope it won't change the state of our current friendship.

And also, this introverted-don't-talk-to-people thing? It's a phase or mood or whatever name you'd like to give it. It'll pass and suddenly I feel like partying and being a social butterfly again. Actually, if you put me in a situation where I HAVE to socialise, I think I'd still do a decent job at it. It's just that given a choice, I like to do my work in peace :D And not wander around, sit next to a random and ask how's your FYP going along. Or ask people to have dinner with me caz I'm bored or something like that that I used to do.


Haha I see my posts have been rather long and wordy. It's a mood really (:

Labels: Elle, fweedom, Music, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

I just want to eat something. Or sleep.


But I can't caz I gotta wait till 12 midnight to take my meds.



Rawr?


Okay I guess since I haven't been blogging, I should finish this post proper. Well see, the reason I haven't been blogging is because I don't feel the need to. Amazing isn't it? I always thought it was an outlet, one of the more essential outlets in my life because if I don't blow off steam here, I'd morph into one of the most crazy bitch this planet has ever seen.

I guess I'm changing again? Haha I don't come online often, and when I do I don't feel like talking to anyone. And if I've got something on my chest I need to vomit out, there's Hokes who's perpetually asking me regarding my well-being so how not to tell the lovely boy? Well, actually I do enjoy talking to him, I don't know how he puts up with me, really I don't because while I was being such a bitch, I even annoyed myself.

I'm lucky :D

Let's see, today started off crappy. First thing in the morning a bird shat on my arm. It was warm. Awesome. Warm white poop dripping down my right arm and people around were sniggering and holding their laughter. GLAAAAD I MADE YOUR DAAAAY.

So I had to wipe it off with paper since I didn't bring any tissue, and walked all the way to the train station's toilet before I can wash my arm.
Oh god talk about gross.


What a bad mannered bird. You shouldn't poop so inconsiderately. Look at hamsters, they know how to poop in a corner. You wouldn't like someone pooping on you would you?



On a less disgusting note, recently went over to Hoke's godsis's place. Apparently, his family has alot of these family gatherings which I find very nice and wish my family had more of these. I think we used to but my parents kinda screwed relations in my family. Ah well. Maybe it was me. I don't know. I love all of you, you know? Sigh. Even though I don't know how to express it properly.

ANYWAYS, Hokes and his bros and cousins went to the room to play Wii and omg it was hilarious. I've never laughed to hard in ages. :D I was afraid to intrude on family time, you know how people tend to be more comfortable with their own family rather than outsiders but I learned from life that if you try, they'll try too and I think everyone got along just fine :D

The most epic Wii moment was when we were playing this mini game called B.R.U.S.H. by some bunny game and you're supposed to move the controller according to the actions on screen.

Like you move up and down when it's a toothbrush to brush your teeth.
Left and right for a razor to shave your chin.


EPIC MOMENT: I moved up and down when I saw a razor (accident! I swear!) and my bunny started razoring his teeeth hahahahahaha with sparks flying hahahaha omg I swear I laughed so hard I couldn't play the rest of the game properly xD


Went to Island Creamery for dessert and MMMMMMM YUMMEHZ. I talked more to Hokes' brothers more in a day than I have in the entire 6 months I've known them. And they seriously crack me up.

SAW CASS NGGGGG ♥ who was with her classmates, gave her a hug but left caz the family split into 2 groups, adult and kids and kids corner were at MacDs where Hokes' 2nd bro was feasting. Conversations includes Mac and Microsoft debate which is something I have no stand on at the moment.

(I can't judge caz I've never used a Mac- and you need to be a regular user before you can properly judge)

Oh oh and Hokes' nieces are uber adorableeeee. I kept stealing them and carrying the younger one (I seriously had to control myself from raining her with hugs and kisses) the older one seems friendly with me now, she constantly try to get my attention WHICH I LOVE caz she always ignore me the previous times I've seen her.

Hahahaha I like his family alrdy. I need to thank so many of them I'm losing count. They were awfully nice and welcoming and awwww :')



Oh did I mention we tried to cook pasta for lunch that day? And kinda failed caz it tasted weird and funny but still alright, we finished up our meal and Hokes' 2nd bro went for seconds HAHA yeah his bro ate our cooking hahahahahaha epicccc.


:) Wii is officially the coolest thing on earth according to me. :D I'm so gonna save up for one in future :D:D And omg can someone please please please buy me Season 1-6 of Grey's Anatomy so I can sit and eat chips and go on a Grey's marathon. That would be awesome shit.


I MISS HOKES the dodo is in armyyyy and I won't see him till Sundayyyy gaaaaayyy. Ryan has been keeping me company with random heartwarming short emails and texts and our occasional go-crazy-and-retardedly-random conversations at night when I actually bother coming online. Other than that, Hokes and seeing Cass Lee for FYP, that's the only human connection I get apart from my family.


Told you I'm antisocial.
I'm pretty much alone these days, but I'm not lonely. I kinda like it. I was lonely once. It was at night and I was emo (as usual, I'm always emo at night) but Ry cheered me up :) That was also when I was PMS-ing.

I'm actually quite contented with life, despite irritating Singaporeans, FYP, tutoring and stuffs that has kept me from enjoying my hols. But yeah, life is boring, slow, monotonous, routine-d and uneventful save for random things like Hokes' family gathering, I'm not worrying.

I think I've accepted that I screwed up my life and now the only thing you can do is make the best of it. And I am, and enjoying it too. I hope this feeling lasts caz the next time I PMS I'm gonna ruin it all and feel like shit again.

And wow. This is a pretty long post. Not bad.
:)

Labels: Babies, DVD, Elle, Insanity, Of Hokums and Honeystars, Random Mandoms, ryan pwns asses, School, The Queen, Weird Shiz

For all Orson Scott Card fans ;)

Labels: Books, Comic, Elle, Photo Log, The Queen

transexual by *Bob-Rz on deviantART

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
gushhhhhhhhh
guys are such assesssssssss
i wish i were lesbiannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
hahahhaa
or a guy

kt says:
hahaha cannot. later jefri die

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
lol.

kt says:
or become gay

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
i told him i wish iw ere a guy
then he said cannot, then he wouldnt be able to be w me.
so i said its okay. he can be gay
then he said no!

kt says:
hahahaha

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
oh em geee
hahaha
then i whacked him. xDD
he’s not supposed to say no! LOL
he’s supposed to say he would be gay for me. hahahahhahahahahahhahaha

kt says:
hahaha “i would be gay for you my love”
HAHA JINX

*cassandra… buy me tickets to the il divo concert? please? says:
HAHAHAH OMG YOU READ MY MIND
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA





Hahahaha talk about apt!

Labels: Chat Log, Comic, Elle, Photo Log, Questionable, The Queen, Weird Shiz

Breathe (2 AM) Lyrics
Artist(Band):Anna Nalick

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day," he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
And here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. maybe I'll just sing about it.

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
and These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, now
Sing it if you understand,
and breathe, just breathe
oh breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe

Labels: Audiogasm, Elle, Emo Nemo, Music, The Queen, Videos